They say, that your first love, sets the bar for all your proceeding loves. That what happens first, controls what happens next.
Considering that. This is where my concern lies.
I feel no more attraction to love. That is not what I desire. Not love. But, I desire a relationship. Some form of relationship. One between 2 people, but not necessarily 'love'.
Now, some may not understand. The rest.
I was in a relationship, one that some may not know about. But one that lasted its time. One that set some different boundaries on what is necessary in a relationship. Simply, this relationship worked its way to new levels of interaction.
Now, I shall never openly admit to loving, but a rather overly strong connection, was met. A standard was also met. The standard, that when we were alone, we get close, very close.
Since that relationship has ended, in its ways, there is only one thing I miss. Not the person. Not the personality. Not the funny stories. Not the time spent listening to music. But rather the moments where we got as close as could be.
I am angry with myself. I feel terrible. Its terrible. The feeling, that that feeling, is what I want back.
That now, when I try to find myself a new relationship, that is the bit I am searching for. That is the piece that I desire from them. That is MY standard.
A void of innocence has been ripped from me.
What can I do? I don't want to be that kind of person. I am not that kind of person.
I know who has done this to me. Maybe they can help. Haven't seen them since before we broke up.
I need help.
Love Love xx