Tuesday, December 30, 2008

A Man, A Plan, A Canal Panama

Its a palindrome.

Socrates once wrote 'In every one of us there are two ruling and directing principles, whose guidance we follow wherever they may lead; the one being an innate desire of pleasure; the other, an acquired judgment which aspires after excellence.'

Leonardo da Vinci once wrote 'Human subtlety...will never devise an invention more beautiful, more simple or more direct than does nature, because in her inventions nothing is lacking, and nothing is superfluous.'

Churchill once said 'What is the use of living, if it be not to strive for noble causes and to make this muddled world a better place for those who will live in it after we are gone?'

mm, I got bored.

Love Love xx

Monday, December 29, 2008

I Got Me A Cadillac, Cadillac Car

Had me self a grand day. Went shopping and all that, got some nice clothes and got me Dreamgirls Soundtrack album and so I am happy.

I love my dear friends.

Disappointing sunset, but quite amazing winds.

LOL. The sea or the rocks, strange.

Shame the Nate boy had to leave.

I'm just happy, have been since Christmas.

That's all because of the people I have been with.


Love Love xx

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Tracy Chapman Eat Your Heart Out

Well, Christmas is gone. But I am still on the best buzz ever, had the best 3 days. Christmas was just brilliant. Boxing day was packed with the most fun ever, and today is just the most brilliant of chill down days.

I shall elaborate later, I'm too distracted listening to all the songs i have downloaded and put on my new i-pod.

Oh, and Pink's new album is just awesome. As well as Snow Patrol's. Vantage Point is just a brilliantly made movie, I recommend it.

Love Love xx

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Sun Is Setting On The Day Before Christmas.

So the sun is setting. The shadows are getting longer. This day has gone by fast than i had expected. I am looking forward to tomorrow, it should be good. I sure hope everyone has a better Christmas than they expect. I wish you all a magnificent day tomorrow.

It won't be long now and all those little kids, that still believe in the old fat man and his antlered deers, will be scrummaging through a pile of neatly piled presents. The crumbs of left over cookies and an empty glass from the milk (or occasionally beer) they left for Santa and maybe even a carrot nub coarsely gnawed at. The parents looking pleasantly as the children find there desires nestled under their three.

There shall be those families, that might actually be divulging into some before hand present openings. Already there are parents watching over their child's face, as they light up with joy. But they shall still have their Christmas day, and all the more present shall be opened when they wake. As for now, they're just getting their taster of whats to come.

But sadly, even though there will be all this joy everywhere, there shall still be those homes and families, that don't quite have the celebratory Christmas. An argument may erupt, challenges may be met or just the basic chaos of having people in such close quarters. There are people, right now, questioning whether it is worth getting excited for this day, because they know, as far as history can state, that their Christmas will not run smoothly.

So I hope you all have a good Christmas, whether you believe you will or not. You all deserve at least one day this year, to just be unquestionably happy. I hope you all have enough hope to believe you shall.

Love Love xx

The Cutlery Draw

That's cool, that's cool.
I love it when people rant at me. When they have something to say, and they are honest. Of course what there saying likes incite and actual knowledge on me, but sure, they bring up some interesting points.

Hmm, I just found the most interesting Truthbox comment ever.

'I think i hate you. Your not as great as you think you are. You seem to fail at everything. Your not smart. You not academically smart, because you fail lots of your lessons. You cant be socially smart because you have no friends, and the ones that you do have you insult and say bad things too.You cant be smart through your logic, because your decisions are going to ruin your life, for example missing all of your lessons. Your only ability you can advertise is the fact that because you never have anyone to spend time with, you spend hours thinking of rediculas sentences in an attempt to make you appear smart. The truth is that i dont think anyone looks up too you. I think you should put down the dictionary'.

I find it certainly a bit harsh, and unnecessary. I could easily sit here and cut down on ever thing that is said about me, right here. But honestly, I'm just going to let this person believe they know me enough to judge me. I hold no grudges against people and there opinions. I'd just prefer people to be able to back it up.

Well, just thought I'd let you lot have a looksies.

Love Love xx

Welcome To The Distillery




Its 11 54, that means just over half a day til Christmas, wooo!

So yep. All I had to say.

Merry Christmas!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Sky Looked Purple Today

Been bored again today, but its been fine. Watched more TV. LOL. I am a sad case of a man, but oh well. Tomorrow, irrelevant to if i have anyone to go with me, i shall go out of my house and do something. Anything. LOL.

I have figured out that if I don't do something then I will be stuck in my house until Friday, meaning I would have tallied 9 days cooped up in my house. But things are looking up, and i may make it out of the house for Christmas Eve, at least.

Hmm. Well I had things I had thought about talking about, throughout the day, but they are gone. I guess I shall just have to revisit them another time.

Love Love xx

Monday, December 22, 2008


I am bored. LOL. Can't go out. Someone entertain me, LOL.

La La La

Love Love xx

Sunday, December 21, 2008

A Thing

'one day, i hope i shall'

That is the misunderstood section, of my most commonly quoted part of my 'Tear Stained Tuesdays' post.
That little phrase, is me telling people, that i don't believe i am intellectually superior to the world. I believe that i have a different kind of intelligence, and that in certain fields i would be better than most at, but i also conclude that so would most other people.
But what i am saying in in this quote, is that i hope i may meet the person, that is intelligent in just the same way as me, and knows what i mean when i talk, without me having to explain, and that they shall out shine me in what i know. i want to meet the person who knows what i know, understands what i have to say, but also knows just enough more, to make me gasp and be amazed. No one has yet read one of my posts, and decided to ask me a question about it, or tried to learn a little bit more about what i mean. I want to meet the person, that without asking or inviting, asks about me, and wishes to know, so that in the end, i can return the favor to the grandest of my ability.
I don't quite think that gave my meaning justice, but eh. I tried. That's all i can do.

I love all those who try.

I have been emotionally filled tonight. Now i am relaxed in my capacity. :)

Love Love xx


'I Am The New Sample Of Breed, Trying To Individualize Ones Self.

Be Myself, Yet Being Like Them.

Do What I Want, But Still Following A Trend.

Contusions Of Chaotic Contradictions And Anomalies

This is a direct quote from my 'I Am A Wall Flower' post.
I thought i would try to explain what i means, because its important to me.

By saying, 'I Am The New Sample Of Breed, Trying To Individualize Ones Self'. What i am saying, is that i am just another person, just like so many others, who is trying to be individual. 'Be Myself, Yet Being Like Them' . Is my understanding, that in trying to be individual, i am doing what so many others try to do, and that what i may do to be myself, and be individual, may just be the same kind of stuff that other people are doing. 'Do What I Want, But Still Following A Trend.' Is this same idea, that by trying to be what i wish, individual, i shall still just end up falling into the same stuff as other people. 'Contusions Of Chaotic Contradictions And Anomalies.' Is just my simple way of summing up how odd the whole thought was.

I'm just trying explain things people don't understand. So that people can't say i don't them enough. Lol.

Love Love xx

I'm Not A Sagittarius

I've been feeling a bit lonely lately. I have been stuck in my house since Wednesday, it being now Sunday, I am feeling a bit Claustrophobic. No one has asked me to do anything. No one has called. No one has stopped and thought about me enough to do anything. But its O.K., I have decided to not care anymore. I shall just have to live out some more of my holidays by myself, that's fine enough.

Its soon Christmas. I love Christmas, because that means, for one day, my whole family, all as one, gets to enjoy having a load of new things together. I thought about it. Realistically I could just wait, save up my money and buy myself these presents, but that's not the point and neither is it that my parents are getting me them, because they love me. No, the point is, is that for one day, as a family we all get to have some gifts. Its not one persons day, its everyone's. Its not one person coming home after a day at Marion, and showing everyone the amazing gift they had bought themselves. Its not about a persons birthday, or getting a treat because they have done well at school. It is simply a day, where no one is specifically anymore special than anyone else, but yet you can spend the day feeling ultimately pleased with the amount of joy and laughter that surrounds you.

I hate this house so much. I hate the fact that when i spend too much time in it, i end up spending the largest majority of that time, in the pantry. I get bored, and so i eat. Surprise surprise, that's how i believe i am the size i am. Its one of my faults. I know it, I own it. I try to change it, and it never works. It upsets me.

I am meant to be at Angela's party tonight. But since my ride fell through, I didn't end up going. Not that I couldn't go, its just i didn't feel like accepting the pity seat, where i needed to be squished in. I sometimes grow a large amount of dignity and self pride, and i was too pissed to loose it. I hold no grudge, I just feel rather let down. But that's nothing a simple trip to Marion, to buy me some clothes, couldn't fix. (hint hint)

I am now on a quota of 5 blogs. 'One Word' was a simple idea I came up with today, and I think it may work well. While '2009' will be pretty self explanatory one the 1st January. I have some new things i wish to try out, I hope they work.

Love Love xx

My new blog


have a look

its not much

Saturday, December 20, 2008

A Parade Of Visions

I've been satisfactorily bored all day. i didnt get out of me pj's til 4pm, i spent most of the day playing 'The Movies' on my computer and i have ate stuff.

Yesterday i watched alot of TV. I've been watching a lot of Sex and the City these holidays. hhmm

I saw the Season 4 Finale of One Tree Hill yesterday, that was pretty emotional, and then i flipped the channel, and put on Scrubs, and it was another season finale, and that was also quite emotional, well in the last few minutes. So within the space of 10 minutes are had watched 2 very gripping peices of TV. haha

I dont have much i feel like talking about, odd thoughts have came in and out of my head over the past 36 hours.

Its only 5 more sleeps till Christmas, WOO. I am excited.

My sister is still using the word 'retarded', and i am still telling her off about it. Damn brat.

i shall refined some on my points that i wish to mention on here, for a later date.

Love love xx

Friday, December 19, 2008

Thats A Huge Fly, Sitting On The Mesh

So this time next week, Christmas day will have come and gone. Ah, what a shame, i do love Christmas.
I have had the worst build up to Christmas ever this year. I didn't get to help decorate the tree, my parents had some huge rant at us because we went searching for our presents and found them, and just generally the mood around my house has been quite shit hole. But ah well.
Still doesn't change the fact that on Christmas morning, all what shall be forgotten, and for an hour or so, it will simply just be the watchings of our joyous faces, as we open our presents. yay.


i just looked at a lovely selection of pictures, of my sister, on her myspace. SIDE POUTS. she has moved on from the classic, whoreish move of just pouting, now she is doing the side pout, made famous by my dear hatred counterpart, Kelly, uregh. (i use too many commas)
I love me sister, but i continuously get scared by the numbers of stereotypically bimbo-esk pictures that she puts on her Myspace. She is only 12 years old, but she just screams 'FUTURE WHORE' all throughout her Myspace profile and pictures.
Ah, it saddens me to think, of all those bitchy little people, that lurk others myspaces, that will gaze over her Myspace, and just assume she is nothing more than a common garden variety Skank. :'(

:O, there was no Heroes on last night, man i was spewing, LOL. i know whats going to happen, but i would like to witness it myself. i hate channel 7, SO much. do we really need 2 episodes of Bones a week, when Heroes is pushed back to a 10 30 timeslot. whats with channels hating the shows i love. Dont get me started on what they did to Veronica Mars, effing shnitzel.

i spent an oddly large amount of my time, from going to bed, to getting to sleep, last night, thinking about death. A morbid topic, but i couldnt get it out of my head. i occasionally open my mind up to the queasey subject, the majority of times by complete accident. The thought just washes over me, that no matter what, one day, i shall be dead. That one day, i will know what happens once you die, and i have heard many people explain how they dont find it that bad of a subject to think about, but its just kind of one of those undefined certainties of life, and it just kind of opens up alot of other thoughts into my head.
i concluded many different things, including that i thought that there must be something more to us than just organs and liquids. i mean, if you think about it, where do atoms form opinions, where do chemical reactions generate creations, you know. its just so daunting. honestly i cant imagine just, stopping, forever. I am yet to feel confident in the idea, that after we die, we go to some special place like heaven, or for the rest of us, hell.
i have previously had many different ideas on what happens once we pass, but i know, that i will only know the answer, once i am dead. i just hope that this isnt all there is, that we live one life and then are stopped forever. i would wonder where my thoughts would go, and my memories and opinions and everything i had thought, where would that go. i am getting into a talk of saying that we have souls and that our bodies are just a solid host for our spirits. which i would feel comfortable in knowing, but feel it is flaw in some ways.
Ah k, well honestly i have no idea, and its all just basically to help my own fears of whats to come.

I love having a dessert before dinner.

i realised something to other day. all the connection i make with life and stuff, i can always seem to find an example from what i have watched on TV. that is truely because i watch way too much tv, lol. but yes, i make the connections all the time.


love love xx

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

My Myspace Blogs

Were not for you people. infact the point of them, was firstly, to clean up my myspace profile page, and secondly, to put forth to the people who cant even pretend that they know me, and give the idea that i can be smart and display things in a way, that does need more thinking for. It wasn't meant to be overly intellectual, i knew all the words i used before i looked them up, it was just making the choice to try out different words.

You don't know me well enough to make the decision that i cant be intelligent. i know its not what i am known for, my intelligence, but that's because i have never displayed my full extent, but whatever. i shall go back down to a level that makes people feel more comfortable, or to a level that shows what my usual way is, and just hold back on what i could give.

I may not be the greatest genius on this plant, but i sure wish i was.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


'I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.' - Albert Einstein

My exploration into the 'thesaurus' was merely an exercise to learn some more of what i don't know. An experiment in the art of sounding smarter.
I did not expect so many people to get so aggravated by me trying to improve myself, to enhance what i hold dear.

And to comment on my quoted blog section. I haven't felt like i have met anyone who i personally feel intellectually inferior to. I'm not saying i feel intellectually superior to anyone, its just i haven't met anyone, who has baffled me with the basic intellect. take that as you will.

i treat people as intellectual equals, unless they do anything strikingly dumb, otherwise, i leave myself comfortable in my own knowledge.

i don't expect to have fortified my points successfully but i'm not one to take anything lying down

love love xx

Monday, December 15, 2008

It Makes Sence, It Is Perfect English.

Amphibological Suppositions, Consequently, Perplexing Aftermath.

Amaurotic Paroxysm, Motivates Baffling Conglomerations Of Pandemonium.

The Prospective Is Austere And Dubiously Conjectural.

Adieu And I Love You.

I Hate Time

If we did not live in a society that believed time was a thing in life that we cant live without, then things would be better. If we did not have it pushed into us all the time, that time is something that we must live around, and deal with, then we would be better off.
We are all lead to believe that time is one of those certainties in life that we cant get around, and so no one tries. but if we were to, if we were to just let time slip away, and not take any notice of what time it is, or how much time things is taking, or planning stuff at certain times, then we would be free.

Until we can escape the grips of time, no one can truly say they are free.

I hate time, because it is so easy to just believe that there is no way of getting around it, and that it is impossible to get away from it. the tragedy is that we were born with the ideal of time itself. for there are indigenous tribes out there in the world that live as they are, and don't stress for any undefined meaning.
This also brings up the thing, of how the curiosity of the human race has steadily destroyed us as a society. our desire to know all there is, has left us in a rut of chaos and misery, and has made us so much more dependent on time.
A peaceful place, full of beauty and tranquility, away from curiosity and time.
That what i aspire for.

love love xx

(All thoughts in this post were collaborated by the discussion in the circle hole on the beach last night)

Simplicity Distorted

Dear One's Promise.
You Are My Longevity. You Are Aggregate To What I Hanker To Occur. You Are My Prospects, Envisages And Objectives. I Canonize You. I Idolize Your Bloom, Your Disposition And Your Luminosity. When I Gawk Your Cast, Abruptly Hansom Ashen Fowls Barrel In The Vicinity, A Prodigious Brass Troupe Foundations Enacting Its Pittances And Cartouches Detonate Omnipresently. I Would Peregrinate To The Terminals Of The Macrocosm, Merely To Bonanza You Your Monopoly Of Nonpareils And Predilections That You Solicit For. With Per Capita Exhalation I Accommodate, I Shall Cleave You Nigh To Me And Foster Your Intonation Repercussioning In My Tympanum. The Crepuscular Evenings Empyrean, And Its Polished Starlight Children, Nourish My Reveries Of Having You Each Original Diurnal Course I Subsist.I Prize You And Elect Your Gracious Matter Accompanying Me. I Treasure You, Nevermore Obliterate That. I Love You.
Sam xx

A Look At Life

An untarnishedly resplendent weekend, fordone by the 2 most impractically autocratic, bantam acquiescent and complaisantly/pregnantly hypocritical and perceptively unjust members of my family.

Inevitably proving every point i have concluded about my demeaning relatives and there tragically self apostatizing understanding of family.

The tasteful requital of a little girl scorned by her own forth comings, turns against the single person who outstandingly aided her, through the foray of her blindly cogent procreator's.

Therefore consorting the wrath of a cacophonous sire and his delusive endeavors to eradicate one sons drive, inviting it upon me.

This weekend was scintillating, exalting and notably unforgettable, I'd aspire to retain its essence imperishably, but it was dolefully dilapidated by the lamentable juncture of the attenuate reestablishment to my deteriorated shanty.

I exhibit disorientation in my intrinsic habitation, i am overwrought with the method of humanity encompassing me and I shall, in one term, surmise to affirm these kin erroneous.

Adulation Relish xx

Friday, December 12, 2008

I Am Clara Unfinished Prologue

Ok. i so i typed out all this, in one sitting, i have not edited any of it since i wrote it, and this is certainly not a final copy, so yeh. i just thought i would let you people have a read of it, see if any of you understand the story.

This section takes place, before all the rest, its kind of the setting of hte idea of how Clara came into this world, and under what pretences, and such

She had brilliant, dark brown hair. Her eyes were a sharp blue and her skin was smooth and flawless, almost perfect. When she laughed, rooms stopped. Everyone knew her and loved her. She was kind, gentle and always had time for everyone. Formally, she was Joanne Danielle Veronica South, but those who know her just called her Jo, or the really close, Jojo.

Jo was a confident high school student, successfully passing all subjects at an above average standard. She was a well balanced popular student, with a busy social life and the most brilliant boyfriend she could ever have, Cody Shaw.

Cody was your typical perfect guy. He was handsom, gallant and constantly charming. Everyday he would make Jo feel like she had died and gone to heaven

'I could lose myself in those eyes' he would say, 'they just take my breath away.' Jo being a softy for the cheesey, would swoon at his words.

Jo and Cody were going steady for coming on 8 months, when they came to a stump. The cheesey had become chliches, the gallant had become expected and what made Cody handsom had just become features. They needed something more. Both Cody and Jo had made the decision that sex will not come about, through boredom, that it must be a special thing. For both of them were still virgins. So they needed something else, something new.

It was while Cody was scrumaging through his brothers belongings, that the answer came to them.
"You want us to try heroin"
"Sure, why not"
"Why not! Why not! because its dangerous, we dont know what might happen, and we could become addicted."
"Oh nah, dont be such a baby Jo, we need something new to keep this alive"
"Yeh, but i didnt mean heroin."
"Oh come on, whats the worst that could happen."

As if irony had answered the call, the worst did happen. Shortly after experimenting with the elicit drug, one of the 2 did get addicted. Even way after Cody and Jo parted ways, and school was over, Jo would still go searching down dark alleyways in search of another fix. In the end, due to her over powering dependancy to heroin, she lost all her credibility at her high school, she lost out on finishing school successful, and eventually just became someone else. Her hair was no longer brilliant, her eyes were a dull, pale blue and her skin was taught and rough. She no longer laughed, and was rarely kind or gentle, and now had no time for anyone, except for the dealers.

Years after finishing school, and living off whatever money the government would give her, she found herself tralling through the back streets of a prominantly black district, still searching for more of what she needed.

She had a friend, Rortisha, who she was trying to find. She wandered in to a club, music bumping, everyone dancing. She was so delirious she didnt even notice as a hoard of Neo Nazi White Supremacists came storming in, and shot up the place. She was hit over the head and knocked out.

She woke up. An undistiguishable face just infront of her veiw. She could feel the motions, as this unidentified man was having sex with her. She began to flail her arms and tried to scream. A gag across her mouth stopped her from making anymore than a steady groaing sound.
"I saved your life" the man announced. Jo groaned some more.
"Stop that," the man said, anger stitched amongst his voice,"if i hadnt said i would do this, they would have killed you, for being in the negro's club." A look of anguish came across his face, trying to plead to Jo, how necessary it was that it was happening.
"Stay quiet, i will be finished soon, I am truely sorry. Its just, you looked so peacefully beautiful, and i couldn't let you die." The man was still trusting into Jo, she could feel ever movement, as the sudden realisation, that this was how she lost her virginity. A tear travelled down her face, and the man wiped it away. He smiled.
"Its ok now, i've finished, you can go now." He let her go, with one final gasp. He put his finger to his lips, and gestured for her to be quiet. Seeing as the deed had been done, and the man in front of her was quite well built, she decided to follow his commands. Once he had removed the gag, he pointed to a doorway.
"You can leave out there. Dont bother trying to come back, because next time, you will be killed." He handed her a envelope with a letter inside, "Its so that you can get in contact with me, I'd love to see you again." He awkwardly smiled, and left out another door.

She quickly left out the gestured exit. She looked around at the out side, it was still night. It all just looked like an average street. She walked to where she thought the traffic would be. Looking down at the letter, she opened it. Inside was a small peice of paper, with 4 simple words. 'I Am Colin Farmer'.

It took her 7 weeks to discover she was pregnant.

atm it is at its basics, i just wanted to get down the story, and then i can work around it from there. so yeh
tell me what you think

I Am Clara

This is another one i made, tell me what you think

Thursday, December 11, 2008

i got til sunday

i got in some hugeish fight with my dad, and he has given me til sunday to find a new place to stay


i would explain the story, but i really dont feel in the mood for reminising

love love xx

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Getting Rid OF My Block

Ok, so to get me in the writing mood, i have designed 2 front cover thingos for my story 'I Am Clara'

People, tell me which one you like the best

thank you

love love xx

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Unhappy, but comforatble

i got all c's except one d for my report

i aint happy with it, but i am comfortable since i passed



Monday, December 8, 2008

BTW, everyone

Eventyr is finnish or norwegian for adventure


just thought i would let yous know

love love xx

Floating Dreams & Satelitte Pictures

i cant wait for the future, cos it will bring things better than what i have right now

by that, i mean what i have right now, all the shitty crappy dam fucked off emotions

all the shitty-ness of having a fight with the family

and gah

so mmm

love love xx

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Pine Tree Parade

I Love Christmas

i am feeling rather sick, i may not be getting enough fluids, how sad


i felt the need to blog, and so here i am, as always, just typing away until an idea of someform pops into my head, or i bring up the necessary amount of knowledge and poignancy (lol) to start talking about anything that is getting to me

like the fact that when decorating our christmas tree, i decided to swear at my sister, because she was explaining to me how to place some beads, woot woot, shit house

i sing in the shower, like, all the time.

i've watched about 16 episodes of scrubs today, woo for me

i love drew barrymore, never been kissed, what a sweet movie, and i love drew barrymore


ah, channel ten and there random movie showings, hhhhmmmmm, so much jerry mcguire and back to the future

buts, i loves me a good drew barrymore


my computer is being rather shitty, as i speak it is signing me out of msn and stopping me from just moving back to the home page on myspace. this computer is so fucking shit, gah

aahh, and so it eventually decides to do something good with itself, hoorah


i am tired, and i honestly cant think of anything to talk about. well i could, but i dont really feel like it, i duno, mmm.

love love xx

Saturday, December 6, 2008

I Feel ...


Like a strange unnecessary weight, that was not needed to be taken, has in undoubtedly been lifted.

i duno.

i know that a select few people, should be able to know what i am talking about, seeing as it was such an eye openingly significant moment, and that they should feel overly privileged that i felt comfortable enough, and that i felt confident enough in our friendships to share those delicate pieces of life.

i did not feel like it was a necessity to have explain such intimate details of me, and i didn't feel this burning and gut wrenching confusion going on in my head all the time as to how and when i was ever going to say anything of the such, it was just one of those things. the conversation went in certain directions and i thought it was an appropriate time to just develop a little more.

i feel better, knowing that after letting go of some inside information, that i was neither shunned nor pitied, but rather a sense of deep and honorable respect was sent my way. which makes me feel overly proud of myself and the people i hold closest.

it is a such a genuine relief , and i am so happy and generally feel a lot better in my self.

love love xx

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Plain And Simple

I Am Feeling Lost.

I Feel Like All People Have To Say About Me, Is That I Am A Bad Person.

I Feel Like Everytime I Try To Be Better, The Moment I Do Anything, People Shall Judge Me.

I Feel Trapped In My Own Decisions.

I Feel Like People Have Not Cared Enough To Try To Look Further Into My Words, Than Its First Impression.

I Feel That People Ignore What Kinda Of Person I Am, And Try And Tell Me, I Am Something I Am Not.

This Is How I Feel.

If You have Wanted To Know, Then Here It Is. As Basic And As Un-Cryptically Said, As I Can Muster.

I Love You All.

But I Don't Feel Like People Care Enough, To Know What They Are Loving.

(If You Want To Find Out More, Explain To Me, What You Do And Don't Understand, And I Will Fill In The Blanks)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Tear Stained Tuesdays

Today was overly boring and, pompously and annoyingly thwart with a mixture of emotions.

i watcheth myself way too much TV.

i am now in love with One Tree Hill, such an up beatly simple show, with many plot flaws that i dont really get, but alot of good characters, with easy to understand motives, and like just generally some good storylines

well, from what i've seen from the 8 episodes i watched today


there was a nice point made which i thought was interesting. about fighting for those who stay quiet, silent. it was cool, i thought, an interesting message, that when first explained by the characters on the show, i didnt quite understand, but then from what played out afterwards, it became quite clear.

see now, one of the main girl characters, had 'Dyke' spray painted across her locker, and everyone started treating her weirdly, and like, all this mumbo jumbo. there was this girl, who in later episodes it turns out she is Bi, but she explains to the one dubber a dyke, about being in her old school, and some rumour, and like stuff. but anyways

so this main character, who is called Peyton, she decides that instead of hiding away and being all like intreverted about it, she decides to spray paint 'Dyke' across one of her t-shirts and wears it to school

the principal tells her to take it off or leave the school, so she gets suspended, not after having a g\huge massive splerge of well written emotions.

the point i am trying to make, is this one of people like fighting for things and like themselves, and especially other people. because peyton clearly stated to the principal and the school, that she is not a dyke, but that it shouldnt really defer from the fact, that people are

it was cool, i thought

there was this other part of the show i liked, there was an episode, where they were making a video time capsule. and throughout the episode the main characters, the significant characters, all come along and say what they have to say, all making brilliant points about life and such

i just thought it would be a brilliant ideo to do something like that, just like talk to a camera, and record your feelings, but no body watch it, not until 50 years later, and everything is different

just a nice experiment to see how peoples ideas on stuff change and like yeh.

i am completely rambling away

i am honestly quite impressed with the intergrity and writing behind this show, its pretty cool.



i am still in a overly creative fever, but with like a super dooper writers block, and like i have the buzz but no power to keep it flowing, if you get what i mean


blogging helps me to just speak out, but i dont necessarily need to be creative to do it, so mmm. i duno. i have nothing to do tomoro, but i cant go to get my hair cut then, because my mum doesnt have any money to give me, so mm, thrusday or friday, hopefully, and my little marion buddy larissa, hopefully.

i duno, i am liking the idea of just going to marion, and just like doing shit all, and like, i guess talking lol. i duno, it makes me smile. especially since no one has been willing to take me up on my offer, and you seem to eager, but that might just be the fact of just doing something, but i duno. everyone else is tragicly overly busy to spend a minimum of like an hour and a hlaf with me in marion.

puts things in perspective sometimes. but eh

i do what i can for the people who let me try, but for those who keep there doors locked and windows shut, just their loss.


thats so overly petty and trivial. i dont do petty and trivial, i do outrageous and extravagant, lol.

i dont be grudge people doing other stuff with other people, that would be unfair of me. as bored and overly simple my times have been, its no one elses fault but my own, so i move on with my life.

so yes

ah, i am still rather a terrible person tho, but eh.

i duno


thats what i hold most closest to my heart

and thats how it shall stay, till i am forever lost of this world


if all else fails me, i keep my hope in my hand, everyday

and also, my optimistic and positive out look on life, and the way i can find the greatest part of any dreary and miserable thing that goes on.


i like polar bears

that is a fair enough statement


i am going to write a list of my goals and stuff, and like the things i want to do, just anything, like sing in the rain, or see a miracle, you know, the simple things


but yeh

its to make my myspace complete, haha

i finished my about me

i think its alright

i shall probably end up changing it, cos i am a tempermental genius.


but yesums

my imagination is coverted in the most brillaince of masterpeices

one day, the world shall understand ym genius more clearly

until then, i shall just have to be the modest intellectual


i'm sorry, i have not yet met a person i feel intellectually inferior to

one day, i hope i shall

but until then, i shall dwell in my most prized part of my personality.

we all need something we are happy with, andwith me, its my intellect

if you care to challenge me, then go a head



now, why would anyone want to do that, why would anyone wish to tear apart the most significant aspect of a person, what joys would they have in knowing, that they wish to tear down the complete and most honestly important aspect of someone. lol

i am rambling

because i can

but yes

i would love to be able to sing overly well, and like brilliantly, and be confident in knowing that i can. i thing to be able to sing, would be a magnificant thing to have. i dont know for certain of any singing talent i have. i know that i can hold a tune, but i dont know if my voice sounds right for singing, i duno if it would sound nice, mm

to honestly know that i could sing, would be a great thing, mmm

well i believe i can, to an extent, but i duno if it sounds nice and such, but yeh


i duno if anyone is still reaing this, i'm pretty sure, its probably gone past the insane level of just plain crap, but yeh

i just keep typing, typing away, til my hearts content

its how i do.


but i think i have gone on long enough


love love xx

Monday, December 1, 2008

I Am A Wall Flower ..

.. not the prettiest, but you'll see.


I Am The New Sample Of Breed, Trying To Individualize Ones Self.

Be Myself, Yet Being Like Them.

Do What I Want, But Still Following A Trend.

Contusions Of Chaotic Contradictions And Anomalies.

Moving Onwards.

I Grow Tired Of Relaxing.

I Was Born To Adventure.

A Story Should Be Written, Not Tales Of Tiresome And Lonely Exploits Of An Average And Basic Day.


Sweet And Adorable, Yet Terrible. Why Must The Unraveling Of The Tragedies Keep Coming.

The Universe Has Forsaken Me.

Dam That Which Controls But Not Lives Through.

The Moments When I Am Ripped Of This World, The World Shall Feel Its Own Pains.



I Love Those Who Don't Care What They Are Loving. But I Hate Breaking Their Hearts.

Double Meaning.

I Am Persistent.

A Promise Keeper.

I Can Be The Biggest Bitch You've Ever Seen.

I Shall Have To Be.

Doom. Shakalaka.

*Heart Pours On To Itself. The Shred Of Tears Rolling Down A Dry Cheek.*

Oh, The Madness.

Mmm, Well Anyways.

Love Love, To Those Who Need It.


P.S. Make A Wish, And I Shall Wish Along Too.


i am bored out of my mind

and i want to blog, but dont actually have the energy to blog anything interesting or worthwhile

so yeh

i dont have a clue what to write about

i do have things i would and could write about, but i dont really have the words to describe it, or the energy to give it justice, you know
it would just be a shame if i did

so yeh

larissa, if you want to, and you can come with me to marion, let me know asap, cos yeh, that would be cool


but yeh

i am gonna leave you now

love love xx

Pinch, Punch

Its December Everyone

thats means a new set of post thingos, wooo


i am bored, its nearly mid day, and i am still in my PJ's, lol


does anyone want to come to marion with me sometime in the week

cos i need to go down to get a hair cut and stuff

and dont want to go by me self


but yes


first day of december

that means 25 days til christmas

oh god

holy mcfuckshitelsticksandraindrops


ok, love love xx