Smite for Spite, yet Feed the Greed

Since slumming it on the weekend, I have been overly thinking quite a bit about all the troubles that go on in this world.I am not going to bore you with my ideas and opinions. I just think that I myself would like to do more. Make more of a difference and such.I do believe that as a society we are rather blinkard to a lot of things. It's a sad reality. But you can't changed a society, not purely by will. Hhmm, I think I shall change the subject.

Ah, I have recently been enlightened into the fascinating literature of Oscar Wilde. 'The Picture of Dorian Gray', at the moment is the section of his works I am reading at the moment. It's quite a splendid tale so far. I also read one of his kids stories, which was quite sweet. Yes, he is pretty much a hero to me now.

My aunt is in hospital with a brain hemorrhage. My mum has been crying on and off since Saturday, being as it is her sister. I think the hardest thing is that we have only three phone calls in total, explaining all that's going on. I think my mum would feel better if she could of been there and see what was going on.

There isn't much left for me to say.

xx

Unclued, Fortnightly

The funny thing about stereotypes, is that they just cause everyone to hate.

It's not quite a riotous laugh kind of funny, but an uneasy kind of, the world is fucked up, funny.

Its like, the 'un-cool' use stereotypes to judge and hate upon those who are more socially accepted than themselves, and the 'cool' use stereotypes to make the lowers feel lower.

It's a mixture of jealousy and pride.

or maybe I just want to add more reasons to MY hatred.

xx

Malpractise Lawsuit

I have been a fool in my youth. So full of enthusiasm. So full of naivety. So full of shit.

Sometimes I wonder to myself, whats worth all this. Whats worth all that. Who is worth fighting for and who is worth dieing for. No, who is worth fighting against, and for what reason.

Then I realise that I am just even more of a fool. I have fought for the wrong people and the wrong reasons, too many times.

There is no sanctuary in grief, only more grief.

I'm not going to lie. To you or myself, world. I jumped and berated, and when felt attacked tried to defend. Against what, a bigger army. You are no Persian and I am no Greek. This was purely a Thermopylae. Yet without the honour of a failure.

Materialist will say look at the gold, realists will say we are just getting old.

LOL. WTF.

TBH, was that really going to work, fix anything.

'I will always dial the K'

xx

Orange Extras

Got a partner to formal.
I am so happy.

I'm slightly distracted by reactions.

Jeff Buckley is awesome.

xx

Cold Mooned Eyes

There is not much going on in my life really. Just school and its general stresses.

I have next year to think about. I have no idea what I am going to be doing. Well, the plan is to work for a year. Then I am going to do some more education.

I am a capable, well balanced, smart person who could do well in most jobs or professions. Theoretically.

I'm only saying this, to try and convince myself that its not possible that I could become a failure. Which I realistically shouldn't. But the idea that I may never achieve anything is frightening.

Really, I need someone to just kick me into gear. But I shouldn't have to need something like that, I should just do what I need to.

I am complaining and whining too much.

xx

The DID Factor

I am aware of my inconsistent and staggered postings.

Gah, I had expected to sit here and write out some stuff. But a) I got distracted by the more exciting aspects of the internet and b) I just don't know what to talk about.

I am fascinated with the TV show 'United Stats of Tara', it is absolutely amazing. Its about a wife and mother with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), which means basically, multiple personalities. It goes through her life and the life of her husband and children. The 3 alters of Tara are awesome, and Toni Colette stars, and she is just amazing.

What do I have to talk about? HHmm, more continued loneliness. Pfft, nah.

I want to act. Like proper full on dramatic acting. On camera, on a TV show, where you have character development and real and raw emotions to release. Not poofty school acting.

I realize most people don't have a realistic view of my acting capability, because people haven't seen me at my best, but that is probably a cope out, I don't know.

I love interesting characters. Characters that keep[ you interested and like are just entertaining. I hate it when they introduce characters into shows purely as a plot device, but they are so mechanical and with no dynamics. It's not too hard to create characters with a bit of substance.

I would love to be one of those legendary characters that gets mentioned over and over again in pop culture. A cult classic. Ah, that would be awesome.

Creative and original yet simple stories are usually the most successful. Like a story with a simple concept, a concept that people like, that you stick to, are the ones that are successful. If you start trying to do too much, or start falling away from your beginning idea, people lose interest.

Why am I discussing TV stories. I don't know. I need a hobby that doesn't involve me widdling through the ins and outs of television.

I love United States of Tara, because it really tries to break some good old stereotypes. Its not a classicly cliched story, its of its own. I don't know, I just love the show.

Watch it, 21 30 Wednesdays on ABC1.

xx

A Hop, Skip and A Whiskey Bottle

I hate knowing that next year I will be free from 12 to 13 years worth of the schooling routine. I think, the knowing, is what is causing me to just mentally breakdown.

My parents are always asking me what I want to do, and the thing that I hate is the questions. Even though I know that I would never decide to just turn around and tell them everything, mainly because most of the time I know my thoughts are ridiculous, but also because I just don't like talking to them. My dad does this thing where before I've even made me point he will be giving me other options and I duno my mum just has this way of seeming like she is only asking because she thinks she has to.

I've never liked thinking of the future, let alone planning for it. Next year I will theoretically be alone to face the world. Which I hate thinking about, but need to talk about.

I'm trying for a job. Which will probably not pan out how I really hope at all. I am trying all I can to make sure I don't end up in fast food. That will only be if I get to a stage of pure desperation. I keep using the excuse to my parents and myself, that I am too busy working on school work, but realistically the last time I did so much school work that I didn't allow myself time to get on the computer and do fuck all for 4 hours, was about never ago.

I will be turning 18 next year. I will be suddenly given a lot more responsibility. But I will also be legally allowed where ever I like in the city or what not. I am actually looking forward to the idea of spending a night on the town sometime. Which I think is natural for a simple 17 year old boy. I'm not yet a man, :).

The future looks a sort of bluey green colour.

xx

Demoralised Networks

Prison Break should of ended at the end of season two I reckon. Most people say it would of been best to end it at the end of season one, but I think that you'd still need to know what happens afterwards. I mean, would they just leave the audience to make up there own mind. Evidently, they have decided to drag the story an extra 2 seasons too far. Dam big shot money grubbing douchebags destroying perfectly good television.

You should never what TV with me. I talk through it. I will put in my little two cents, and the only person I know who seems to atleast humour me, is my brother Joe. I'll say what I have to say about certain characters and the emotions in certain scenes and how good I think it is and why. My brother reckons I should be a TV critic. That's probably because he would prefer me to leave him to watch TV in piece, but I don't think that's going to happen.

What enjoy in some good TV, is peoples attempts to break social norms. Since I absolutely detest stereotypes and any form of 'cultural expectations' and the likes, I find it refreshing when shows are different, original and offer a different perspective or emotional response. This attitude is probably why I am still able to watch 'LOST'.

There are some great characters out there, that I just love watching. Sometimes it is only the existence of one character that will make me watch a series. I love story lines that are not only cutting edge, but also full of depth.

What I am sick of though, are these annoying Teen Drama/Comedies, pointless Cop Dramas and shows that don't seem to be able to commit to there basic story concept. What I would love to see are some dead beat poor low life teens trying to get by while one parent is in jail and the other one is an alcoholic, I want to see some shows that have heart and a soul. Not shows designed purposely to build an audience, only to disappoint after sweeps week.

I love TV, but sometimes is kills me.

xx

Gay Marriage

I don't know what I want out of the world anymore.

I don't believe in the sanctity of marriage. There is no spirituality in it anymore. People get married for money, for power, for simply to get married, for the sake of a pregnancy, for publicity, for the gifts and in all of that the romance can be lost. There is no more love left in the idea of marriage. 50% of marriages end in divorce. The other 50% are surviving barely and only through denial, or for the children, the money and/or the vows they so forcefully try to commit to. There is a thing called an open marriage, where people have sex with other people. Some people stay married while the husband has a mistress. Wives and husbands have been known to kill there spouses because they couldn't handle being with them.

Yet, here in this world where we pretend to hold on to the values of marriage. There are hundreds upon thousands of hopeful individuals who could easily bring back the sanctity that people so openly want to hold on to. The real love, is in the people who are still together after 30/40/50 years of discrimination and ridicule. Who just want that simple option of the true spirituality that so many people have. Maybe not even the spiritual bond, but rather a legal bond. Classify them legally as people trying to spend the rest of there lives together. In a world where arranged marriages controls a whole culture of people, we can't look beyond our hypocritic nose and see the bigger picture.

I don't see that justification, and I don't understand the reasoning at all. You can shout to me god's name, but if you must, then shout it as well to all those people who have those marriages, yet commit adultery, yet only marry for money, those who divorce, those who launder money from there spouses, all those people that use the everyday legal system to wipe every cent they can from a husband or wife they had for 3 years. If you want to tell me that God doesn't want this, then I want to see you fighting against all the rest of it, otherwise you can take your contradictory half bait idealistic bullshit and shove it where the sun don't shine.

xx

The Death of Dobby

I haven't blogged for a while, and even though I know no one noticed nor even cared, I'm still going to treat this post like I have an adoring public that have been so desperately seeking my words. Only doing that, so I feel like there is a purpose to my rambles or simple sentences.

Cynicism and an angry family.

Just pissed off my brother because I am on the computer, and I said he can't go on yet, because this dam box of lights and wires has been giving me the shits and I had to restart it.

I am tired and depleted, and I have to go.

xx

To You, Of Hope And Life

I wish we were closer, me and you. You and I.

We have a surprisingly large amount of history together. With its fair amount of ups and downs. But I still think that in the end, I like spending time with you.

Yet, I wish we were that little bit closer. Just that enough that makes me important to you, and you to me. Hhhmm.

Maybe, one day, it may happen. In some cases I could see us making more of something. I duno. It shall all depend.

Let it be known, that I think of you highly as a friend.

xx

A Flirtatious Invitation To Say So Too

I find it difficult to comprehend this, but I do think I love him.

LOL. Love is too strong a word for any such thing as this.

No love involved in this, simply a statement of affection.

You were lost in a war of one emotion verse the rest. No one understood the reasons, least of all that one of surety in word. It was a timid illusion that first brought me to you. Yet a believe that more was being said. You come closer than most, but I am in no way sure of if you know. The sugar is lost in this and the ideas shall stay so too. Even if nothing else makes sense, I understand that look.

Stop what you are thinking, and try again once the bell has gone.

xx

Persephone and The Pomegranate Seeds

It feels like it has been a while since I have blogged. Realistically it was Saturday and today is Wednesday, so the time isn't that far apart. But then again, in that time there was the Twitpocolypse and a number of other internet events, so hhmmm.

Whats been going on? I haven't had a good nights sleep in the past 10 days atleast. Each night I have lain awake thinking about nothing. (Lain? Is that a word)

Classics has been entertaining lately. I have been re discovering the Greek Myths I had been taught years and years ago. Pandora's Box being my favouritist of all Myths. It makes me chuckle a little when I read the different versions of Pandora's Box on the internet, and they all end with the exact same word, 'Hope'. Every single one of them just ends with that word.

Well, like its more than just that word, but every last sentence has that word at the end.

Also, Prometheus, the immortal that gave man fire. The man who was punished by being chained to a mountain, while a giant eagle ate his liver. Only for it to regrow again through the night, to then be eaten the next day. Ah, the greek gods were brilliant at creating punishments.

I never get touched.

LOL, not in a sexual weird kind of way, but just in general. Even like shoulder touching or like hugs or anything. No form of physical contact. With guys that is. Never anything, nothing. I got touched on the back the other day, which was kind of odd. But it made me consider the last time I had been, just touched.

Sometimes I would just like a few hugs. Just to remind me that I'm still cared for and such. But like, ah, I don't know. I can't explain it now. Such a distant relationship I seem to have with my friends. Why? What is this?

I know of times when I have not been invited to things, and then I consider why, and even then I can't understand it. Here I am, everyday. I try. I don't understand people sometimes. I truly lose my mind. It hurts now and again, otherwise I am just senseless. I have to be.

I now sound whiney and all crazy. I just feel much more lonely now a days, because I just realise all the time how little people acknowledge me as a person. Ok, I shall stop now, because I don't know what I am saying anymore. I have gone over what I mean.

I often feel left out, or like I am not quite in enough. Which I don't understand.

I want people to just be honest with me.

xx

Lights Out. The Road Is Darker When The Sun Isn't Quite Up.

I don't know what I think.

I've had the 'Create Post' screen open for the past 5 hours, and had only wrote that ^. It's 11 26 pm. Too late for coherent thought.

Time has passed and now its 12:11

I have been reading on the internet, stories of people coming out to there parents. I am feeling the desire to do it soon.

Maybe.

Again, a sharp bite of lonliness this weekend. Ah well.

That rain drop that landed on my cheek, that felt like a tear, was too comforting.

xx

Hog1N1

My little pun for the hole influenza epidemic.

I was happy enough to enjoy a lovely cup of tea after school today. Even though it had a very high number of sugar scoops, I still felt good having it. It was warming and delicious. I love it sweet.

I am considering how ironic it is, that atm Australia is cold. If I think of how ridiculous that would have sounded back in England, then yes it is quite ironic for me to be sitting around in my new Seniors 2009 jacket.

I haven't got much more to add to this post. I am simply coming up with stuff from nothing, and am hoping that people will still respect that I am still trying to say something.

Hopefully I should do well on my Classical Studies essay, since I have been working hard on it. I've written some very nice sentences, that I am quite proud of.

Might get another brew before I make Taco's for dinner.

xx

Euripides

I have so much to say.

If you want to know, you should ask.

If you really care, you should keep asking.

I am unsure of who I trust. My trusting varies between the selected. Yet they often do things that make me wonder why they were even considered. Like I have so many choices, but still.

Love is too far a way, I would have to run to get there in time, and even then The wall would stop me.

'Is it patronising to give a starving man your left overs'

That was a topic of conversation I had the other night with my dad, when he told me to give my food to the homeless. I said, well its patronising for us to give them our scraps and unwanted food, when we have fresh un used food in the pantry. Which I think is true. We are only giving it to them because we don't want it, when realistically we could give them better stuff. Just because they would accept it, doesn't mean we should limit them to only getting that. My dad says he sees them eating out a bin, so they would truly love our left over quiches. I just thinks its quite morally un just for my dad to believe that giving a man our left overs is 'right', when really its just us trying to justify for our pleasures and luxuries.

There is nothing I can do now to help those 'less fortunate' that won't completely contradict what I just said. The justifying of us having luxuries and such, by giving to those with less than us.

Anyways.

Been talking to newer and newer people. Loosing track. No hope for any love.

I was in the city on Sunday. A prospect had arose, but it stood me up. That was fun, standing outside Haighs chocolate shop for 40 minutes, waiting to see if he would turn up. Which, evidently, he didn't. I saw some interesting people. At one point I looked across at the Darrel Leas Chocolate shop and saw another guy waiting around for someone, I considered going across and asking if he himself had been stood up, and I conjured a whole fantasy of what would happen and such. Then he got a phone call, smiled to himself and walked away determinately. Shame that.

My desires for certain things are chopping and changing. I'm not sure what I want, really. I want that, and that, and sometimes that. I want you, right there. Oh, yes I really want you. No, I want you to want me. LOL.

Theoclymenus the King of Egypt

xx

India Made Me This Wine. You Are The Wind.

My head is in pain. It was, and still kind of resembles the consistency of pudding. YAY! I recommend to all of you to never get a Migraine. Not my kind of Migraines. That are almost replicas of a stroke. Woot.

Dark Chocolate did this too me.

I spent most of yesterday in my bed, in the darkness. Thinking about nothing. Sleeping and dreaming. Hoping it would end.

Your pale skin makes your features stand out.

I am alone in the mac labs on Thursday morning. Everything is exciting. I don't know what I want anymore. A silent desire.

______________________

That was this morning, it did not post when I was at school, so now it is 7 43pm on the same Thursday, LOL. I am in my jumper and pajama bottoms. Tis a very comfortable sensation. I also have no socks on. LOL. I am an old man.

It's alright to be insane when the doves are still roosting on your head.

xx

Oscar Wilde, Elton John and Rupert Everett

I did not, in the end, complete my quota. I did though, have what felt like at the time, a very shitty birthday. Looking back, it was still shit, but I have gone past it now. I have vented as much as I can, and now don't have any desire to blog about it.

I am now, going to take a bit more of a break from the blogging. No more over the top posting, obnoxiously crapping on about nothing. Just a bit more of a rarer occasion. Nah, not quite that less. But atleast putting a bit of divide between each post and such.

Dammit, I need someone to text. A person that will be interesting to talk to, and who will get people wondering. Will get me wondering. Offering some hope again. But instead I get people popping in and out. Straight people are like a gay mans Mount Everest. LOL.

Don't patronize me with idle chit chat, be honest with me. Tell me what you think is going on. Don't sit there with your theories about me, and never take into action the possibilities of truth. Honest is the best policy. Honesty is my policy. I shall be honest, as long as you are.

My head is going crazy. Some of the things that are going on. Jumbalia!

Do you know what I loved about skins right. Was the way they put a spin on love and homosexuality. It was not a gay man wanting a straight man, but rather a straight girl after a gay man. It offered the same kind of emotions and impossibilities, but it was a completely different story. Of course the girl was a psycho stalker, but still the emotions behind it were very honest and genuine and such.

Rarely do I like to blog about my inner queer thoughts. It's just not the way I like things to go. But lately they have been the subject of many quarrels in my mind. I hate how empty my pool of possibilities is. It's depressing, and lonely. Ah well.

I shall do as Mitch said and keep my head up.

xx

Aimless

I do hate stupid people.

LOL. 2 days til my birthday, should be good.

I am 8 away from my quota, and after this post 7. I may do it. Hopefully. I would feel good about it, even though I did destroy any credibility I have. LOL.

My party tomoro, I wonder what will happen.

Ask me a question about yourself?

xx

An Introduction of The Alphabet

YAY. A new person. One that could of been a prospect previously, but one I had not taken the chance to go for. I am concerned about the number of arrogant people out there, and so get very disconsolate with people sometimes.

He shall futurally been known as: Zed. LOL

LOL, frivolity.

I have been a facebook friend of Zed for a while now. But haven't really tried talking to him. Then tonight I was like, screw it, i'm saying hi. Through IM ofcourse. I then added his myspace and msn, and now we are talking. Good fun.

Only one defining detail, his orientation. oop.

Hmm, Mr A as well. Could be a good night. I shall work on finding out what kind of type Zed is into, lol. I am a loser. WOOHOOO He is bi. YAY.

Now it gets personal.

xx

Each Song Is Sung For You But Only I Am Listening

You make the world look so much more attractive.

I hope to one day be like you.

xx

Garlic Bread and Fanta

Ok, so my mother is out tonight, having spent most of the day out drinking wine, on a wine tour around the barossa. Fun. This means I am going to have to help lug her drunk ass around the place.

2 days til my birthday, I am quite excited. I am hoping to get lots of money and love. LOL.

Can you really test insanity?

xx

Our New Friends

The Swastika.

Apparently my school is the home of white loving, black hating, asian beating neo nazi's, who for some reason felt it was just to decorate the school with obnoxious racial hatred, and discriminative threats.

It got me thinking, about racial divides and such. How, even though America just elected a black/african american president, it hasn't changed the way people think, still holding on to there stereotypes. We still have our presumptions and invented opinions.

These people that said 'kill gooks' and 'niggas die' don't even understand what kind of ground they are setting for everyone around them. They are the shit of this earth. Small minded, petty, little derelicts who don't know the first thing about common human decency.

They make me sick.

xx

Woolworths in Blackwood

I AM SELFISH! All I do is think of myself. Of course my birthday party gives me no right to ask. Can't make 10 pizza's, thanks anyways.

I always hate this week.

xx

Crumple Zone

3 DAYS!

She still don't trust me. She is annoying me now. Youngens and there believes of maturity. Tell me I act like a year 9.

Thats right.

xx

Seat Filler

I'm coming close to my quota. I do feel terrible because of my self destruction of blog, but I felt like I needed to try and achieve something. That's a cop out, really I just wanted to make sure that May had the most posts in it, and also to see if I could open up a bit more. Which hasn't happened.

I love you, yes you, right there.

Dammit.

xx

Red Lorry, Yellow Lorry

That's made of paper.

Hopefully, now that I have made some creative arrangements for my birthday party, it should all be good. 5 days to go. OMG. I shall be 17, YAY.

Out of my group of year 12's I am the youngest. Signaling the last 17th birthday party for us all. Yoop! Goodness, I remember when I thought 7 was old. Ten years later look where I am. Hmm, I'm happy with that, that's all good.

I sure hope my birthday will be a success. Unlike previous years. I will keep my fingers crossed.

What are you going to get me?

xx

Thorndike

He would be a psychologist, of types.

It would be so much simpler if I was a woman. I would probably not be so lonely. I might even be prettier (cough) or I might be sluttier, I don't know. Either way, it would just be simpler. At least then I could generally assume that a guy would most probably want to get into my pants.

LOL, the whole 'get into pants' phrase always makes me kind of chuckle inside. That's why I like to sue it.

But along those lines, not necessarily the whole getting into pants thing (haha) but more the whole, liking/not liking , crushing, the possibility, ooo a party, random hook up, ooo, yayh, and such. All the bullshit that I can't take for granted.

Hay you, in the shirt, tell me if you like the men or not, because I'm not sure. Or for those of you with probably friends of the like mind nature, I duno, give em my number, LOL.

Patricia White eat your heart out.

xx

The Irony Will Kill This School

Why don't you trust me little one? The questions I am now asking myself.

Am I a trustworthy person. Do you people trust me? I don't want to know for what reasons for or against, I would just like to know if I am a trustworthy person. She's got me shaken.

In fact, who do I trust. Wholey and soley. No one, I guess. There are people I would tell certain things to, or wish to say certain things about, but I never truly open up to people, or give people the chance to get inside (LOL) and like, hmm. Even on here I don't really open up, I may hint to certain things, or subtly talk about something, but realistically I don't.

Is that really the problem. No one will open up because I don't either.

Only time will tell.

xx

Poor Baby :P

If I had kept up with my quota, I would be on 50 posts for this month. Sadly, (only sadly to me) I have not been successful in that. I of course shall still keep trying.

I shall keep this brief.

I am lonely.

xx

Aunt Pervert

Old King Cole
Was A Merry Old Sole
And A Merry Old Sole Was He

LOL, I don't think that is right.

Only a drive through lover.

I needed to vent, about my parents, because my dad ruined my birthday, and my mother just kind of accepted it. All my plans for my birthday were to make it easier for my dad, so that he didn't have to spend lots of money, and so we weren't in the way, and one detail and he goes all crazy.

Why can't I have my party on the driveway? Who cares if the neighbours see, I know I don't. People bitch whether you do the right thing or not, might as well have fun in the process. That's what annoys me, its completely against everything I believe in, and that's his reason. Well that's the reason he gave me.

Every year my birthday has to be cut down into this crappy shitty boring version of what I wanted. The plans in my head would of been awesome.

The other thing that pisses me off, is there is no compromise, its simply, no I don't want it on the driveway. I ask why, he says, because, and I say, well I don't understand. It's my fricking birthday. I've had my party in the garage, in the corner of my house, and now, instead of trying to spread a little bit, its back to the corner again. This time, though, I am going to try and make it my own again.

I want some tail.

xx

You Sunk My Battleship

LOL, I love the Simpsons. and SCRUBS

Last episode next week. I think I will cry. It was sad today. I can see what is going to happen. I just hope its nice. :D My Love of scrubs is deep.

Hmm, I just got reminded of that joke, 'Why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway', it's a silly joke, that makes fun of the English language and its inconsistencies. Ah well.



Certainly would of been funner the way I wanted it.

xx

Shawton The Spider

Old King Cole

Oky doky. So anyways. Have you ever considered the size of an elephant, and noticed how insignificant that elephant is to the rest of the world.... the possibilities.

Right, well. If you feel hated, by a number of people, the best thing to do, is to let everyone know you are not happy about it. Aw. Ok well. I reckon I could make a nice long list of all the people that hate me, it would be a joyous occasion. Goodness, how many people is it? Ok, let me think.

Ouch, too many. Anyways, I would suggest to cheer up, and not let people effect you, but I don't think I have the right to put in my input, so I will just leave it be, for now.

My hair? Shorter or longer? Darker or lighter? It's always about my frigging hair, isn't it. LOL. I am a woman obsessed. Glasses, good or nah? LOL. I shouldn't care. No one should care. If no one cared the world would be a better place. The world would be nicer. Simpler. Easier. Nah, if we didn't have that, we would have something else. That's the way the world works.

What are you doing?

Anyways.

Everyone enjoy your fun.

xx

12:34

Ok, I am reasonably happy now. I believe I should have most probably passed my psychology test. YAY.

I am bored. Very bored. No more lessons. No more work. Just kind of chilling, with nothing much to do at all. Now there is music on, I don't know who it it, but its sounds alright. Nice and sweet and such.

A MAD HATTERS TEA PARTY.

You'll see. LOL.

Anyways. Do I have anything to talk about.

My birthday is in 6 days. Party in 5.

Aw, what a neatio invitation. LOL.

So, anyways. I'm in my glasses. Woo! It's helping me see. My eyes had been getting a bit dodgy, and so now, I can see much better. Which is probably a good thing. I have marks on my nose where they have been sitting on my face, LOL.

What do we really value?

xx

NO, I'm No Ones Wife, But OOH I Love My Life

'Start the car, I know a woopi spot, where the gin is cold and the piana's hot'

LOL

My insecurities are telling me that I am doing everything simply for myself. I don't think so. I was just thinking, that no, maybe most of the things I do, ARE for other people. As much as I wish they weren't.

But how do I change that. Because wouldn't I be changing for the sake of other people.

Ah, I don't really care. No one is as individual as they think. I will just be myself.

'I'm going to rouge my knees and wear my stockings down'

xx

Dormouse

I just swept up the leaves around my house. It was a stressful job, mainly because I made it stressful. I'd get frustrated and such. My i-pod head phones falling out of my ears, or the wind blowing the leaves, or the bag to put the leaves in not staying open and all the leaves falling on the floor. Either way, I was conscience of how angry I kept getting.

So, its 8 days til my birthday. Tomorrow is will be a week away. Wooh. I have a brilliant idea for what I want to do for my birthday. It should work out nicely. It's a very 'me' kind of thing. I will tell you, when I know if I can do it. You can sit there and ponder what it might be, for now.

I've been stressing about my travel plans for tonight. Lucky, my dad has saved me, and offered to pick me up, as well as take me. But I think he added extra sweeping areas, just to even it out. I don't mind. I wasted about $6-7 of credit, on texting people to see if they could take me home. But it's all cool now.

I am listening to Miley Cyrus. I am actually unsure why. I like her songs, to an extent, but I'm not quite sure why I decided to listen to her.

I have jobs for my mum to do now. The usual, vacuum the living room, and clean my bedroom. It's all cool.

I think I will need to have another shower.

xx

PUTS YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR

Hello to the world with its cheese graters and coffee cups.

STOP WITH THE DRUMMING AND SINGING!! We get it. You over there, sitting next to that kid, and you with the chin.

LOL, a crescent moon.

What do I have to say? Nothing much really. I made dinner last night, as I do every thursday, so thats not very exciting. I am looking forward to starting our play in drama. It is 9 days until my birthday. I will be 17. YAY. But what to do?

I don't care about JAI HO!!

Anyways.

Yep, there is nothing going on atm. That I need to talk about. I am quite chill.

I'm so 3008, your so 2000 and late.

xx

'Not My Business' Inditio said

'I see your face in the mirror
and your light in the sun
I hope you were young
I hope you were young'

I went to make dinner and forgot what this post was going to be about. Yummy yummy Fajita's. I love them.

Ask me a question.

xx

Spaghetti

I caught the eye of my chip shop guy, last night. HAHA.

My chip shop guy. That would be a guy, who works at my local chippy, who I have only seen twice, but yeh. LOL. I went in for some chips yesterday, and caught his eye. Was really a nothing moment, but eh. :P.

Anyways.

That was just something I was going to mention last night, but I didn't get on.

I am a loser, LOL.

xx

Blue Spray Can

I was expecting have a relatively bad day. I was going to be angry and stuff. I was in that kind of mood last night. Like, when I got to bed, I was all angry and everything, and hated the world. Today though, I don't hate the world, I am OK with the world. So, I am alright today.

I'm just going to check something.

Yay, I like my reflection today. I don't feel ugly. Woop!

or fat, for that matter. I feel good today. I haven't felt 'good' in a while. I think.

Oh wait a minute. I told some people, they know who they are, about something involving one of my nicknames. With the thing, and another thing. Oops. Possibly just spilled some beans.

I am biting my nails again. I had been doing so well, and now they just look like shit. Dammit.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I feel up to going to the after party. LOL. Last night, I was telling myself I wanted to get pissed. But really, I don't. I can imagine the things people would say, if randomly I started drinking. 'He just wants to fit in, because he ha no friends' or something along those lines. People are bitches. LOL.

Nah, I was angry and upset last night. This is after my blogging. Unless it sounds like I was angry/upset in my posts. But I can't remember. I am still trying to be ignorant. But that has failed. My hand is starting to hurt a little. I don't know why.

Ah well.

I would like the option to fly.

xx

Cate, Cate, Can You Help Me!

I have no future yet.

A majority of my close friends at least have some form of idea what they will be doing next year. The army gap year. There own gap year, then on to tafe. Some are already at tafe. Some it will be Uni or tafe. Me, on the other hand, am looking over a prospective dream.

Dammit. My dream prospect is VERY expensive. Holy cow!!!

xx

Riddle Me This

'Home Is Where You Are'

LOL.

I'm going to block everything out for a little bit. Just become completely ignorant to the world, and its voice. LOL, the world doesn't have a voice, not a single unified one. It has many dispersed opinionated voices, but not one single voice of reason. Either way, I probably need to just stop with the thinking.

Yep. Here I am.

A default version of myself.

xx

It Began With A Hippo, As All Stories Should

I've got practically nothing to do, atm. I just need to write out a good copy of my english oral, and I will be all set. So I am rather bored.

I am thinking about going home, but don't really want to. I want to talk to Holly. Something is kind of off at the moment between us, and I really feel something needs to be done. I possibly need to talk to Alpha as well. I duno.

I have decided to finish my write up, of 'The Adventures of Lam'. Which is my happy story. Its random and fun. My take on a modern day Alice in Wonderland. I guess.

I may put my short story thing, 'Annabeth'. Which is a short story, that is kind of in relation to 'I Am Clara'. I say kind of, because neither story adds anything to the other. Its like a spin off. But its very different. I may put it up here for you to read, depends how I feel about it later.

I probably should work on my oral thing. LOL.

Nah, I am not in the mood atm. I really can't do it. Honestly I don't care if the copt I gave looked like a peice of crap. I am comfortable with that, the oral itself was a peice of crap anyway.

Listening to Taylor Swift again. My latest musical fascination.

I am concerned for you.

xx

Naomi??

I love Skins, but hate season 3.

Anyways.

Facebook is entertaining me atm.

I'm trying to be as honest a possible. :P. Its failing. I have now become concerned because all my family have facebook as well, so anything said on there, could get back to the rents.

I say this, while clicking 'continue to results' on a 'Are You A Player?' quiz. LOL.

Just about to go for some roast dinner, Lovely stuff.

Oh NO, the gravy has all black ness on it. My dinner might not be how I like it. I love gravy. :'(. Hhmm, I have been using that smiley sequence a bit more than I usually do, tonight.

Nah, the gravy was lovely.

xx

... But I Have The Key.

So, hey. I have been blogging a lot lately. I gather most people are skimming, which is cool. I didn't really have the expectation that people would be sitting here reading them all.

Today, I have felt kind of out of it. Like I am just on the side or something. Ah well. As I always must do, I shall ignore it, and move on. Hopefully I will feel Ok later.

My hair annoyed me this morning. I had a shower, and got out, my hair was wet, and I dried it, and did what I always do, and them my hair was all weird and just shit, and it annoyed me, and I got angry. I always get angry. Why do I get angry? Ah well, again. My anger is pointless.

I am tired I think, maybe.

Little orange sticky notes. Theatre styles?

I am in the mac labs at school again. Not on the dodgy computer, so its all OK.

I need to sleep or something. Get away, or something. Nah, I need to just get my act together, or something. Just stop caring.

This keyboard is dirty. I can imagine that there is years worth of bacteria on here. Great!

Ok.

xx

That Door Is Locked ...

I just made myself a new blog. Its called 'The Mock Turtles Tail' and the url is 'www.10over6.blogspot.com'. There is nothing on it atm, but you wait.

So yeh. I'm in a 'change it' or 'start something new' kind of mood.

I should really try and do a little bit more productive with my days.

I need to organise things to do. I need to stop being a whore.

I need to lose weight.

xx

The End Of A Feast

Been making some minor adjustments to my blog. I was getting tired of Passion Foods. There was no passion left.

No, in fact, there is passion, but no food. Nothing to feast on, just biting on air.

So, now it has changed to Shelf Life.

Observations from my seat on the wall.

Oh, I like that. I may put that as my description. Maybe.

I'm still as orange as ever though.

xx

Post 201

I missed the 200th. So am celebrating the milestone now. LOL.

Not really a milestone, more just a heck of a lot of shit.

I'm such a douche sometimes. I'm sorry for that.

Nostalgia.

xx

Oh Lep!

It was Mr. A who I was texting.

The conversation was not for the faint.

LOL.

I would of just said that, but I never feel comfortable talking. So I apologise for my vague-ness and my obvious efforts to blow over the situation. It's my basic instinct to deflect.

If I'm honest, I trust you.

xx

Anyone's Assumptions Would Just Be ... True

LOL.

Is there anything really going on with me atm? I don't think so. Maybe. I will think about it.

Today I was nearly sick. My mum told me that yesterday (friday 15th may) at 8 in the morning, some 15 year old girl was knocked down by a car and killed, while walking her dog. Right before school, on the corner of Sir Donald Bradman and Marion roads. They say that the person that hit her down, probably wouldn't have even realised they had, because they were in such a big car.

It made me feel sick when I heard it. Imagine that, your at school, and you find out your friend was in a hit and run, and is dead. Imagine being the person that did it, that didn't even realise. What about when they find out?

Yep. It shook me a little bit. I don't really know why. It kind of just made me think a little.

Myspace is pretty shite these days. I've accepted its shittyness. Nothing is ever going on on there anyways, so whats to be concerned about. I go on there to check if anyone is saying anything to me, or to change my status. I've been making it, Shelf Life 'and ...........' The dot's representing what I would say after it. Atm its Shelf Life and The Swift. Meaning Taylor Swift. Because I am listening to her.

I want to go shopping. I want to have someone over for a sleep over. One person. I want to dye my hair. Why do I want?

Welcome to Sin City.

xx

Closet Doors Are Made Of All Kinds Of Wood

Dammit. I can't lie.

I shouldn't do. Dammit.

I downloaded Taylor Swifts first album. It's lovely.

I think there's only one person I really want to talk to.

Happy Birthday.

xx

The Ever Constant Changes To Your Dress

I'm writing myself stories. It's relaxing.

My family are being very up tight tonight.

I want to get out of here.

I am starting to get pissed off with everything in here.

xx

Tweedle Deedle

I guess you shouldn't be honest, if you can't handle the truth.

I've been reading between a selection of posts. Each in relation to others, and so forth. It's interesting.

There's no point asking the question, if you aren't willing to listen to the answer.

Maybe.

The Hippo sang a song of nothing.

xx

After I Saw The Light

I saw myself in the mirror in the mac labs today, and decided that I dislike my face up close. LOL.

I also conjured up the idea that I don't quite look as fat as I had previously believed, but mmm.

I am quite the woman.

Oh this song is brilliant. I loves it a lot.

I'm pretty sure its about a car crash. So amazingly done. The song, not the crash.

Time to go make taco's and do some more thinking.

xx

Sad Eyes

I've been listening to Bat for Lashes recently. I downloaded 2 albums, but only one works, but that's OK. It just means that I will listen to one at a time.

The songs are nice, the kind that I like. They are sweet and having something to them. But yeh.

I like to blog while listening to music, because it generates a certain mood in me. Plus, certain music makes me want to write certain things. It's all just a cycle that steadily releases what I have always wanted to say.

Atm, I am feeling quite relaxed and refreshed, because I don't have SO much school work anymore. It's all good now. Less stress.

Oh, this song begins oddly. I've heard it before, but i can't remember the way it sounds. Mmmm, odder still.

Apparently Natasha Khan wants to be like Sarah.

xx

Scouts Honour

So..

I had stuff I wanted to say. Because I have been trying to think of topics all the time, so that I can meet my quota. LOL. But I have forgotten most of them.

Right now, I am about to go get ready to make some Mexican food. YAY TACO's. I do love me some Taco's. I do like cooking too.

I shall try to remember some more tonight.

My posts will be of the plenty, but won't be pointless. This is all in aid of forcing myself to talk about what's going on in my head. Just because I feel I need to. So if I force myself to come up with worth while topics, eventually I will start opening up more, and Wallah! LOL, i originally spelt that vwalah. LOL.

So be prepared!

xx

Small Satisfactions

I was given free subway cookies on tuesday night. It was the highlight of my past few weeks.

It made my day.

xx

The Super Spears

I am lonely.

iF U SeeK aMY.

If only.

Yep, the extent of this blog is that. It's all I really need to say. Realistically.

It probably needs to be more in depth, so that people don't get the wrong idea. But I can't be bothered right now.

I have a lot of topics tonight.

xx

Spock

Apparently, the world can't get enough of finding stuff to throw on me. It decides to give me a weekend of naked brothers and ruined risk games.

Within the space of a night, I had one angry year 9. Within the space of 10 minutes I had another, and within the space of a phone call, another was 'disappointed' in me.

Year 9s. Gah, I thought gone were the days when I needed to be involved in crap. I've put myself back in it. Shit it. Piss it. Fuck it.

I AM GOING TO BREAK THIS COMPUTER IS HALF. sorry, my computer decided it was the write time to bring up a new window.

My mood is being constant tonight, and I have, atm, done nothing to help my causes.

Live long and prosper.

xx

A Red As Anger Can Be

I am angry.

Generally, I try my best to not be an angry person, but every more often than most, I have a spurt of anger.

When I mean more often, I mean like once a week is good for me. As I have previously stated, my home is a catastrophy, and the basic release point of my anger. So most of you have no real idea of the pinnacle of my stresses.

Right now, I am rightly pissed at the fact that half of my script is missing. It is lost in the ether, and will never be seen again. Write, so now, instead of just putting it on the end of a editted copy of my first half, I now have to completely re write it.

I hate not having a stick.

Tomorro, be warned. I will eat the faces of anyone who gets in my way.

xx

Simply Dysfunctional

My family don't talk to each other. Well really, my brother don't talk to me. He has his things, and I appreciate that he likes to keep them to himself. But I am intitled to worry.

We may not be full of quirks and misfortunes, we may not be constantly at ends with each other (atm) and we may not have tragic stories that would make death row men cry. But when push comes to shove, we are simply ... dysfunctional.

My home is the centre of all the shit in my life right now. I can pin point every shitty moment, and put it into my house.

I need vodka.

xx

Saga 1 : Downloaded Syptoms of the Consumption of Lies

Oh, and the rumour is that apparently I have been telling people that Alpha and I are going out.

Causing a bunch of people to say they are going to bash Alpha.

Odd.

Alpha was told this by his brother, who is also apparently going to be bashed.

Odd.

Yep, that's it at its finest.

xx

To The One On The Phone

High five Nail Biting Buddy.

LOL, just caught my brother and his girl friend playing 'scrabble'. My brother was naked, so I don't know what kind of scrabble they were playing.

Ah, that has lightened up my sombre mood.

LOL, myspace 'might' be having issues. Ah, the conversation in my head is making me laugh. Another sign I am losing it.

Ooo, recently been listening to Bat For Lashes. I like it, except for the copy of the second album I downloaded kinda makes popping sounds, and cuts out after 30 seconds. But the first album is sweet.

Otherwise, I am still pissed.

Realized how sad this hater must think I am. Oh btw people, The person who has stopped talking to me because they think I started a rumour, is Alpha.

Yep.

xx

Kimba's Tambourine

'It's not the nightmares that stop me from sleeping. I just know that you are awake as well.'

My brother liked my latest facebook status update. He thought it was poetic.

I thought I would share it with you, just because I thought it was nice as well.

The future is the mystery of life. The great inconclusive puzzle. Time is simply the passage into the maze, but not the way to the middle.

Kimba is one of the names I want to name one o my kids. I want children. Always have, always will. Kimba will be my first girl. Obie will be my first boy. Then I have Wilbur and maybe Thebes. Anyone in my classics class will know what Thebes is. But yeh, I have always wanted children, my own children. I want my own flesh and blood, and I want to try and grow some good, nice people. I want to succeed in generating lovely human beings.

Obie is a nice name, I think. It can work with any type of person. Obie Jack, Kimba Ace, Wilbur Aitken and Thebes Athene. LOL, the last one is very much ancient Greek. But I love them people. My kids will have odd names, but ones you can learn to accept. I think. Well Kimba and Wilbur are real names. Thebes is the name of a place. Obie is the name of the dog from garfield. Its all cool.

My dilemma with the future, is the possibility of these human beings never coming into existence. If you firstly consider my orientation for a start. But I have never pictured my future with a partner, but just simply with the kids. Surrogates and randoms ovaries. That'll do me. Raise some children on my own. Single dad. Sure, children are probably meant to have some form of maternal thing, but I'm not the kind of person to go traditional. Am i.

I want babies, and I then was kids and then I want teens, and I want them to turn into proper adults and have a proper life and make a difference. Holly thinks I would be a good dad. I want to be a Dad.

It's ok though. That future is rather far away. I am lonely atm. Very lonely.

Obie Jack Lane.

xx

:D

To match my self proclaimed quota I must post 3 posts each day for the next 7 days.

I am running out of topics, that don't delve to deep into my psyche.

I LOVE YOU ALL.

xx

Noddy

I'm sitting here, my mother and two of her friends sitting around the kitchen table chatting, my sister in her bedroom with her friend, and me contemplating everything.

Its not a very entertaining concept when you think of it.

I rarely, truly open up to people. I certain things that I think need to be said, or i say stuff on here, but I never truly try to pen up to any specific person. I think that's whats pissing me off the most. I'm not trusted enough, but I have trusted them.

Goodness Gracious Me.

Even though I feel this whole situation isn't one that deserves anyone responding with capital letters. It is bothering me, quite a bit.

'There's no preventative, directive or safe approach for living. We each know our own fate We know from our youth how to be treated, how we'll be received, how we shall end These things don't change You can change your clothes, change your hairstyle, your friends, cities, continents But sooner or later your own self will always catch up.'

That is my favourite song lyric/quote thing.

I put on a firefox persona thing, and its a cherry blossom tree.

I am trying to get 62 post in May. Double the amount of days. Averaging ofcourse to 2 a day. But yeah.

OMFGILYSFM

xx

I Will Not Antagonize The Situation

At this present moment in time, I am being hated for supposedly starting a rumor that apparently is going to cause someone to be bashed.

There is nothing I have said anywhere, that could be taken out of context to become a rumor, and have some connection to this person.

I say that, because I have probably said things and they have had consequences for other people, I duno. But simply, this person is no longer talking to me, because they think I am going to cause them to be bashed.

I would be OK with this, realistically, if I knew I had done something wrong. But I know I haven't done anything. So it is annoying me, how this person hasn't even considered asking me my side of things.

At least offer me an opportunity to explain. Rather than completely shutting me out. That's all I want.

It's causing its own problems among people I don't think deserve to have the problems lain on. If that makes sense.

It's unfair really. Especially considering how well we were getting on the night before. Within the space of half a day, things went from absolutely brilliant, to a plane crash.

It's this kind of stuff that makes me such an angry person sometimes. I;ve done nothing wrong, but am being punished for it.

I hate bitchy Year 12's that hate me. Jumping to conclusions and then forming stories from it. It's them that have done this, I can just see how it all happened.

I am being more pissy and sarcastic and annoying.

All will be fine, when I get my chance to speak

xx

Be Safe

One of those fucking awful black days
When nothing is pleasing and everything that happens
is an excuse for anger
An outlet for emotions stockpiled, an arsenal, an armour
These are the days when I hate the world
Hate the rich, hate the happy, hate the complacent, the TV watchers,
beer drinkers, the satisfied ones
Because I know I can be all of those little hateful things
And then I hate myself for realising that
There's no preventative, directive or safe approach for living.
We each know our own fate
We know from our youth how to be treated,
how we'll be received, how we shall end
These things don't change
You can change your clothes,
change your hairstyle, your friends, cities, continents
But sooner or later your own self will always catch up.
Always it waits in the wings
Ideas swirl but don't stick.
They appear but then run off like rain on the windshield
One of those rainy day car rides my head implodes,
the atmosphere in this car a mirror of my skull
Wet, damp, windows dripping and misted with cold
Walls of grey
Nothing good on the radio
Not a thought in my head

Lets take life and slow it down incredibly slow
Frame by frame
With two minutes that take ten years to live *out*
Yeah, lets do that.

Telephone poles like praying mantis against the sky
Metal arms outstretched
So much land travelled so little sense made of it
It doesn't mean a thing all this land laid out behind us
I'd like to take off into these woods and get good and lost for a while
I'm disgusted with petty concerns; parking tickets, breakfast specials
Does someone just have to carry this weight?
Abstract typography, methane covenant, linear gospel,
Nashville sales lady,*stygian emissary* ,torturous lice, mad Elizabeth
Chemotherapy bullshit

The light within you shines like a diamond mine
Like an unarmed walrus
Like a dead man face down on the highway
Like a snake eating its own tail, steam turbine, frog pond,
two full closets burst open in disarray
Soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible,
shopping list, blowjob, deaths head, devils dancing,
bleached white buildings, memories, movements
The movie unpeeling, unreeling, about to begin

I've seen your hallway, you're a darn call away
I've hear your stairs creak
I can fix my mind on your yes, and on your no
I'll film your face today in the sparkling canals
All red, yellow, blue, green brilliance and silver Dutch reflection
Racing thoughts, racing thoughts
All too real, you're moving so fast now I cant hold your image
This image I have of your face by the window,
me standing beside you arm on your shoulder
A catalogue of images, flashing glimpses then gone again
*I’m tethered to this post you’ve sunk in me and* Every clear afternoon now I'll think of you up in the air twisting your heel,
Your knees up around me, my face in your hair
You scream so well, your smile so loud it still rings in my ears

Inhibition
Distant, tired of longing
Clean *my* teeth
Stay the course.
Hold the wheel
Steer on to freedom
Open all the boxes
Open all the boxes
Open all the boxes
Open all the boxes

Times Square midday
Newspaper buildings, news headlines going around
You watch as they go, *and hope for some good ones*
Those tree shadows in the park they're all whispering chasing leaves
Around six pm, shadows across the cobblestones
Girl in front of bathroom mirror as
she slowly and carefully and paints her face green *mask like Matisse ‘Portrait with Green Stripe’*
Long shot through apartment window, a monologue on top but no girl in shot
The light within me shines like a diamond mine
like an unarmed walrus
like a dead man face down on the highway
Like a snake eating its own tail
A steam turbine, frog farm, two full closets burst open in disarray,
soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list,
blowjob, deaths head, devils dancing,
bleached white buildings, *memory*, movements
The movie unreeling, about to begin

That was great
Yeah? Mine were alright. Weren't my best one but who cares?
That's the spirit...

No More

HAHA, classic. Absolutely perfect. Thank you dear.

A mood elevator that would make you want to kill yourself, family and any orphaned child you could find.

I hope your self absorbed opinions get you into the grave you always wanted.

Your the type of person who would shoot a tranquilized lion.

The person, who if someone said their arm hurt, you'd stab them in the other to even it out.

You have no idea of life and neither do I.

I'm done.

xx

Schizophrenia

You can watch me corrode.

Maybe I am self centred and stuck up.

Pfft, No.

I'm just here, and I am just saying what I need to.

Alpha was right, I shouldn't be on the computer so much. Its pointless and just boring. Good kid.

So the story goes, and continues some more, and ends quite quickly.

Hay, fat man, shut up. Right, that's the thoughts. No?

Ok, I shall stop this.

I just hope you listen to my song.

xx

Don't Disappear

Little girl, with her mouth so dry. Don't wither away. Don't un knowingly die.

I recently have been thinking a lot about all those numbers of people out there in the world, that have eating disorders.

The play I'm writing for drama has an anorexic girl in it. I hope to do the issue justice. Properly give a genuine display. Well, through the way I write it.

But it just occasionally comes back into my head, and makes me rather sombre. Morbid. My thoughts on the whole thing has become more elevated lately.

Anyways. If there is anyone paying attention to my blog, they would realise that I just keep posting. This is because I a) want to complete some form of undefined quota and b) because I have a lot I need to say, and am saying it now.

Simply.

xx

Life Is What Happens When Your Busy Making Plans

I think I might just actually go crazy now. a) I'm bored, b) I feel unnaturally down, as I have done all week, and c) I just don't want to be fat anymore.

The title is a 'Sex and the City' quote, if anyone wished to know. No, of course no one wanted to know, because no one is reading this. So why do I care that I am rambling.

Dear Diary.

That's what this is like, this is my diary. The only one reading this, is the diary itself. So the god of blog is reading what I am saying. That fits with what I know of organised religion.

Well, my credit went from $28 to $5. Dam them all. That was one phone call.

I feel like partying. If I knew anyone that partied, and would take me with them. Then I would be partying.

That could be a way to develop some more of my whoreness and lower even more of my self esteem. Sounds good huh.

If anyone is reading this and thinking IDC. Go f**k a lemon.

If your reading this thinking, Oh god, whats going on. Ask me. But don't be prepared for a straight answer.

I love you less now than when you attacked me and left me to drown.

xx

Matilda

So, another prospect. I shall name this one, Mr A.

Mr A and I have been sharing conversations now for hhmm, about 3 weeks I'd say. We have pretty similar ideas on people, and what we want. Apparently, Mr A has some rather bitchy rich friends, that I should need to watch out for if anything were to happen.

Now, our conversations have gone further than the net, and have gone further than just casual chit-chat. If I didn't constantly feel ugly and fat, then I would feel that I could just simply jump this guy and get it over with. Mr A does continuously barrage me with 'Your cute'. Mr A also enjoys my accent. Score one for the English guy.

But the thing Mr A just said to me. 'I wish you were pure'. Oh no he didn't. Yes, yes he did. Now, you may or may not have ever realised this, but I occasionally feel like a whore. A dirty, legs open, loose fitting, sausage down hallway, whore. EEWW. Wait, not quite to that extent, good god no. But a knee bending whore, non the less.

Mr A, simply would prefer if his first time was with also a first timer. Causing me to go from, cute English boy, to dirty soiled man whore, in the space of a second. Damn this. Damn it all.

I need a booster, not a downer. Continue talking about how fun it is touching yourself and forget about telling me how much of a slut I have been.

Well, for those who have just read that, and have changed there opinion on me, or any of my affiliates. Please be prepared to tell me the truth when ever we may cross paths.

Anyways. Bridge is a tosser. Oh, there are 2 other names I need. Hhhmm, how about, Deborah Harry and Little Alpha. Deb H and Alpha for short. If you search Deborah Harry, you will probably get links to the band 'Blondie'. Alpha is a Greek letter. That's the reasons for those nicknames.

Deb H once courted with Bridge. But they aren't together anymore. But Deb H, is also a bit of a tosser. In fact, Deb H hasn't spoke to me in a while. Bitch.

As for Alpha, well, almost perfection. Practically all the same interested and feelings towards anything. But, I duno. I say this, because that's how I see it, but really there is more to it.

Hhmm, so my list of names, are: Mr A, Bridge, Deb H and Alpha. LOL. I am a weirdo.

This is all for future reference. I like a sense of un knowing.

For the 2 people that read this, I hope you futurly enjoy my explanations of these nicknames, and the people that fronted them. You'll see.

I only love those who love back.

xx

Broken Space Bar

I'm in the music mac lab, and since I am on the mac's, I can't do my drama speech. Well, I can't keeping going on with it, I could probably do something. Oh, I now remember how crappy this keyboard is. Dammit.

Gambit is in the new X-Men movie. It concerns me how little people know about the X-Men world. Well, not concerns, rather seemingly worries. I don't think worries works there either. Ah well.

Am I angry at anything.. no. Anything bothering me, at the moment.. no. Well, maybe. Am I stressing about anything.. no. I do feel unattractive. During the school hours, I slowly get paranoid and insecure. I may see my reflection in a window or mirror, notice someone's judging stare or listen too closely on what people are saying about me. I can end the day feeling rather low.

I am OK with my own paranoia. No one seems to justify my feelings, so I could simply be making mountains out of molehills. Still doesn't stop my daily ritual of self analysis and peer checking. I need to lose my baggage, and work to some change. I guess.

I once wanted to be a doctor. Back in the day. At that point in my life, I believed I wouldn't be able to cope with the blood and such. That concept is unquestionable these days. I have no qualms about blood and guts. I do, though, have different dreams and aspirations. Its a game out there, the ultimate competition. Lives are chosen through the gamble we take to play. Eventually, we will be able to stop this sport and just be happy with our prizes.

All the worlds a stage.

eMacs are shite.

xx

Where am I going

I could fall asleep right now. I reckon. Maybe I will when I get home. Nah, scratch that. I have better things to do that sleep.

Cheese.

Westboro Baptist Church, are racist homophobic ass wipes, with a hitler for a father.

Thats right. LEISHA.

Assumptions.

Anyways, to something probably more interesting.

Have you ever noticed the big red snake, on the glass in the library becuase I am lookibng at it, right now. IT HAS NO HEAD!!

'Each Morning I Get Up And Die A Little, Can Bearly Stand On My Feet'

Queen rock your mothers ass.

ITS ADORABLE, THATS RIGHT!! ADORABLE.

Now you know.

Unconnected sentences.

Ok, peeps, what we need in the world, is some social and human respect. We don't respect the strangers we see, rather we treat them like vermine that should never be touched. Its is our perogative to be distant from those around us, from people we don't know. But even if we aren't going to be welcoming strangers into our lifes, we should be able to treat them with some respect, and give them something nice each day.

Yeh.

I need to think before I blog. I shall try, but for now, my random bouts of information and opinion and the steadily slurry of simple crap.

Congratulations on growing up.

xx

Make Linda's Day

I made a cause.

http://www.causes.com/myspace/causes/276669?e=749d4d2c&recruiter_id=15169637

I hope this works.

Its a simple cause, that I will explain on a later date.

xx

Buddah Will Kill You Fred

So, I have just been looking at some nice old websites. Ones of Hate.

The Westboro Baptist Church (WBC)

These are the people who were going to picket Heath Ledgers funeral, because he played a gay cowboy in Brokeback Mountain.

There homepage is http://www.godhatesfags.com/.

They believe Homosexuals, Americans, The Chinese, Indians, Catholics, Italians, The Irish, The Swedish and all those who do not oppose homosexuality, are going to Hell.

This is a letter, by his son, who left http://www.rickross.com/reference/westboro/westboro8.html

and here is there Wikipedia page http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church

The leader, Fred Phelps, is a terrible man.

They are the Most Hated Family In America.

xx

It's Social Schizophrenia

Different Around Different People.

I am Sam. I am Tom. I am Parker. I am Nancy. I am Indie. I am Steve. I am You, but never Me.

But I think I was Me, for a whole night.

Not a cure, just the placebo.

xx

I Just Hope You Get Your Fireplace In The Rain.

Haha, only me and one other person understands that title. People could figure it out, if I tried to explain it. So I won't.

My head hurts, probably because I was walking around in the wet and cold. Took me an hour to get home from Thalassa park. Walking home in the rain, Wooh.

Winnie the Pooh. That's what that 'Wooh' made me think of.

Jungle Fever.

Things are changing. No, its just been 2 weeks since some form of normality. Things feel like they are changing, maybe. Ooo. My hair should change. Highlights, Low lights, Blond, Darker.

Legs, Homework, Paintballing, Waist, Nighttime, Sleepovers and an unemployed mother.

I really don't want to grow up.
Sex is the devil.

It is the stealer of ones innocence. Sure, I think that's the truth, what you got to say about it. Hmm, huh.

I want to wake up and be 7. To be 7 again, not 17. 7 people, the best, the greatest, the honestly most simplest. Sure, not everyone's 7 was great. In fact, mine was shit. If I was to become 7 again, I would not want to live out the same year again, that's just stupid.

Otherwise. I don't want to complain.

I just don't like the prospect for the future.

xx

I Want To Own 7 Lava Lamps

There is a Hair Dryer lying on the floor right next to me.

That's not what I was going to say, but I just thought it kind of just needed to be said. there isn't usually a hair dryer there.

Oh, no, this post has now become pointless.

See, when I come on the computer, I open up blogger and read peoples things, and then go to write a new post, and it sits here and waits for me to put my thoughts down, and now this one, has become useless, and I don't really want to get rid of it now. So this is just a little post helping you understand that way my posts work. Most paragraphs can be hours apart.

Foohy Sharpener

xx

Accept Your Throne Dear Queen

So. Whats up?

I still have a LOT more to do, but I am happy with how far I have got with my drama. :)

OO, I should write a task list. Nah, I'm scared of realising how little I have done. It 'could' make me work better, but realistically, it would probably make me stress more. Maybe. Hmm.

I have a realistic outlook of what I have to do, so its all OK really.

So, no real development otherwise in my holidays. Still scratching through the day with no real point or conclusion. Still pathetic and lonely. Well, not really lonely, persay, considering I still have my family about. But the thought is out there of one of loneliness. Pathetic, well, I don't know if that fits, but if you imagine a lesser version of pathetic. Not as in lesser as in worse than pathetic, but a less defined form of pathetic, maybe one more closer to unaware and helpless mixed together. hmm.

Ok, so some random person is speaking to through Myspace IM, there not in my friends list, and I don't understand how they are talking to me and such. Oddening.

Well yep. My next step. What to do What to do. Something needs to be done. Simply. Do I really have that little will power. No, no I don't. I have way less than that. No, I have will power. I have inner strength. I also have a constant ticking mind that makes me consider the point of doing things. I also consciously tell people to just do stuff, because they want to. Hmm, I can convince someone to do things just because, but can't for myself. Some more hypocrisy to add to my character.

Some people just know how to get me to do stuff. For better or for worse. Wait, good god, I'm not getting married. Anyways.

So, fate has dealt me some cards, how will it play out. Only time will tell.

My posts are becoming ridiculous again, non sensical babble about the antics i get up to while on the computer. No real development into my life or about me. Tut tut, Mr Orange.

One day, my story will be complete, and I won't be around to tell it.

xx

Soft Cabbage

Moving away from my 5 stages of death.

Mainly because at this moment in time, there is nothing going on, that even kind of relates to bargaining. Although I can imagine what might come to that. Ah, sadness.

Well, I think I did some good.

Although no one appreciates what I can do for them. HAHA. Ah, has been a nice weekend. I reckon.

What do I have to discuss. I have stacks of drama to do. I am talking literal stacks of work. I need a job. Hmm.

My mother has gave her 2 weeks notice for her job. Soon we will be living off one wage. Means there will be some changes and such, and I will be living with less. I am OK with that. I think my dad is concerned. Money is simply a tool for trading, and I don't want to trade my family, so I am happy.

Here a Ring, There a Ring, Everywhere a Ring Ring.

I might go for a walk in a bit. Just to walk. For no real reason.

The Placebo of a Dream.

xx

Anger.

Oh, its looks like the world has been engulfed by the sun. Time to move on.

Do you know whats sad. 13 year old boys taking photo's of themselves in there underwear, so that they can find someone to blow. Quite a society we must live in.

On a nicer note, I was happy to have done some socialising last night. Going to my best friends birthday party. Woo.

Ah, good. Oh.

That shouldn't have shook me as much as it did. Ah. I just got knocked off me feet. Dam him and his date. Gah, this is why I hate how the only method I have of finding people, is through scrawling Myspace's and friends of friends, so as introduce myself to people.

It all just means that there is nothing ever there. Now I am rolling on the floor after a day of gliding and flying.

Now I'm all shook up and wondering what to do.

My family is watching American Pie: Band Camp. I find it very odd, because my dad was so adamant to watch it. My brother failed his 72 hour 'stay awake' marathon thing. This will just mean he will have to try again.

Do I really wish it was me instead?

No, its just me finding things more tedious and hopeless. Mainly, hopeless. But as I explained before, it takes a lot of scrummaging through the bull rushes to find the messiah. That was a stupid, and possibly offensive metaphor.

Ah well. Back to Drama.

Silly me. I asked a stupid question to the ever whoresome Bridge. Whats he doing with his 'friend'. Home alone and horny.

Daycare sucks.

xx

P.S. I didn't expect my blog title to suit so well, hhmm, fate or coincidence. LOL

Denial.

Ah, its 2 23 on Thursday morning. I've been up a very long time now. Pretending to still be doing things worthwhile. When really I am just pissing about, doing absolutely nothing. Shame.

Family on facebook, woo.

Should have a good day today. Hopefully. Maybe. It all depends really.

Hhmm. I am talking to this person. I am going to call them Bridge. Me and Bridge are talking. He's up very late. He often does, apparently. He does not like the idea of dating. Well, not the way I explained dating.

The idea of dating, as displayed on 'Sex and The City', is one that amuses me. A non committal period of time spent with another human being, that will either lead to something more, or just be a day out. Something along those lines anyways.

Bridge is wanting a relationship. He is one of these people that can't handle being alone. He can't handle it so much, that he eventually gets so desperate he starts going crazily hormonal and starts trying to get you to watch him on cam. LOL. That was a funny night.

Of course, he never gets desperate enough to ask me. The single, lonely boy, sitting here. Bridge is a bit of an up him self tosser. But eh. I'm open for anything, tosser would be fine right now. Better than fat prick or ugly weirdo.

So, I questioned him as to what was the issue. Apparently, I come on too strong. I can still see something like that. Still doesn't stop him from being a tosser. LOL. Either way, I am still here.

Today should be nice. If all works out.

xx

Singer & Gangster ... Soprano

So, my brother has wrote out some bucket list for himself. Tomorrow he is going to try and stay awake for 72 hours. I don't quite understand why he has wrote out his bucket list, so young, but I guess the idea is that you never know when life is going to end.

It's got me thinking about all the things I want to do, and how I sit around here and whore myself out(emotionally). Yeh.

It also got me thinking about how often I slightly fantasize about his friend. Not like, sickening in depth sexual fantasies, but rather simple scenarios, that are likely to never happen.

Random Thought: Death is black, but ghosts are white.

This friend of his, often comes over. I often wonder to myself. You know, the simple, 'What If's?' Ah well. Life moves on.

I hate how all photo's I take, I never seem comfortable with them just as they are. I have to edit them, and I hate editing them, because when people see them, they know exactly why you edited them. Because you don't look like that. Eww, full stop in the wrong place, but the sentence doesn't flow how I think it should, and even now, gah.

I took a new one on my webcam, for my myspace. It looks pretty cool, but also like it isn't really showing a true me. Which it really isn't, but my webcam is crap.

Ah well.

I'm not contagious.

I have been reading lots of randoms myspace's, and I have to admit, that world is just full of liars. Ah, tis despicable.

Oh, everyone is calling for my dad. Gah, I hate the man he is talking to right now. Obnoxious twat. Not funny. Absolutely self centered. A shit head. Gah.

Maybe I would like to go see a movie. Maybe I would like to try and stay up for 72 hours, ey :P. I do want to save the world. Make a difference. Write a classic. Feel proud.

Ah, the mafia.

xx

Its A Muppet Merry Christmas

So, what have I done today. Not much at all. Contemplated much of what I should have been doing. Hmm. Been naughty, probably.

Rattling in this empty house.

Perverted.

Nah, just lost. Irony. The smell of it.

'I walk through the glass gates of a red crossed castle. A kingdom of life and death. I was bought through on wheels, looking at ceiling and sky. My family is no where to be seen.'

Anyways.

I have lots of homework I need to do. I also have an open invitation by my rents to have people over. Woot. Twould be nice.

OH, THATS PERFECT.

That would just fit into everything so well. Sorry, just had a conversation in my head. LOL. I wish I could watch movies in my head, like living statues do.

Moving on, effortlessly.

Mr Orange needs some topics to discuss. I would ask you to ask me questions and such, and I would voice my answer/opinion on the matter, but I doubt anyone would actually reply. So instead I shall just take notes throughout the day, and then try to elaborate on here. Otherwise, I will just ramble til proper things start being said.

The BeacHouse would be nice. Has anyone noticed how it is only spelt with one 'H'. Technically making it the beac house, LOL. If everyone was so literal, that's what they'd be calling it.

My computer is so crap, just crap. It shits itself all the time. Dammit and its pathetic attitude.

Ok, so tomorrow, I will either work some more on my homework, or try to get out of the house and see some people. Sounds good to me. Either way, I am going to make sure that tomorrow is a productive day.

22 is probably too old for me. 13 is probably too young.

xx

'Tactics, Comrades, Tactics'

I pledged to defend someone I know, no matter who attacks them. Simply, I am proud to say, I will defend them to my utmost capacity. They deserve nothing more than to be treated with respect and compassion.

I have felt like I was about to cry for about a week now.

I had convinced myself yesterday that my parents were going to split.

I wouldn't feel allowed to smile, if I didn't have Holly. That's the truth.

I am lost and pale.

xx

Pinchfeild Farm

I'm tired. Very tired. Time is slow. It's been slowing down.

I'm waiting for something. What? Do I know? Maybe it has nothing to do with me. What is it? Am I lost?

Ah, that's right. It's nothing, surely. Would it matter if I was dead inside? I don't think so. People have been coping with it, as it is. Oh wait, what am I talking about? No one believes something as stupid and as vague as that. Especially since I have not explained myself.

Is this me technically talking to myself. I think I am having 2 sides of a conversation here. How odd.

I wish I wrote a classic as well. Something people remembered. But I am not going to let what I am best at and what I am worst at, define my life. The truth is, someone is going to be better at everything we do, you just simply got to use what you got and do your best with it. As long as your doing that, people will respect you for it.

At this point in time, I still have respect, but I would lose it if you and others continued to complain of how not brilliant you are. I lost respect with myself a long time ago. Respect and truth. The things I want. Simply, respect me enough to tell me the truth, and tell enough truth to deserve respect.

Oh, I went on a tangent right there. My eyes are blurring. Weeeee.

I don't know who this guy is I am talking to on msn. But I just agreed to meet with him some time. Shame we planned for not during the holidays, because I believe our plans will never be met. I am hoping to meet up with other people during the holidays, so fingers crossed.

Oh, this conversation is going in a direction I knew it would. What to do, What to do. When we meet up. Well firstly, hahaha, I ain't going to tell you that. Thats confidential.

I am sad. No, CRAZY!!

Oh, we can get up to anything, thats quite an offer.

I am a whore. A Crazy Whore. I am also getting very OCD. Anything at all, he says. I don't think many people believe my claims of OCD, mainly because they are just menial and trivial things that seem unconnected that I seem to be mentioning of. But eh, I see something here.

I am not a perfectionist. HAHA, The Killers just said the perfect thing 'I'm Just Not Satisfied' or something like that. I thought it kinda fitted.

I am not a planner. Wow, that fits with so many other things in my life, but mainly I am talking about this conversation, and how this guy is persistent in wanting to know what we are going to be 'doing'. Gah, sickening, to plan something. Something so raw and basic.

I want to write legendary poetry. Soul changing stories. Epic novels. Life altering pieces of pure literary magic.

I could list of many more 'wants' in my life. My needs are simple, my wants are expansive.

I am getting confused by what I have and will say.

What smile is real? That one isn't.

I've done more than you.

I regret too much.

xx

D C D D N/A

I am, at the moment, listening to Jeff Buckley, and yes, I do want to post the lyrics up on here. Such a beautiful voice and sound and just general-ness about him. I would have loved to have known of him when he was alive.

Mascara Eyes.

I'm out of juice, can't think of anything I want to talk about.

xx

P.S. Failure is in the eye of the successful.

1971

Today, was weird. Also, it felt rather pointless. Well, the school work and the necessity to be at school. I think that's probably because it is so close to the holidays, which shall be SWEET!! Just on the basis that it won't be school, :P.

I believe that most kids would probably be counting down til the end of this term. Hoorah.

I'm interested to see how many people stick to there plans of doing homework through the holidays. I hope I do, I should, I am kinda keen to.

FAIRTRADE!

I should have gone to the forum.

I now have the number I always secretly wanted. No one realises how excited I was when I realised it had fallen into my lap. None of them realise either. Oblivious.

Also oddity in the way that someone questioned why they didn't find out about my orientational-ness until after other people. I guess it just felt like another slash that didn't need to be done. But still, it does bring up questions in my mind. But I shall explain to the dear.

Who knows? How many people? As many as I wished didn't? Ah, not what I wanted at all. A little, would have been much better.Should I tell my parents? What reasons do I have to justify needing to tell them?

I know who I want to tell next. So that is who I shall tell. Otherwise, I wish people had never found out. Never knew. Never thought anything. Sometimes I wish that, and then other times I am fine with it. Things are turning out how they were meant to, sadly.

Sex!

Ah, a topic that most think they understand, but no one really does. I think children have it right. Innocence and simplicity. Its how life was meant to be lived. But we have corrupted life with these ideals and expectations.

I heard someone say something like that before, and I am trying to recreate what they said in my mind. Its not working, obviously.

Simply, as adults (young adults) we tend to believe that children are naive and so utterly unaware of what the future holds, that there believes on what life is meant to be like, must be wrong. I am simply trying to say, that maybe children have it right, in all the ideas of living for fun and freedom and such, but as we grow up, it has been drummed into us that that is not how life is meant to be, that eventually we just start accepting it, and living our lives like that anyways. Which is a sad thought process and a sad transition in life, if you think about it. Like I just did.

Honestly, I am still wishing to wake up one day, and be young again. Not need to consider that there are changes, and that adulthood is just around the corner. No need to consider sex, money, career and just general future life. But I, along with everyone else, am stuck on a road that will only take us one way.

Ah.

One of my parents friends back in England died last night. I knew him. Not very well, but enough to kinda get a little not in my throat. He died of a brain tumour. He was told about it 5 weeks ago. 5 Weeks. That's not long at all. 5 weeks and then dead.

My dad is rather upset. He's kind of not really making much movement. Like he is moving, but not really adding anything to the flow of anything else. There's nothing I can do for him, or my mum.

I have work I probably should be doing. I also have SO much drama. As in the lesson, not like 'Drama', oh god my cat is coughing. I don;t have a cat, it was a reference to soapy drama's which are ridiculous and such. If people didn't understand, :P.

Tis nearly the holidays.

I hope I won't be lonely.

xx

Green Grass

Lay your head
Where my heart used to be
Hold the earth above me
Lay down in the green grass
Remember when you loved me

Come closer don't be shy
Stand beneath a rainy sky
The moon is over the rise
Think of me as a train goes by

Clear the thistles
And brambles
Whistle 'Didn't He Ramble'
Now there's a bubble of me
And it's floating in thee

Stand in the shade of me
Things are now made of me
The weather vane will say
It smells like rain today

God took the stars
And he tossed 'em
Can't tell the birds
From the blossoms
You'll never be free of me
He'll make a tree from me

Don't say good bye to me
Describe the sky to me
And if the sky falls
Mark my words
We'll catch mocking birds

Lay your head
Where my heart used to be
Hold the earth above me
Lay down in the green grass
Remember when you loved me



After properly reading the lyrics while listening to the song itself, I realised how nice this song really is.

Tell Me, Who Are You This Time?

I am sitting here, listening to Scarlett Johansson.

I do find her pretty amazing. She is both interesting and nice.

Her music intrigues me so much. I enjoy sitting here listening to it.

Ah, I have not had a developmental blog about how I am feeling, for quite sometime. If I am honest, I doubt I will say anything quite at all 'developmental' LOL. I am just listening to my Scarlett.

OH, has ended. So I start it again.

I'm feeling some what lost. I am also trying to get in someones pants. LOL. Ah slutting.

That's a joke BTW.

'There'll be no refreshment for a thirsty jackaroo
From melbourne to adelaide on the overlander
With newfangled buffet cars and faster locomotives
The train stopped in serviceton less and less often
There's nothing sadder than a town with no cheer
Voc rail decided the canteen was no longer necessary there'

Ah, the confusion and awkwardness.

LOL, Slutting.

'Bury our heart In the attic'

Ya.

I am done.

xx

Fannin Street

There's a crooked street in Houston town,
It's a well born path I've traveled down
Now there's ruin in my name, I wish I never got off the train,
I wished I'd listened to the words you said.

Don't go down to Fannin Street
Don't go down to Fannin Street
Don't go down to Fannin Street
You'll be lost and never found
You can never turn around
Don't go down to Fannin Street

Once I held you in my arms, I was sure
But I took that silent stare through the guilded door
The desire to have much more, all the glitter and the roar,
I know this is where the sidewalk ends.

Don't go down to Fannin Street
Don't go down to Fannin Street
Don't go down to Fannin Street
You'll be lost and never found
You can never turn around
Don't go down to Fannin Street

When I was young I thought only of getting out
I said goodbye to my street, goodbye to my house
Give a man gin, give a man cards, give an inch he takes a yard,
And I rue the day that I stepped off this train.

Don't go down to Fannin Street
Don't go down to Fannin Street
Don't go down to Fannin Street
You'll be lost and never found
You can never turn around
Don't go down to Fannin Street

I Don't Want To Grow Up

When I'm lyin' in my bed at night
I don't wanna grow up
nothin' ever seems to turn out right
I don't wanna grow up
how do you move in a world of fog
that's always changing things
makes me wish that I could be a dog
when I see the price that you pay
I don't wanna gow up
I don't ever wanna be that way
I don't wanna grow up

Seems like folks turn into things that they'd never want
the only thing to live for is today...
I'm gonna put a hole in my T.V. set
I don't wanna grow up
open up the medicine chest
and I don't wanna gow up
I don't wanna have to shout it out
I don't wanna be filled with doubt
I don't wanna be a good boy scout
I don't wannt have to learn to count
I don't wanna have the biggest amount
I don't wanna grow up

Well when I see my parents fight
I don't wanna gow up
they all go out and drinking all night
and I don't wanna grow up
I'd rather stay here in my room
nothin' out there but sad and gloom
I don't wanna live in a big old tomb
on Grand Street

When I see the 5 o'clock news
I don't wanna grow up
comb their hair and shine their shoes
I don't wanna grow up
stay around in my old hometown
I don't wanna put no money down
I don't wanna get me a big old loan
work them fingers to the bone
I don't wanna float a broom
fall in love and get married then boom
how the hell did it get here so soon
I don't wanna grow up

Song For Jo

Do you remember
How we'd fallin' asleep
On the bathroom floor
Wasn't always pretty
On the white tiles
Cool as the sound
Of your daddy's house

Wake abandoned
Smoke out
The windowed floors
From your daddy's house

You're alive today
Small hands of a woman
With an animal heart

Noooooooooo
Noooooooooo

Hold my for a minute
If I could spend
A moment
With you, you
In your daddy's house

Gentle screams
As we made it home

Let's get
Bury our heart
In the attic
Bury our heart
In the attic
Of your daddy's house

Scarlett

Well I wish I was in New Orleans
I can see it in my dreams
Arm in arm down Burgundy
A bottle and my friends and me
Hoist up a few tall cool ones
Play some pool and listen to that
Tenor saxaphone calling me home
And I can hear the band begin
When The Saints Go Marching In
By the whiskers on my chin
New Orleans I'll be there

I'll drink you under the table
Be red nose go for walks
The old haunts what I wants
Is red beans and rice
And wear the dress I like so well
Meet me at the old saloon
Make sure there's a Dixie moon
New Orleans I'll be there

And deal the cards roll the dice
If it ain't that ole Chuck E. Weiss
And Clayborn Avenue me and you
Sam Jones and all
And I wish I was in New Orleans
I can see it in my dreams
Arm in arm down Burgundy
A bottle and my friends and me
New Orleans I'll be there

LOL

5O percent of people marry one of there best Mates from secondary school, because I sent it to you, you will get ed on Friday the person you like, tomorrow will be the best day of your life. if you choose to break this chain you will suffer. You have 1O minutes to send this. It isn't fake. Copy paste this to 14 people in 1O minutes now BUT DOONT SEND IT TO ME OR ELSE!

The Day Never Ended

Today feels like it has gone on forever. Its only 6 09 atm and its weird.

I can't honestly say that its because of day lights savings, because that doesn't make sense. It just feels like today has lasted for so long, and its not even over yet.

Hmm.

My fingers are starting to ache from all the msning, twittering, blogging and homeworking. ouch.

LOL

xx

140 Characters Just Wasn't Enough Space

I am starting to think I spend too much time on the internet. Maybe.

OOO, yay, fields of nice comments left in my truth box. This is nice, considering the general trend has been to fill my truthbox with stupid and pointless little snipes, that generally don't make sense, and don't even grace me with a conclusion. Anyways.

I have received 2 such nice comments, that I am open to sharing them with you.

Firstly,

'what do i really think about sam. he leaves trails of himself everywhere without realising. These all make me smile. Things most people do are no longer annoying when sam does them, he makes them fun, i can see anything from his eyes. when i want to of course'

Secondly,

'if we was as different as we think we are sometimes but we both know that we're not. Then i was trying to decide last night whether i would call u chalk or cheese. my head isnt clockwork so i first thought okayy, he's cheese because he is interesting has good taste and is mature. You also have holes which you leave people, me, to fill in. which i secretly like but wouldnt tell you. Then i thought no wait you would be chalk because chalk is the one that expresses, it writes, it draws it creates. You are also like chalk because you are many colours, i love them all about you. So then once realising damn it hes everything, my everything. This irritated me, honestly. So then i thought hmm. what would i be? chalk or cheese and i couldnt put a finger on it. But then i realised that it doesnt matter what i am because whatever im like, im like you too :) and then that made me smile, because your my role model in more ways than one. i am finished now. i hope you dont know who i am.'

oh and also, Thirdly,

'Sam is very nice. He like orange. He does drama when i have art. My role model. He thinks he has a feminine face with a big forhead. he doesnt. i know him best :) my surrogate. blows everyone away. is caring. is smiling. is random. is an amazing poet. is awesome. is funny. is different. he is unique. he is not samuel. his name is hebrew. there's like 17 of him in florida. he thinks edward cullen is ugly. he IS smart. he trusts me. hes my closest friend. hes my piggy bank of secrets. hes a comfy cloggen. he is an ace bowler. he just left me one of these messages. he is special. he makes me jealous. he is cool as. he needs ppl to badger him when theres something wrong. he doesnt like female dogs. he made me tacos. he is in my nans good books. he wins in all areas xx'

These make me happy.

xx