Aimless

I do hate stupid people.

LOL. 2 days til my birthday, should be good.

I am 8 away from my quota, and after this post 7. I may do it. Hopefully. I would feel good about it, even though I did destroy any credibility I have. LOL.

My party tomoro, I wonder what will happen.

Ask me a question about yourself?

xx

An Introduction of The Alphabet

YAY. A new person. One that could of been a prospect previously, but one I had not taken the chance to go for. I am concerned about the number of arrogant people out there, and so get very disconsolate with people sometimes.

He shall futurally been known as: Zed. LOL

LOL, frivolity.

I have been a facebook friend of Zed for a while now. But haven't really tried talking to him. Then tonight I was like, screw it, i'm saying hi. Through IM ofcourse. I then added his myspace and msn, and now we are talking. Good fun.

Only one defining detail, his orientation. oop.

Hmm, Mr A as well. Could be a good night. I shall work on finding out what kind of type Zed is into, lol. I am a loser. WOOHOOO He is bi. YAY.

Now it gets personal.

xx

Each Song Is Sung For You But Only I Am Listening

You make the world look so much more attractive.

I hope to one day be like you.

xx

Garlic Bread and Fanta

Ok, so my mother is out tonight, having spent most of the day out drinking wine, on a wine tour around the barossa. Fun. This means I am going to have to help lug her drunk ass around the place.

2 days til my birthday, I am quite excited. I am hoping to get lots of money and love. LOL.

Can you really test insanity?

xx

Our New Friends

The Swastika.

Apparently my school is the home of white loving, black hating, asian beating neo nazi's, who for some reason felt it was just to decorate the school with obnoxious racial hatred, and discriminative threats.

It got me thinking, about racial divides and such. How, even though America just elected a black/african american president, it hasn't changed the way people think, still holding on to there stereotypes. We still have our presumptions and invented opinions.

These people that said 'kill gooks' and 'niggas die' don't even understand what kind of ground they are setting for everyone around them. They are the shit of this earth. Small minded, petty, little derelicts who don't know the first thing about common human decency.

They make me sick.

xx

Woolworths in Blackwood

I AM SELFISH! All I do is think of myself. Of course my birthday party gives me no right to ask. Can't make 10 pizza's, thanks anyways.

I always hate this week.

xx

Crumple Zone

3 DAYS!

She still don't trust me. She is annoying me now. Youngens and there believes of maturity. Tell me I act like a year 9.

Thats right.

xx

Seat Filler

I'm coming close to my quota. I do feel terrible because of my self destruction of blog, but I felt like I needed to try and achieve something. That's a cop out, really I just wanted to make sure that May had the most posts in it, and also to see if I could open up a bit more. Which hasn't happened.

I love you, yes you, right there.

Dammit.

xx

Red Lorry, Yellow Lorry

That's made of paper.

Hopefully, now that I have made some creative arrangements for my birthday party, it should all be good. 5 days to go. OMG. I shall be 17, YAY.

Out of my group of year 12's I am the youngest. Signaling the last 17th birthday party for us all. Yoop! Goodness, I remember when I thought 7 was old. Ten years later look where I am. Hmm, I'm happy with that, that's all good.

I sure hope my birthday will be a success. Unlike previous years. I will keep my fingers crossed.

What are you going to get me?

xx

Thorndike

He would be a psychologist, of types.

It would be so much simpler if I was a woman. I would probably not be so lonely. I might even be prettier (cough) or I might be sluttier, I don't know. Either way, it would just be simpler. At least then I could generally assume that a guy would most probably want to get into my pants.

LOL, the whole 'get into pants' phrase always makes me kind of chuckle inside. That's why I like to sue it.

But along those lines, not necessarily the whole getting into pants thing (haha) but more the whole, liking/not liking , crushing, the possibility, ooo a party, random hook up, ooo, yayh, and such. All the bullshit that I can't take for granted.

Hay you, in the shirt, tell me if you like the men or not, because I'm not sure. Or for those of you with probably friends of the like mind nature, I duno, give em my number, LOL.

Patricia White eat your heart out.

xx

The Irony Will Kill This School

Why don't you trust me little one? The questions I am now asking myself.

Am I a trustworthy person. Do you people trust me? I don't want to know for what reasons for or against, I would just like to know if I am a trustworthy person. She's got me shaken.

In fact, who do I trust. Wholey and soley. No one, I guess. There are people I would tell certain things to, or wish to say certain things about, but I never truly open up to people, or give people the chance to get inside (LOL) and like, hmm. Even on here I don't really open up, I may hint to certain things, or subtly talk about something, but realistically I don't.

Is that really the problem. No one will open up because I don't either.

Only time will tell.

xx

Poor Baby :P

If I had kept up with my quota, I would be on 50 posts for this month. Sadly, (only sadly to me) I have not been successful in that. I of course shall still keep trying.

I shall keep this brief.

I am lonely.

xx

Aunt Pervert

Old King Cole
Was A Merry Old Sole
And A Merry Old Sole Was He

LOL, I don't think that is right.

Only a drive through lover.

I needed to vent, about my parents, because my dad ruined my birthday, and my mother just kind of accepted it. All my plans for my birthday were to make it easier for my dad, so that he didn't have to spend lots of money, and so we weren't in the way, and one detail and he goes all crazy.

Why can't I have my party on the driveway? Who cares if the neighbours see, I know I don't. People bitch whether you do the right thing or not, might as well have fun in the process. That's what annoys me, its completely against everything I believe in, and that's his reason. Well that's the reason he gave me.

Every year my birthday has to be cut down into this crappy shitty boring version of what I wanted. The plans in my head would of been awesome.

The other thing that pisses me off, is there is no compromise, its simply, no I don't want it on the driveway. I ask why, he says, because, and I say, well I don't understand. It's my fricking birthday. I've had my party in the garage, in the corner of my house, and now, instead of trying to spread a little bit, its back to the corner again. This time, though, I am going to try and make it my own again.

I want some tail.

xx

You Sunk My Battleship

LOL, I love the Simpsons. and SCRUBS

Last episode next week. I think I will cry. It was sad today. I can see what is going to happen. I just hope its nice. :D My Love of scrubs is deep.

Hmm, I just got reminded of that joke, 'Why do we drive on the parkway and park on the driveway', it's a silly joke, that makes fun of the English language and its inconsistencies. Ah well.



Certainly would of been funner the way I wanted it.

xx

Shawton The Spider

Old King Cole

Oky doky. So anyways. Have you ever considered the size of an elephant, and noticed how insignificant that elephant is to the rest of the world.... the possibilities.

Right, well. If you feel hated, by a number of people, the best thing to do, is to let everyone know you are not happy about it. Aw. Ok well. I reckon I could make a nice long list of all the people that hate me, it would be a joyous occasion. Goodness, how many people is it? Ok, let me think.

Ouch, too many. Anyways, I would suggest to cheer up, and not let people effect you, but I don't think I have the right to put in my input, so I will just leave it be, for now.

My hair? Shorter or longer? Darker or lighter? It's always about my frigging hair, isn't it. LOL. I am a woman obsessed. Glasses, good or nah? LOL. I shouldn't care. No one should care. If no one cared the world would be a better place. The world would be nicer. Simpler. Easier. Nah, if we didn't have that, we would have something else. That's the way the world works.

What are you doing?

Anyways.

Everyone enjoy your fun.

xx

12:34

Ok, I am reasonably happy now. I believe I should have most probably passed my psychology test. YAY.

I am bored. Very bored. No more lessons. No more work. Just kind of chilling, with nothing much to do at all. Now there is music on, I don't know who it it, but its sounds alright. Nice and sweet and such.

A MAD HATTERS TEA PARTY.

You'll see. LOL.

Anyways. Do I have anything to talk about.

My birthday is in 6 days. Party in 5.

Aw, what a neatio invitation. LOL.

So, anyways. I'm in my glasses. Woo! It's helping me see. My eyes had been getting a bit dodgy, and so now, I can see much better. Which is probably a good thing. I have marks on my nose where they have been sitting on my face, LOL.

What do we really value?

xx

NO, I'm No Ones Wife, But OOH I Love My Life

'Start the car, I know a woopi spot, where the gin is cold and the piana's hot'

LOL

My insecurities are telling me that I am doing everything simply for myself. I don't think so. I was just thinking, that no, maybe most of the things I do, ARE for other people. As much as I wish they weren't.

But how do I change that. Because wouldn't I be changing for the sake of other people.

Ah, I don't really care. No one is as individual as they think. I will just be myself.

'I'm going to rouge my knees and wear my stockings down'

xx

Dormouse

I just swept up the leaves around my house. It was a stressful job, mainly because I made it stressful. I'd get frustrated and such. My i-pod head phones falling out of my ears, or the wind blowing the leaves, or the bag to put the leaves in not staying open and all the leaves falling on the floor. Either way, I was conscience of how angry I kept getting.

So, its 8 days til my birthday. Tomorrow is will be a week away. Wooh. I have a brilliant idea for what I want to do for my birthday. It should work out nicely. It's a very 'me' kind of thing. I will tell you, when I know if I can do it. You can sit there and ponder what it might be, for now.

I've been stressing about my travel plans for tonight. Lucky, my dad has saved me, and offered to pick me up, as well as take me. But I think he added extra sweeping areas, just to even it out. I don't mind. I wasted about $6-7 of credit, on texting people to see if they could take me home. But it's all cool now.

I am listening to Miley Cyrus. I am actually unsure why. I like her songs, to an extent, but I'm not quite sure why I decided to listen to her.

I have jobs for my mum to do now. The usual, vacuum the living room, and clean my bedroom. It's all cool.

I think I will need to have another shower.

xx

PUTS YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR

Hello to the world with its cheese graters and coffee cups.

STOP WITH THE DRUMMING AND SINGING!! We get it. You over there, sitting next to that kid, and you with the chin.

LOL, a crescent moon.

What do I have to say? Nothing much really. I made dinner last night, as I do every thursday, so thats not very exciting. I am looking forward to starting our play in drama. It is 9 days until my birthday. I will be 17. YAY. But what to do?

I don't care about JAI HO!!

Anyways.

Yep, there is nothing going on atm. That I need to talk about. I am quite chill.

I'm so 3008, your so 2000 and late.

xx

'Not My Business' Inditio said

'I see your face in the mirror
and your light in the sun
I hope you were young
I hope you were young'

I went to make dinner and forgot what this post was going to be about. Yummy yummy Fajita's. I love them.

Ask me a question.

xx

Spaghetti

I caught the eye of my chip shop guy, last night. HAHA.

My chip shop guy. That would be a guy, who works at my local chippy, who I have only seen twice, but yeh. LOL. I went in for some chips yesterday, and caught his eye. Was really a nothing moment, but eh. :P.

Anyways.

That was just something I was going to mention last night, but I didn't get on.

I am a loser, LOL.

xx

Blue Spray Can

I was expecting have a relatively bad day. I was going to be angry and stuff. I was in that kind of mood last night. Like, when I got to bed, I was all angry and everything, and hated the world. Today though, I don't hate the world, I am OK with the world. So, I am alright today.

I'm just going to check something.

Yay, I like my reflection today. I don't feel ugly. Woop!

or fat, for that matter. I feel good today. I haven't felt 'good' in a while. I think.

Oh wait a minute. I told some people, they know who they are, about something involving one of my nicknames. With the thing, and another thing. Oops. Possibly just spilled some beans.

I am biting my nails again. I had been doing so well, and now they just look like shit. Dammit.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I feel up to going to the after party. LOL. Last night, I was telling myself I wanted to get pissed. But really, I don't. I can imagine the things people would say, if randomly I started drinking. 'He just wants to fit in, because he ha no friends' or something along those lines. People are bitches. LOL.

Nah, I was angry and upset last night. This is after my blogging. Unless it sounds like I was angry/upset in my posts. But I can't remember. I am still trying to be ignorant. But that has failed. My hand is starting to hurt a little. I don't know why.

Ah well.

I would like the option to fly.

xx

Cate, Cate, Can You Help Me!

I have no future yet.

A majority of my close friends at least have some form of idea what they will be doing next year. The army gap year. There own gap year, then on to tafe. Some are already at tafe. Some it will be Uni or tafe. Me, on the other hand, am looking over a prospective dream.

Dammit. My dream prospect is VERY expensive. Holy cow!!!

xx

Riddle Me This

'Home Is Where You Are'

LOL.

I'm going to block everything out for a little bit. Just become completely ignorant to the world, and its voice. LOL, the world doesn't have a voice, not a single unified one. It has many dispersed opinionated voices, but not one single voice of reason. Either way, I probably need to just stop with the thinking.

Yep. Here I am.

A default version of myself.

xx

It Began With A Hippo, As All Stories Should

I've got practically nothing to do, atm. I just need to write out a good copy of my english oral, and I will be all set. So I am rather bored.

I am thinking about going home, but don't really want to. I want to talk to Holly. Something is kind of off at the moment between us, and I really feel something needs to be done. I possibly need to talk to Alpha as well. I duno.

I have decided to finish my write up, of 'The Adventures of Lam'. Which is my happy story. Its random and fun. My take on a modern day Alice in Wonderland. I guess.

I may put my short story thing, 'Annabeth'. Which is a short story, that is kind of in relation to 'I Am Clara'. I say kind of, because neither story adds anything to the other. Its like a spin off. But its very different. I may put it up here for you to read, depends how I feel about it later.

I probably should work on my oral thing. LOL.

Nah, I am not in the mood atm. I really can't do it. Honestly I don't care if the copt I gave looked like a peice of crap. I am comfortable with that, the oral itself was a peice of crap anyway.

Listening to Taylor Swift again. My latest musical fascination.

I am concerned for you.

xx

Naomi??

I love Skins, but hate season 3.

Anyways.

Facebook is entertaining me atm.

I'm trying to be as honest a possible. :P. Its failing. I have now become concerned because all my family have facebook as well, so anything said on there, could get back to the rents.

I say this, while clicking 'continue to results' on a 'Are You A Player?' quiz. LOL.

Just about to go for some roast dinner, Lovely stuff.

Oh NO, the gravy has all black ness on it. My dinner might not be how I like it. I love gravy. :'(. Hhmm, I have been using that smiley sequence a bit more than I usually do, tonight.

Nah, the gravy was lovely.

xx

... But I Have The Key.

So, hey. I have been blogging a lot lately. I gather most people are skimming, which is cool. I didn't really have the expectation that people would be sitting here reading them all.

Today, I have felt kind of out of it. Like I am just on the side or something. Ah well. As I always must do, I shall ignore it, and move on. Hopefully I will feel Ok later.

My hair annoyed me this morning. I had a shower, and got out, my hair was wet, and I dried it, and did what I always do, and them my hair was all weird and just shit, and it annoyed me, and I got angry. I always get angry. Why do I get angry? Ah well, again. My anger is pointless.

I am tired I think, maybe.

Little orange sticky notes. Theatre styles?

I am in the mac labs at school again. Not on the dodgy computer, so its all OK.

I need to sleep or something. Get away, or something. Nah, I need to just get my act together, or something. Just stop caring.

This keyboard is dirty. I can imagine that there is years worth of bacteria on here. Great!

Ok.

xx

That Door Is Locked ...

I just made myself a new blog. Its called 'The Mock Turtles Tail' and the url is 'www.10over6.blogspot.com'. There is nothing on it atm, but you wait.

So yeh. I'm in a 'change it' or 'start something new' kind of mood.

I should really try and do a little bit more productive with my days.

I need to organise things to do. I need to stop being a whore.

I need to lose weight.

xx

The End Of A Feast

Been making some minor adjustments to my blog. I was getting tired of Passion Foods. There was no passion left.

No, in fact, there is passion, but no food. Nothing to feast on, just biting on air.

So, now it has changed to Shelf Life.

Observations from my seat on the wall.

Oh, I like that. I may put that as my description. Maybe.

I'm still as orange as ever though.

xx

Post 201

I missed the 200th. So am celebrating the milestone now. LOL.

Not really a milestone, more just a heck of a lot of shit.

I'm such a douche sometimes. I'm sorry for that.

Nostalgia.

xx

Oh Lep!

It was Mr. A who I was texting.

The conversation was not for the faint.

LOL.

I would of just said that, but I never feel comfortable talking. So I apologise for my vague-ness and my obvious efforts to blow over the situation. It's my basic instinct to deflect.

If I'm honest, I trust you.

xx

Anyone's Assumptions Would Just Be ... True

LOL.

Is there anything really going on with me atm? I don't think so. Maybe. I will think about it.

Today I was nearly sick. My mum told me that yesterday (friday 15th may) at 8 in the morning, some 15 year old girl was knocked down by a car and killed, while walking her dog. Right before school, on the corner of Sir Donald Bradman and Marion roads. They say that the person that hit her down, probably wouldn't have even realised they had, because they were in such a big car.

It made me feel sick when I heard it. Imagine that, your at school, and you find out your friend was in a hit and run, and is dead. Imagine being the person that did it, that didn't even realise. What about when they find out?

Yep. It shook me a little bit. I don't really know why. It kind of just made me think a little.

Myspace is pretty shite these days. I've accepted its shittyness. Nothing is ever going on on there anyways, so whats to be concerned about. I go on there to check if anyone is saying anything to me, or to change my status. I've been making it, Shelf Life 'and ...........' The dot's representing what I would say after it. Atm its Shelf Life and The Swift. Meaning Taylor Swift. Because I am listening to her.

I want to go shopping. I want to have someone over for a sleep over. One person. I want to dye my hair. Why do I want?

Welcome to Sin City.

xx

Closet Doors Are Made Of All Kinds Of Wood

Dammit. I can't lie.

I shouldn't do. Dammit.

I downloaded Taylor Swifts first album. It's lovely.

I think there's only one person I really want to talk to.

Happy Birthday.

xx

The Ever Constant Changes To Your Dress

I'm writing myself stories. It's relaxing.

My family are being very up tight tonight.

I want to get out of here.

I am starting to get pissed off with everything in here.

xx

Tweedle Deedle

I guess you shouldn't be honest, if you can't handle the truth.

I've been reading between a selection of posts. Each in relation to others, and so forth. It's interesting.

There's no point asking the question, if you aren't willing to listen to the answer.

Maybe.

The Hippo sang a song of nothing.

xx

After I Saw The Light

I saw myself in the mirror in the mac labs today, and decided that I dislike my face up close. LOL.

I also conjured up the idea that I don't quite look as fat as I had previously believed, but mmm.

I am quite the woman.

Oh this song is brilliant. I loves it a lot.

I'm pretty sure its about a car crash. So amazingly done. The song, not the crash.

Time to go make taco's and do some more thinking.

xx

Sad Eyes

I've been listening to Bat for Lashes recently. I downloaded 2 albums, but only one works, but that's OK. It just means that I will listen to one at a time.

The songs are nice, the kind that I like. They are sweet and having something to them. But yeh.

I like to blog while listening to music, because it generates a certain mood in me. Plus, certain music makes me want to write certain things. It's all just a cycle that steadily releases what I have always wanted to say.

Atm, I am feeling quite relaxed and refreshed, because I don't have SO much school work anymore. It's all good now. Less stress.

Oh, this song begins oddly. I've heard it before, but i can't remember the way it sounds. Mmmm, odder still.

Apparently Natasha Khan wants to be like Sarah.

xx

Scouts Honour

So..

I had stuff I wanted to say. Because I have been trying to think of topics all the time, so that I can meet my quota. LOL. But I have forgotten most of them.

Right now, I am about to go get ready to make some Mexican food. YAY TACO's. I do love me some Taco's. I do like cooking too.

I shall try to remember some more tonight.

My posts will be of the plenty, but won't be pointless. This is all in aid of forcing myself to talk about what's going on in my head. Just because I feel I need to. So if I force myself to come up with worth while topics, eventually I will start opening up more, and Wallah! LOL, i originally spelt that vwalah. LOL.

So be prepared!

xx

Small Satisfactions

I was given free subway cookies on tuesday night. It was the highlight of my past few weeks.

It made my day.

xx

The Super Spears

I am lonely.

iF U SeeK aMY.

If only.

Yep, the extent of this blog is that. It's all I really need to say. Realistically.

It probably needs to be more in depth, so that people don't get the wrong idea. But I can't be bothered right now.

I have a lot of topics tonight.

xx

Spock

Apparently, the world can't get enough of finding stuff to throw on me. It decides to give me a weekend of naked brothers and ruined risk games.

Within the space of a night, I had one angry year 9. Within the space of 10 minutes I had another, and within the space of a phone call, another was 'disappointed' in me.

Year 9s. Gah, I thought gone were the days when I needed to be involved in crap. I've put myself back in it. Shit it. Piss it. Fuck it.

I AM GOING TO BREAK THIS COMPUTER IS HALF. sorry, my computer decided it was the write time to bring up a new window.

My mood is being constant tonight, and I have, atm, done nothing to help my causes.

Live long and prosper.

xx

A Red As Anger Can Be

I am angry.

Generally, I try my best to not be an angry person, but every more often than most, I have a spurt of anger.

When I mean more often, I mean like once a week is good for me. As I have previously stated, my home is a catastrophy, and the basic release point of my anger. So most of you have no real idea of the pinnacle of my stresses.

Right now, I am rightly pissed at the fact that half of my script is missing. It is lost in the ether, and will never be seen again. Write, so now, instead of just putting it on the end of a editted copy of my first half, I now have to completely re write it.

I hate not having a stick.

Tomorro, be warned. I will eat the faces of anyone who gets in my way.

xx

Simply Dysfunctional

My family don't talk to each other. Well really, my brother don't talk to me. He has his things, and I appreciate that he likes to keep them to himself. But I am intitled to worry.

We may not be full of quirks and misfortunes, we may not be constantly at ends with each other (atm) and we may not have tragic stories that would make death row men cry. But when push comes to shove, we are simply ... dysfunctional.

My home is the centre of all the shit in my life right now. I can pin point every shitty moment, and put it into my house.

I need vodka.

xx

Saga 1 : Downloaded Syptoms of the Consumption of Lies

Oh, and the rumour is that apparently I have been telling people that Alpha and I are going out.

Causing a bunch of people to say they are going to bash Alpha.

Odd.

Alpha was told this by his brother, who is also apparently going to be bashed.

Odd.

Yep, that's it at its finest.

xx

To The One On The Phone

High five Nail Biting Buddy.

LOL, just caught my brother and his girl friend playing 'scrabble'. My brother was naked, so I don't know what kind of scrabble they were playing.

Ah, that has lightened up my sombre mood.

LOL, myspace 'might' be having issues. Ah, the conversation in my head is making me laugh. Another sign I am losing it.

Ooo, recently been listening to Bat For Lashes. I like it, except for the copy of the second album I downloaded kinda makes popping sounds, and cuts out after 30 seconds. But the first album is sweet.

Otherwise, I am still pissed.

Realized how sad this hater must think I am. Oh btw people, The person who has stopped talking to me because they think I started a rumour, is Alpha.

Yep.

xx

Kimba's Tambourine

'It's not the nightmares that stop me from sleeping. I just know that you are awake as well.'

My brother liked my latest facebook status update. He thought it was poetic.

I thought I would share it with you, just because I thought it was nice as well.

The future is the mystery of life. The great inconclusive puzzle. Time is simply the passage into the maze, but not the way to the middle.

Kimba is one of the names I want to name one o my kids. I want children. Always have, always will. Kimba will be my first girl. Obie will be my first boy. Then I have Wilbur and maybe Thebes. Anyone in my classics class will know what Thebes is. But yeh, I have always wanted children, my own children. I want my own flesh and blood, and I want to try and grow some good, nice people. I want to succeed in generating lovely human beings.

Obie is a nice name, I think. It can work with any type of person. Obie Jack, Kimba Ace, Wilbur Aitken and Thebes Athene. LOL, the last one is very much ancient Greek. But I love them people. My kids will have odd names, but ones you can learn to accept. I think. Well Kimba and Wilbur are real names. Thebes is the name of a place. Obie is the name of the dog from garfield. Its all cool.

My dilemma with the future, is the possibility of these human beings never coming into existence. If you firstly consider my orientation for a start. But I have never pictured my future with a partner, but just simply with the kids. Surrogates and randoms ovaries. That'll do me. Raise some children on my own. Single dad. Sure, children are probably meant to have some form of maternal thing, but I'm not the kind of person to go traditional. Am i.

I want babies, and I then was kids and then I want teens, and I want them to turn into proper adults and have a proper life and make a difference. Holly thinks I would be a good dad. I want to be a Dad.

It's ok though. That future is rather far away. I am lonely atm. Very lonely.

Obie Jack Lane.

xx

:D

To match my self proclaimed quota I must post 3 posts each day for the next 7 days.

I am running out of topics, that don't delve to deep into my psyche.

I LOVE YOU ALL.

xx

Noddy

I'm sitting here, my mother and two of her friends sitting around the kitchen table chatting, my sister in her bedroom with her friend, and me contemplating everything.

Its not a very entertaining concept when you think of it.

I rarely, truly open up to people. I certain things that I think need to be said, or i say stuff on here, but I never truly try to pen up to any specific person. I think that's whats pissing me off the most. I'm not trusted enough, but I have trusted them.

Goodness Gracious Me.

Even though I feel this whole situation isn't one that deserves anyone responding with capital letters. It is bothering me, quite a bit.

'There's no preventative, directive or safe approach for living. We each know our own fate We know from our youth how to be treated, how we'll be received, how we shall end These things don't change You can change your clothes, change your hairstyle, your friends, cities, continents But sooner or later your own self will always catch up.'

That is my favourite song lyric/quote thing.

I put on a firefox persona thing, and its a cherry blossom tree.

I am trying to get 62 post in May. Double the amount of days. Averaging ofcourse to 2 a day. But yeah.

OMFGILYSFM

xx

I Will Not Antagonize The Situation

At this present moment in time, I am being hated for supposedly starting a rumor that apparently is going to cause someone to be bashed.

There is nothing I have said anywhere, that could be taken out of context to become a rumor, and have some connection to this person.

I say that, because I have probably said things and they have had consequences for other people, I duno. But simply, this person is no longer talking to me, because they think I am going to cause them to be bashed.

I would be OK with this, realistically, if I knew I had done something wrong. But I know I haven't done anything. So it is annoying me, how this person hasn't even considered asking me my side of things.

At least offer me an opportunity to explain. Rather than completely shutting me out. That's all I want.

It's causing its own problems among people I don't think deserve to have the problems lain on. If that makes sense.

It's unfair really. Especially considering how well we were getting on the night before. Within the space of half a day, things went from absolutely brilliant, to a plane crash.

It's this kind of stuff that makes me such an angry person sometimes. I;ve done nothing wrong, but am being punished for it.

I hate bitchy Year 12's that hate me. Jumping to conclusions and then forming stories from it. It's them that have done this, I can just see how it all happened.

I am being more pissy and sarcastic and annoying.

All will be fine, when I get my chance to speak

xx

Be Safe

One of those fucking awful black days
When nothing is pleasing and everything that happens
is an excuse for anger
An outlet for emotions stockpiled, an arsenal, an armour
These are the days when I hate the world
Hate the rich, hate the happy, hate the complacent, the TV watchers,
beer drinkers, the satisfied ones
Because I know I can be all of those little hateful things
And then I hate myself for realising that
There's no preventative, directive or safe approach for living.
We each know our own fate
We know from our youth how to be treated,
how we'll be received, how we shall end
These things don't change
You can change your clothes,
change your hairstyle, your friends, cities, continents
But sooner or later your own self will always catch up.
Always it waits in the wings
Ideas swirl but don't stick.
They appear but then run off like rain on the windshield
One of those rainy day car rides my head implodes,
the atmosphere in this car a mirror of my skull
Wet, damp, windows dripping and misted with cold
Walls of grey
Nothing good on the radio
Not a thought in my head

Lets take life and slow it down incredibly slow
Frame by frame
With two minutes that take ten years to live *out*
Yeah, lets do that.

Telephone poles like praying mantis against the sky
Metal arms outstretched
So much land travelled so little sense made of it
It doesn't mean a thing all this land laid out behind us
I'd like to take off into these woods and get good and lost for a while
I'm disgusted with petty concerns; parking tickets, breakfast specials
Does someone just have to carry this weight?
Abstract typography, methane covenant, linear gospel,
Nashville sales lady,*stygian emissary* ,torturous lice, mad Elizabeth
Chemotherapy bullshit

The light within you shines like a diamond mine
Like an unarmed walrus
Like a dead man face down on the highway
Like a snake eating its own tail, steam turbine, frog pond,
two full closets burst open in disarray
Soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible,
shopping list, blowjob, deaths head, devils dancing,
bleached white buildings, memories, movements
The movie unpeeling, unreeling, about to begin

I've seen your hallway, you're a darn call away
I've hear your stairs creak
I can fix my mind on your yes, and on your no
I'll film your face today in the sparkling canals
All red, yellow, blue, green brilliance and silver Dutch reflection
Racing thoughts, racing thoughts
All too real, you're moving so fast now I cant hold your image
This image I have of your face by the window,
me standing beside you arm on your shoulder
A catalogue of images, flashing glimpses then gone again
*I’m tethered to this post you’ve sunk in me and* Every clear afternoon now I'll think of you up in the air twisting your heel,
Your knees up around me, my face in your hair
You scream so well, your smile so loud it still rings in my ears

Inhibition
Distant, tired of longing
Clean *my* teeth
Stay the course.
Hold the wheel
Steer on to freedom
Open all the boxes
Open all the boxes
Open all the boxes
Open all the boxes

Times Square midday
Newspaper buildings, news headlines going around
You watch as they go, *and hope for some good ones*
Those tree shadows in the park they're all whispering chasing leaves
Around six pm, shadows across the cobblestones
Girl in front of bathroom mirror as
she slowly and carefully and paints her face green *mask like Matisse ‘Portrait with Green Stripe’*
Long shot through apartment window, a monologue on top but no girl in shot
The light within me shines like a diamond mine
like an unarmed walrus
like a dead man face down on the highway
Like a snake eating its own tail
A steam turbine, frog farm, two full closets burst open in disarray,
soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list,
blowjob, deaths head, devils dancing,
bleached white buildings, *memory*, movements
The movie unreeling, about to begin

That was great
Yeah? Mine were alright. Weren't my best one but who cares?
That's the spirit...

No More

HAHA, classic. Absolutely perfect. Thank you dear.

A mood elevator that would make you want to kill yourself, family and any orphaned child you could find.

I hope your self absorbed opinions get you into the grave you always wanted.

Your the type of person who would shoot a tranquilized lion.

The person, who if someone said their arm hurt, you'd stab them in the other to even it out.

You have no idea of life and neither do I.

I'm done.

xx

Schizophrenia

You can watch me corrode.

Maybe I am self centred and stuck up.

Pfft, No.

I'm just here, and I am just saying what I need to.

Alpha was right, I shouldn't be on the computer so much. Its pointless and just boring. Good kid.

So the story goes, and continues some more, and ends quite quickly.

Hay, fat man, shut up. Right, that's the thoughts. No?

Ok, I shall stop this.

I just hope you listen to my song.

xx

Don't Disappear

Little girl, with her mouth so dry. Don't wither away. Don't un knowingly die.

I recently have been thinking a lot about all those numbers of people out there in the world, that have eating disorders.

The play I'm writing for drama has an anorexic girl in it. I hope to do the issue justice. Properly give a genuine display. Well, through the way I write it.

But it just occasionally comes back into my head, and makes me rather sombre. Morbid. My thoughts on the whole thing has become more elevated lately.

Anyways. If there is anyone paying attention to my blog, they would realise that I just keep posting. This is because I a) want to complete some form of undefined quota and b) because I have a lot I need to say, and am saying it now.

Simply.

xx

Life Is What Happens When Your Busy Making Plans

I think I might just actually go crazy now. a) I'm bored, b) I feel unnaturally down, as I have done all week, and c) I just don't want to be fat anymore.

The title is a 'Sex and the City' quote, if anyone wished to know. No, of course no one wanted to know, because no one is reading this. So why do I care that I am rambling.

Dear Diary.

That's what this is like, this is my diary. The only one reading this, is the diary itself. So the god of blog is reading what I am saying. That fits with what I know of organised religion.

Well, my credit went from $28 to $5. Dam them all. That was one phone call.

I feel like partying. If I knew anyone that partied, and would take me with them. Then I would be partying.

That could be a way to develop some more of my whoreness and lower even more of my self esteem. Sounds good huh.

If anyone is reading this and thinking IDC. Go f**k a lemon.

If your reading this thinking, Oh god, whats going on. Ask me. But don't be prepared for a straight answer.

I love you less now than when you attacked me and left me to drown.

xx

Matilda

So, another prospect. I shall name this one, Mr A.

Mr A and I have been sharing conversations now for hhmm, about 3 weeks I'd say. We have pretty similar ideas on people, and what we want. Apparently, Mr A has some rather bitchy rich friends, that I should need to watch out for if anything were to happen.

Now, our conversations have gone further than the net, and have gone further than just casual chit-chat. If I didn't constantly feel ugly and fat, then I would feel that I could just simply jump this guy and get it over with. Mr A does continuously barrage me with 'Your cute'. Mr A also enjoys my accent. Score one for the English guy.

But the thing Mr A just said to me. 'I wish you were pure'. Oh no he didn't. Yes, yes he did. Now, you may or may not have ever realised this, but I occasionally feel like a whore. A dirty, legs open, loose fitting, sausage down hallway, whore. EEWW. Wait, not quite to that extent, good god no. But a knee bending whore, non the less.

Mr A, simply would prefer if his first time was with also a first timer. Causing me to go from, cute English boy, to dirty soiled man whore, in the space of a second. Damn this. Damn it all.

I need a booster, not a downer. Continue talking about how fun it is touching yourself and forget about telling me how much of a slut I have been.

Well, for those who have just read that, and have changed there opinion on me, or any of my affiliates. Please be prepared to tell me the truth when ever we may cross paths.

Anyways. Bridge is a tosser. Oh, there are 2 other names I need. Hhhmm, how about, Deborah Harry and Little Alpha. Deb H and Alpha for short. If you search Deborah Harry, you will probably get links to the band 'Blondie'. Alpha is a Greek letter. That's the reasons for those nicknames.

Deb H once courted with Bridge. But they aren't together anymore. But Deb H, is also a bit of a tosser. In fact, Deb H hasn't spoke to me in a while. Bitch.

As for Alpha, well, almost perfection. Practically all the same interested and feelings towards anything. But, I duno. I say this, because that's how I see it, but really there is more to it.

Hhmm, so my list of names, are: Mr A, Bridge, Deb H and Alpha. LOL. I am a weirdo.

This is all for future reference. I like a sense of un knowing.

For the 2 people that read this, I hope you futurly enjoy my explanations of these nicknames, and the people that fronted them. You'll see.

I only love those who love back.

xx