Its Not Love, If No One Cares

They say, that your first love, sets the bar for all your proceeding loves. That what happens first, controls what happens next.

Considering that. This is where my concern lies.

I feel no more attraction to love. That is not what I desire. Not love. But, I desire a relationship. Some form of relationship. One between 2 people, but not necessarily 'love'.

Now, some may not understand. The rest.

I was in a relationship, one that some may not know about. But one that lasted its time. One that set some different boundaries on what is necessary in a relationship. Simply, this relationship worked its way to new levels of interaction.

Now, I shall never openly admit to loving, but a rather overly strong connection, was met. A standard was also met. The standard, that when we were alone, we get close, very close.

Since that relationship has ended, in its ways, there is only one thing I miss. Not the person. Not the personality. Not the funny stories. Not the time spent listening to music. But rather the moments where we got as close as could be.

I am angry with myself. I feel terrible. Its terrible. The feeling, that that feeling, is what I want back.

That now, when I try to find myself a new relationship, that is the bit I am searching for. That is the piece that I desire from them. That is MY standard.

A void of innocence has been ripped from me.

What can I do? I don't want to be that kind of person. I am not that kind of person.

I know who has done this to me. Maybe they can help. Haven't seen them since before we broke up.

I need help.

Love Love xx