Licorice Batteries

I don't fit in with everyone, so I have found new ones to fit in with.

Mmmm.

I'm unsure of whether I should be happy, or upset.

Ah, well. I will just have to try again.

:(

Love Love xx

The Pursuit

I haven't blogged for a while. Well, its felt like a while. But I don't have much to say, or much I feel I need to talk to myself about.

I feel happy, and comfortable with everything.

So yeh.

If anyone wants someone to talk to, give me a bell.

It could only make me happier, atm.

Love Love xx

Pre-Pubescent Cleavage Shots

My sister is growing up. Fast.

I hope she listened to what me and my mum had to say.

I hope she didn't take it badly, or like we were ganging up on her.

I do love her.

Love Love xx

We Would Love You If You Were Gay, Blind or Retarded, But You're Not.

I surround myself with fake emotions. No, not fake. 'Fakely generated' emotions. By this I mean, the emotions generated by TV and Movies.

I treat myself as a character. Keeping in emotions until there comes a time when it can be used for a climactic event, or otherwise over MSN, but more often than not, I am waiting.

Still waiting in fact. I am a terrible person, for setting expectation or standards, that I shall for fill but no one else will. Mainly because they don't realize that I have been trying to display the standard or expectation that I have set everyone and myself.

Usually I take things too, to heart. So I set the standard, and then expect everyone else to just understand and follow. But when people don't, I take it as them purposely out to get me. So sometimes, just sometimes, I get overly paranoid by everyone.

That has actually only happened a few times. The whole, forming standards and no one really following, because they don't realize it has been set, and so then me in my own mind believing that no one cares and such and that no one cares for my opinon and everyone just is out to try and put me down.

This wasn't really my point, but eh.

Love Love xx

P.S. My post name, is a Family Guy quote, that I laughed at, for its subtle message. It was directed at Meg, if that clears things up. :P

Me and My Pimplets.

I think this suit looks quite amazingly cool. Of course, it is a pimp's suit. But as me and Kristen discussed, I am a pimp, and I have my little Pimplets. :P.

Anyways, moving on.

I have, what I am dubbing a 'Glanced Crush', on a little kid. A glanced crush, meaning, I know the person through other people. Have never had a proper conversation with that person, and as of yet, don't actually know anything of much value of this person. Also, its not quite a little kid, but rather a younger kid, a younger version of an older kid, you might say.

I often Glance Crush. I consider a person as an option, and allow the thought to mingle in my mind for a while, then I will smoothly move on to someone else. It affects no one. Therefore, I continue this trend. Until, the glance becomes a stare, or otherwise is completely forgotten.

A companion. That's what I reckon I need. More of a companion. A 3 hour texting buddy. Long winded MSN conversations that drag on for days. Unlike, what I keep getting now.

I am still working on my Slimming. Thanks to a dear friend. But I have been finding it harder than I expected, and actually expectantly indulged. I shall explain to my helper tomorrow, and see if there is anything that can be done to help.

'Strength comes from those who are willing to admit they need help.'

A white suit would be awesome. Like with black stripes. A bit thicker than pin stripes. That's what I would love to wear to formal, something like that. It would be fun to dress up so oddly. In something I like.

'You could have a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye but only a true best friend knows you're about to cry'

That was the little under message thing on my 'little year 9 friend' Holly's MSN name. I thought it was sweet, and incredibly true. But also very hard to follow as s standard. As my experience tells, most people would adore to feel like another person can tell exactly when another is upset, but it generally just plays out, that they need to be told, or otherwise never know. That's some of my experiences on that. But I still find it sweet.

I think I may have changed the mood of this blog. Moving on. Oh, I don't think I have anything I feel I need to add.

Love Love xx

Carnival of Peace

All we have is hope.

Maybe one day we will al stop killing each other.

We will stop torturing little children.

We will try to help.

At the moment, all we have is the hope, that the human spirit will be strong enough.

Love Love xx

!?!

It's OK.

I Care.

Love Love xx

The Super Golden Spoon

Lets consider this.

You are hurt in some way. In pain. Somethings up, and you have no one to talk to.

I want you to consider, who do you want to talk to. Who is the person you want to talk to. Who is the person you need.

Right.

Now, you don't have that person. You don't have your second choice, or even you somewhat unreliable third choice. So what do you do.

Most people would say, well I would just ask for anyone's help by then.

But would you, would you really.

On most accounts, once they got passed there list of options, that usually doesn't stretch realistically that long, most people give up, and no longer mention it again, or hold it in til the moment comes when they can tell their first.

If people realistically just wanted the comfort of anybody, then they would be open enough to tell the first person that honestly cares, most especially if it was a person who was none of there choices. There is always this person, who is never asked upon or considered. But sticks around just to make someone smile.

That person, I call the consolation prize.

The person, who throughout all that goes on, will be there when no one else will. But isn't the person you want. You've been gunning for gold, but your stuck with a wooden spoon.

Now this person, does all the right things. Is there at crucial moments. Comforts. Holds. Listens. Actually cares. But in the end, the point of this person is to simply just console, for that short amount of time that this person is necessary. So this person gets thrown away. Traded back in for that initial prize of gold, or maybe even just a prettier spoon.

Those of you out there, know exactly who these consolation prizes are, and they probably know that they are one as well. Its just the way the system works as all.

Maybe you will notice it more now.

Love Love xx

Joker Beats Ace

'Satire Is A Lesson, Parody Is A Game'

I have officially applied for my Citizenship. YAY. Just waiting for a letter from Canberra to make it all official and stuff, because I successfully answered the 2 questions I needed to for my Interview. They will tell me when I am doing my ceremony and all that, which will be cool, I would like people to come and see.

My parents passed the test thing. My dad got 19/20 and my mum got 17/20. It was all pretty simple stuff, but a lot of it, I would be surprised if many Australians knew about it. :P

On the other side of things, one of our close English families is being deported. Its quite tragic really. They have been living here for 3 years, and gained new lives here, and they got declined for there visa, and so now have to go back to England. I could explain in more detail, but its not really my place to discuss.

To all of us, it doesn't really make much sense, and my mum is especially quite saddened by the whole thing.

Well, I don't know quite how to connect what I really wanted to talk about, with the rest of this post, so I am going to leave it here.

Love Love xx

In Print

A smile maybe a smile in the day time, but when I come home, all I remember is the secret tears that were hidden behind it.

I need help.

and thank you.

I need someone to listen to me.

To want to listen to everything and anything I NEED to talk about.

Because, right now I am losing my mind. I feel alone. I hopelessly hold on to whatever I have left.

Someone please just sit down with me.

Love Love xx

My Silent Musical

I'm singing to myself.

I've been snacking. I can't properly starve myself, can I. Good god, I don't know whats going on anymore.

So I am now sitting hear, singing to myself, because now one hear to listen.

I am singing about more, than you might ever understand.

But no one, wants to hear my song.

So I, am singing to myself. All about my situations and my soul.

I don't need another person, to not even come up and say its OK. I just need someone, to listen to my dismay.

I could cry, if I could only.

I just hope someone is listening to me now.

Love Love xx

I Wanted That Grammy

I like being by myself sometimes. It's relaxing and gentle. It helps me to just, I don't know, simplify.

It just never lasts.

So, I am now not relaxed and gentle, or feel that everything is simpler.

I have not eaten properly for the past 2 days.

I think I am losing my mind.

I want someone to just willingly give me a hug.

Love Love xx

Couples Couples Everywhere, But No Where To Park My Car

My god, there is an infestation of couples.

I think cupid is trying to complete his quota before valentines day.

Its just madness.

But it's OK. It's fair enough of people. I understand, and am fine with it.

F&^K S$#T P@$S C%&T

LOL, jokes.

But anyways.

I am deprived.

Ah well.

Love Love xx

Rich Angels

I just watched 'The Secret Millionaire', a TV show, on the lifestyle channel, OMG, it is the most emotionally driven show ever.

The basic idea fo the show, is that these rich British millionaires. Enter themselves into the slums of Britain, learn all about the people and there struggles. Then after spending 10 days looking at all the charitable stuff all these everyday people are trying to do. The millionaire gives them a large amount of money to help them out some more.

My god, it was just the most brilliant thing I have ever seen.

I cried. To an extent.

It was just something really nice and uplifting to watch. By the end, you just want to cry and hug everyone you know. I don't know, I just enjoyed it.

Love Love xx

Ninety Nine Red Baloons

Anarchism.

So, I am not satisfied with myself. Neither with anything that is around me. Unimpressive. Cellophane.

I lost my flow, and my point.

I am unsure of everything.

Love Love xx

Its Not Love, If No One Cares

They say, that your first love, sets the bar for all your proceeding loves. That what happens first, controls what happens next.

Considering that. This is where my concern lies.

I feel no more attraction to love. That is not what I desire. Not love. But, I desire a relationship. Some form of relationship. One between 2 people, but not necessarily 'love'.

Now, some may not understand. The rest.

I was in a relationship, one that some may not know about. But one that lasted its time. One that set some different boundaries on what is necessary in a relationship. Simply, this relationship worked its way to new levels of interaction.

Now, I shall never openly admit to loving, but a rather overly strong connection, was met. A standard was also met. The standard, that when we were alone, we get close, very close.

Since that relationship has ended, in its ways, there is only one thing I miss. Not the person. Not the personality. Not the funny stories. Not the time spent listening to music. But rather the moments where we got as close as could be.

I am angry with myself. I feel terrible. Its terrible. The feeling, that that feeling, is what I want back.

That now, when I try to find myself a new relationship, that is the bit I am searching for. That is the piece that I desire from them. That is MY standard.

A void of innocence has been ripped from me.

What can I do? I don't want to be that kind of person. I am not that kind of person.

I know who has done this to me. Maybe they can help. Haven't seen them since before we broke up.

I need help.

Love Love xx

May Rainbows Fill Your Dreams.

Its Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

I knew that. I witnessed that. I allowed it to happen.

I became a wolf in sheep clothing. Introducing a need to change. That someone needed to become something they weren't. For the sake of others.

Not who I should of been. For the sake of others. I was not what I wanted.

Not fair. Not right. Not deserved. Not how it should have been handled.

I am sorry.

I KNOW it is hard. I KNOW, how hard it is. How utterly difficult it is. The pain. The mask. The extra tortures that can be added to the mix. The loss. The feeling that the hurt will last an eternity. The next day. That day. Each day.

I KNOW that things will be different. Harder. Lonelier. I KNOW that for now, you may be confused and lost. Hold on. Reach out. Be Patient.

Love is not a milestone away.

I wish I had been a better person. I wish I was a better person. I wish I had done what I knew I should of. I wish you the best.

Love Love xx

Blank Postcard

I am not naive to the world. I understand more than people may give me credit for. I am never oblivious to myself, or those close to me. I know what is wrong and why.

Looking at myself has got easier. Smiling is simpler. School work is getting more than satisfactory. Hunger pains are a welcomed acceptance.

But.

My parents can't afford to keep our house running. Dishwasher, broken. Fridge, broken. White ants, eating out bathroom. Pool, breaking. Light bulbs, keep burning out. Electricity, doesn't go to all the house. Debt, building up. Dad, stressed to boiling point. Mum, hating work.

We have each other. We have our health. He love each other. All these things, are just material objects. We could live without them, and still be happy.

Haven't seen my dad smile.

Money for holidays. Money for getting our citizenship. Money for celebrating citizenship. Money for replacing broken stuff. Money for keeping the pool clean. Money for school. Money for clothes. Money for bills. Money for debt. Money for food. Money. Money. Money.

It upsets me. Concerns me. There's nothing I can do. I am useless. Helpless. Hopeless.

In my head, I feel lost.

I need someone to hold my hand. Someone who wants to hold my hand. A hug. A genie. A person to throw hope in my face. Telling the truth. I know the truth, but I need verification. My words are useless if no one believes them.

I am optimistic, but that don't mean I don't need someone telling me that everything will be OK. I am still only human. I am still just a kid. I still love the hugs from my mum. Her giggles and laughs.

Story books find me an escape. Especially ones where you can be lost anywhere. One where you can immerse yourself in a foreign culture. Foreign myths. Foreign adventures.

My vices are gone. So I have relived them. Re-mentioned them. Put them back in my mind. Holding on to memories. Enjoying the feelings all over again. Inviting in the flavors that I have now lost.

My constants are gone.

Love Love xx

Sing A Lullaby

Dancing in my pool and singing to myself. Sing a song about not letting the closest person to you in, in case they don't like what they find.

Save It For The Last Kiss.

Meaning, saving your questions, til you no longer care for what the answers are. Like the last kiss in a relationship. I duno, it sounds better in my head.

I started work on my English oral, I got like the whole section on one of the things that are important to me. I need to work on it to get it just that little bit more emotionally gripping, lol, but yeh. I have my concept for the second thing as well, so all is good.

I think we are all generally quite hypercritical, but I think that's just a part of our nature.

I was wondering the other day, right. You know how traditionally pink is for girls and blue is for boys. I was wondering, if we took a child and didn't introduce him/her to colours and such, and then told him/her to attach specific colours to a specific sex, whether is would still be the same.

I also thought that if we got a young child, and taught them to speak English and taught them letters, but didn't actually allow them to know what the letters looked like. Would they associate the same symbol with the same sounds.

I duno, it was just a thought that came to my head, you know.

I like the Odyssey. I've got very interested in it.

I'm feeling better, cos i am eating better, and exercising.

yay.

Love Love xx

Hi Nathan 2

HAHAHA, yay.

Well you are staring quite intently at my picture, and talking about megans iced coffee, :P

and lady marmalde is on

and woo

so yup

xx

Hi Nathan

Wooo.

Boob.

You have to come over to this side and see the picture i drew in psych.

Bonnie and emily are rapping or something, :P

xx

The Progression of Misinformation!

A different interpretation on something.

Controversial or just a joke.

I want a camcorder, cos I would much prefer to do video blogs, that would be so much cooler. But of course, I would still dabble in the typing.

I am tired.

I am typing the thoughts that come into my head.

Mango Chutney.

Of course I would ....

Yup.

Sexual Feeling.

Interesting-esk.

I want to be nathan evans thin.

LOL, like that would happen.

This person is still talking to me, now this person wants to get in my pants, LOL. HAHA.

Starfish.

Blow Out Me Candles.

Blue.

Confused.

I need to find a point next time.

Love Love xx

Satisfaction.

How odd.

You think you have got someone cracked down, and then they do something different. Like they give you this image of them being subtly sweet and adorable and such, and then they go and do something that I would feel is quite the opposite.

Just goes to show you, you can't truly know a person.

Well, now time to try and get in there pants.

LOL.

Another thing, it's enlightening when an old friend contacts you from beyond the past. LOL. Yay, for it being so snowy in England. Ah, my little Ellie. :)

A new mixture of people. Odd. Lol, Strange.

Love Love xx

Star Jumps In My Pool

That's what I do. Lots and lots of star jumps, as well as swimming and kicking and stuff.

I am proud of myself a little, because I have been eating healthier and stuff, and like, YAY.

I just felt like mentioning this, because i am in that kind of mood

Love Love xx

Kids Of The Korn

Ah, my young'n friends are making me smile.

A collaborative effort from all the little kiddies of my day (not counting the ones that live in my house) have continuously made things better. Consisting of the children between year groups 11 - 9 (No year 8 could make me happy)(That's not quite true but shh).

Ah, its just been little things. Like hunting someone down and traveling around to find someone, so as to be returned with the greatest burst of 'SAM!!' I have ever heard, or meeting a lovely collection of friends on the bus, or spending a delicious time while waiting for a bus and then on the bus, or coming home to find a lovely nice message on a persons myspace.

LOL

I am in a good mood.

Love Love xx

It Takes 2 To Tango, But 17 To Make A 17 Man Crowd!

I need help.

Honestly.

I don't comfort in being honest, because I don't think it will make a difference. For now I am going to move on.

I am imagining that there is a lack in people that read these. Which in someway makes me feel alright because it means I am still just in my own head. But other ways, I duno, I feel maybe just a bit, alone.

I've been out of it for a little while, and everything feels different. People seem odder, situations seem changed and everything just seems to have formed into something else.

I could probably come up with a few simple explanations, the most obvious being that everyone is back at school. But I duno, other things.

Its this little annoying thing in the back of my mind, and its making me uneasy. I'm sure i will eventually forget it, and feel like everything is as normal as ever, but i just kinda want to put it on the record. That things have changed.

Whether obvious or inconspicuous, something else is lurking about.

Well, moving on.

I have had my first failure.

In my bid to become healthy and thin. Coke, M&M's and Pizza. Too much, SO MUCH. I felt guilty and disappointed in myself.

OOO, I just thought of something, Genius, hhhmmm. Nah, wouldn't be as coolas i think it would.

Anyways. I tried to contemplate for it by doing 20 minutes worth of star jumps in my pool and swimming lengths and stuff. (Doing Aerobics in a pool is very good exercise)

But I kept snacking.

I need a large Russian woman following me all the time, who can slap me every time I fall out of line. No, I just need to get more control of myself.

Gah, I hate wittling on about myself. It feels so pompous. I apologise to the last remaining people still reading this. I don't find it fair of me to talk about myself. Especially since no one has asked to know.

I, ofcourse, have no one else to talk about, but you know.

I am a strange person.

Hmm

Love Love xx

P.S. The Staberfoyle Park blog thing, I realised, I am the only year 12 male there, and the only mainstream kid, I think. :)

Poodle Sir

My 100th Post.

Welcome To February The First.

I Loveth My Pool.

I Have School Tomorrow.

Love Love xx