Wednesday, June 17, 2009

To You, Of Hope And Life

I wish we were closer, me and you. You and I.

We have a surprisingly large amount of history together. With its fair amount of ups and downs. But I still think that in the end, I like spending time with you.

Yet, I wish we were that little bit closer. Just that enough that makes me important to you, and you to me. Hhhmm.

Maybe, one day, it may happen. In some cases I could see us making more of something. I duno. It shall all depend.

Let it be known, that I think of you highly as a friend.


A Flirtatious Invitation To Say So Too

I find it difficult to comprehend this, but I do think I love him.

LOL. Love is too strong a word for any such thing as this.

No love involved in this, simply a statement of affection.

You were lost in a war of one emotion verse the rest. No one understood the reasons, least of all that one of surety in word. It was a timid illusion that first brought me to you. Yet a believe that more was being said. You come closer than most, but I am in no way sure of if you know. The sugar is lost in this and the ideas shall stay so too. Even if nothing else makes sense, I understand that look.

Stop what you are thinking, and try again once the bell has gone.


Persephone and The Pomegranate Seeds

It feels like it has been a while since I have blogged. Realistically it was Saturday and today is Wednesday, so the time isn't that far apart. But then again, in that time there was the Twitpocolypse and a number of other internet events, so hhmmm.

Whats been going on? I haven't had a good nights sleep in the past 10 days atleast. Each night I have lain awake thinking about nothing. (Lain? Is that a word)

Classics has been entertaining lately. I have been re discovering the Greek Myths I had been taught years and years ago. Pandora's Box being my favouritist of all Myths. It makes me chuckle a little when I read the different versions of Pandora's Box on the internet, and they all end with the exact same word, 'Hope'. Every single one of them just ends with that word.

Well, like its more than just that word, but every last sentence has that word at the end.

Also, Prometheus, the immortal that gave man fire. The man who was punished by being chained to a mountain, while a giant eagle ate his liver. Only for it to regrow again through the night, to then be eaten the next day. Ah, the greek gods were brilliant at creating punishments.

I never get touched.

LOL, not in a sexual weird kind of way, but just in general. Even like shoulder touching or like hugs or anything. No form of physical contact. With guys that is. Never anything, nothing. I got touched on the back the other day, which was kind of odd. But it made me consider the last time I had been, just touched.

Sometimes I would just like a few hugs. Just to remind me that I'm still cared for and such. But like, ah, I don't know. I can't explain it now. Such a distant relationship I seem to have with my friends. Why? What is this?

I know of times when I have not been invited to things, and then I consider why, and even then I can't understand it. Here I am, everyday. I try. I don't understand people sometimes. I truly lose my mind. It hurts now and again, otherwise I am just senseless. I have to be.

I now sound whiney and all crazy. I just feel much more lonely now a days, because I just realise all the time how little people acknowledge me as a person. Ok, I shall stop now, because I don't know what I am saying anymore. I have gone over what I mean.

I often feel left out, or like I am not quite in enough. Which I don't understand.

I want people to just be honest with me.


Saturday, June 13, 2009

Lights Out. The Road Is Darker When The Sun Isn't Quite Up.

I don't know what I think.

I've had the 'Create Post' screen open for the past 5 hours, and had only wrote that ^. It's 11 26 pm. Too late for coherent thought.

Time has passed and now its 12:11

I have been reading on the internet, stories of people coming out to there parents. I am feeling the desire to do it soon.


Again, a sharp bite of lonliness this weekend. Ah well.

That rain drop that landed on my cheek, that felt like a tear, was too comforting.


Thursday, June 11, 2009


My little pun for the hole influenza epidemic.

I was happy enough to enjoy a lovely cup of tea after school today. Even though it had a very high number of sugar scoops, I still felt good having it. It was warming and delicious. I love it sweet.

I am considering how ironic it is, that atm Australia is cold. If I think of how ridiculous that would have sounded back in England, then yes it is quite ironic for me to be sitting around in my new Seniors 2009 jacket.

I haven't got much more to add to this post. I am simply coming up with stuff from nothing, and am hoping that people will still respect that I am still trying to say something.

Hopefully I should do well on my Classical Studies essay, since I have been working hard on it. I've written some very nice sentences, that I am quite proud of.

Might get another brew before I make Taco's for dinner.


Wednesday, June 10, 2009


I have so much to say.

If you want to know, you should ask.

If you really care, you should keep asking.

I am unsure of who I trust. My trusting varies between the selected. Yet they often do things that make me wonder why they were even considered. Like I have so many choices, but still.

Love is too far a way, I would have to run to get there in time, and even then The wall would stop me.

'Is it patronising to give a starving man your left overs'

That was a topic of conversation I had the other night with my dad, when he told me to give my food to the homeless. I said, well its patronising for us to give them our scraps and unwanted food, when we have fresh un used food in the pantry. Which I think is true. We are only giving it to them because we don't want it, when realistically we could give them better stuff. Just because they would accept it, doesn't mean we should limit them to only getting that. My dad says he sees them eating out a bin, so they would truly love our left over quiches. I just thinks its quite morally un just for my dad to believe that giving a man our left overs is 'right', when really its just us trying to justify for our pleasures and luxuries.

There is nothing I can do now to help those 'less fortunate' that won't completely contradict what I just said. The justifying of us having luxuries and such, by giving to those with less than us.


Been talking to newer and newer people. Loosing track. No hope for any love.

I was in the city on Sunday. A prospect had arose, but it stood me up. That was fun, standing outside Haighs chocolate shop for 40 minutes, waiting to see if he would turn up. Which, evidently, he didn't. I saw some interesting people. At one point I looked across at the Darrel Leas Chocolate shop and saw another guy waiting around for someone, I considered going across and asking if he himself had been stood up, and I conjured a whole fantasy of what would happen and such. Then he got a phone call, smiled to himself and walked away determinately. Shame that.

My desires for certain things are chopping and changing. I'm not sure what I want, really. I want that, and that, and sometimes that. I want you, right there. Oh, yes I really want you. No, I want you to want me. LOL.

Theoclymenus the King of Egypt


Thursday, June 4, 2009

India Made Me This Wine. You Are The Wind.

My head is in pain. It was, and still kind of resembles the consistency of pudding. YAY! I recommend to all of you to never get a Migraine. Not my kind of Migraines. That are almost replicas of a stroke. Woot.

Dark Chocolate did this too me.

I spent most of yesterday in my bed, in the darkness. Thinking about nothing. Sleeping and dreaming. Hoping it would end.

Your pale skin makes your features stand out.

I am alone in the mac labs on Thursday morning. Everything is exciting. I don't know what I want anymore. A silent desire.


That was this morning, it did not post when I was at school, so now it is 7 43pm on the same Thursday, LOL. I am in my jumper and pajama bottoms. Tis a very comfortable sensation. I also have no socks on. LOL. I am an old man.

It's alright to be insane when the doves are still roosting on your head.


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Oscar Wilde, Elton John and Rupert Everett

I did not, in the end, complete my quota. I did though, have what felt like at the time, a very shitty birthday. Looking back, it was still shit, but I have gone past it now. I have vented as much as I can, and now don't have any desire to blog about it.

I am now, going to take a bit more of a break from the blogging. No more over the top posting, obnoxiously crapping on about nothing. Just a bit more of a rarer occasion. Nah, not quite that less. But atleast putting a bit of divide between each post and such.

Dammit, I need someone to text. A person that will be interesting to talk to, and who will get people wondering. Will get me wondering. Offering some hope again. But instead I get people popping in and out. Straight people are like a gay mans Mount Everest. LOL.

Don't patronize me with idle chit chat, be honest with me. Tell me what you think is going on. Don't sit there with your theories about me, and never take into action the possibilities of truth. Honest is the best policy. Honesty is my policy. I shall be honest, as long as you are.

My head is going crazy. Some of the things that are going on. Jumbalia!

Do you know what I loved about skins right. Was the way they put a spin on love and homosexuality. It was not a gay man wanting a straight man, but rather a straight girl after a gay man. It offered the same kind of emotions and impossibilities, but it was a completely different story. Of course the girl was a psycho stalker, but still the emotions behind it were very honest and genuine and such.

Rarely do I like to blog about my inner queer thoughts. It's just not the way I like things to go. But lately they have been the subject of many quarrels in my mind. I hate how empty my pool of possibilities is. It's depressing, and lonely. Ah well.

I shall do as Mitch said and keep my head up.