Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Socrates once wrote 'In every one of us there are two ruling and directing principles, whose guidance we follow wherever they may lead; the one being an innate desire of pleasure; the other, an acquired judgment which aspires after excellence.'
Leonardo da Vinci once wrote 'Human subtlety...will never devise an invention more beautiful, more simple or more direct than does nature, because in her inventions nothing is lacking, and nothing is superfluous.'
Churchill once said 'What is the use of living, if it be not to strive for noble causes and to make this muddled world a better place for those who will live in it after we are gone?'
mm, I got bored.
Love Love xx
Monday, December 29, 2008
I love my dear friends.
Disappointing sunset, but quite amazing winds.
LOL. The sea or the rocks, strange.
Shame the Nate boy had to leave.
I'm just happy, have been since Christmas.
That's all because of the people I have been with.
Love Love xx
Saturday, December 27, 2008
I shall elaborate later, I'm too distracted listening to all the songs i have downloaded and put on my new i-pod.
Oh, and Pink's new album is just awesome. As well as Snow Patrol's. Vantage Point is just a brilliantly made movie, I recommend it.
Love Love xx
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
It won't be long now and all those little kids, that still believe in the old fat man and his antlered deers, will be scrummaging through a pile of neatly piled presents. The crumbs of left over cookies and an empty glass from the milk (or occasionally beer) they left for Santa and maybe even a carrot nub coarsely gnawed at. The parents looking pleasantly as the children find there desires nestled under their three.
There shall be those families, that might actually be divulging into some before hand present openings. Already there are parents watching over their child's face, as they light up with joy. But they shall still have their Christmas day, and all the more present shall be opened when they wake. As for now, they're just getting their taster of whats to come.
But sadly, even though there will be all this joy everywhere, there shall still be those homes and families, that don't quite have the celebratory Christmas. An argument may erupt, challenges may be met or just the basic chaos of having people in such close quarters. There are people, right now, questioning whether it is worth getting excited for this day, because they know, as far as history can state, that their Christmas will not run smoothly.
So I hope you all have a good Christmas, whether you believe you will or not. You all deserve at least one day this year, to just be unquestionably happy. I hope you all have enough hope to believe you shall.
Love Love xx
I love it when people rant at me. When they have something to say, and they are honest. Of course what there saying likes incite and actual knowledge on me, but sure, they bring up some interesting points.
Hmm, I just found the most interesting Truthbox comment ever.
'I think i hate you. Your not as great as you think you are. You seem to fail at everything. Your not smart. You not academically smart, because you fail lots of your lessons. You cant be socially smart because you have no friends, and the ones that you do have you insult and say bad things too.You cant be smart through your logic, because your decisions are going to ruin your life, for example missing all of your lessons. Your only ability you can advertise is the fact that because you never have anyone to spend time with, you spend hours thinking of rediculas sentences in an attempt to make you appear smart. The truth is that i dont think anyone looks up too you. I think you should put down the dictionary'.
I find it certainly a bit harsh, and unnecessary. I could easily sit here and cut down on ever thing that is said about me, right here. But honestly, I'm just going to let this person believe they know me enough to judge me. I hold no grudges against people and there opinions. I'd just prefer people to be able to back it up.
Well, just thought I'd let you lot have a looksies.
Love Love xx
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I have figured out that if I don't do something then I will be stuck in my house until Friday, meaning I would have tallied 9 days cooped up in my house. But things are looking up, and i may make it out of the house for Christmas Eve, at least.
Hmm. Well I had things I had thought about talking about, throughout the day, but they are gone. I guess I shall just have to revisit them another time.
Love Love xx
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
That is the misunderstood section, of my most commonly quoted part of my 'Tear Stained Tuesdays' post.
That little phrase, is me telling people, that i don't believe i am intellectually superior to the world. I believe that i have a different kind of intelligence, and that in certain fields i would be better than most at, but i also conclude that so would most other people.
But what i am saying in in this quote, is that i hope i may meet the person, that is intelligent in just the same way as me, and knows what i mean when i talk, without me having to explain, and that they shall out shine me in what i know. i want to meet the person who knows what i know, understands what i have to say, but also knows just enough more, to make me gasp and be amazed. No one has yet read one of my posts, and decided to ask me a question about it, or tried to learn a little bit more about what i mean. I want to meet the person, that without asking or inviting, asks about me, and wishes to know, so that in the end, i can return the favor to the grandest of my ability.
I don't quite think that gave my meaning justice, but eh. I tried. That's all i can do.
I love all those who try.
I have been emotionally filled tonight. Now i am relaxed in my capacity. :)
Love Love xx
Be Myself, Yet Being Like Them.
Do What I Want, But Still Following A Trend.
Contusions Of Chaotic Contradictions And Anomalies.'
This is a direct quote from my 'I Am A Wall Flower' post.
I thought i would try to explain what i means, because its important to me.
By saying, 'I Am The New Sample Of Breed, Trying To Individualize Ones Self'. What i am saying, is that i am just another person, just like so many others, who is trying to be individual. 'Be Myself, Yet Being Like Them' . Is my understanding, that in trying to be individual, i am doing what so many others try to do, and that what i may do to be myself, and be individual, may just be the same kind of stuff that other people are doing. 'Do What I Want, But Still Following A Trend.' Is this same idea, that by trying to be what i wish, individual, i shall still just end up falling into the same stuff as other people. 'Contusions Of Chaotic Contradictions And Anomalies.' Is just my simple way of summing up how odd the whole thought was.
I'm just trying explain things people don't understand. So that people can't say i don't them enough. Lol.
Love Love xx
Its soon Christmas. I love Christmas, because that means, for one day, my whole family, all as one, gets to enjoy having a load of new things together. I thought about it. Realistically I could just wait, save up my money and buy myself these presents, but that's not the point and neither is it that my parents are getting me them, because they love me. No, the point is, is that for one day, as a family we all get to have some gifts. Its not one persons day, its everyone's. Its not one person coming home after a day at Marion, and showing everyone the amazing gift they had bought themselves. Its not about a persons birthday, or getting a treat because they have done well at school. It is simply a day, where no one is specifically anymore special than anyone else, but yet you can spend the day feeling ultimately pleased with the amount of joy and laughter that surrounds you.
I hate this house so much. I hate the fact that when i spend too much time in it, i end up spending the largest majority of that time, in the pantry. I get bored, and so i eat. Surprise surprise, that's how i believe i am the size i am. Its one of my faults. I know it, I own it. I try to change it, and it never works. It upsets me.
I am meant to be at Angela's party tonight. But since my ride fell through, I didn't end up going. Not that I couldn't go, its just i didn't feel like accepting the pity seat, where i needed to be squished in. I sometimes grow a large amount of dignity and self pride, and i was too pissed to loose it. I hold no grudge, I just feel rather let down. But that's nothing a simple trip to Marion, to buy me some clothes, couldn't fix. (hint hint)
I am now on a quota of 5 blogs. 'One Word' was a simple idea I came up with today, and I think it may work well. While '2009' will be pretty self explanatory one the 1st January. I have some new things i wish to try out, I hope they work.
Love Love xx
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Yesterday i watched alot of TV. I've been watching a lot of Sex and the City these holidays. hhmm
I saw the Season 4 Finale of One Tree Hill yesterday, that was pretty emotional, and then i flipped the channel, and put on Scrubs, and it was another season finale, and that was also quite emotional, well in the last few minutes. So within the space of 10 minutes are had watched 2 very gripping peices of TV. haha
I dont have much i feel like talking about, odd thoughts have came in and out of my head over the past 36 hours.
Its only 5 more sleeps till Christmas, WOO. I am excited.
My sister is still using the word 'retarded', and i am still telling her off about it. Damn brat.
i shall refined some on my points that i wish to mention on here, for a later date.
Love love xx
Friday, December 19, 2008
I have had the worst build up to Christmas ever this year. I didn't get to help decorate the tree, my parents had some huge rant at us because we went searching for our presents and found them, and just generally the mood around my house has been quite shit hole. But ah well.
Still doesn't change the fact that on Christmas morning, all what shall be forgotten, and for an hour or so, it will simply just be the watchings of our joyous faces, as we open our presents. yay.
i just looked at a lovely selection of pictures, of my sister, on her myspace. SIDE POUTS. she has moved on from the classic, whoreish move of just pouting, now she is doing the side pout, made famous by my dear hatred counterpart, Kelly, uregh. (i use too many commas)
I love me sister, but i continuously get scared by the numbers of stereotypically bimbo-esk pictures that she puts on her Myspace. She is only 12 years old, but she just screams 'FUTURE WHORE' all throughout her Myspace profile and pictures.
Ah, it saddens me to think, of all those bitchy little people, that lurk others myspaces, that will gaze over her Myspace, and just assume she is nothing more than a common garden variety Skank. :'(
:O, there was no Heroes on last night, man i was spewing, LOL. i know whats going to happen, but i would like to witness it myself. i hate channel 7, SO much. do we really need 2 episodes of Bones a week, when Heroes is pushed back to a 10 30 timeslot. whats with channels hating the shows i love. Dont get me started on what they did to Veronica Mars, effing shnitzel.
i spent an oddly large amount of my time, from going to bed, to getting to sleep, last night, thinking about death. A morbid topic, but i couldnt get it out of my head. i occasionally open my mind up to the queasey subject, the majority of times by complete accident. The thought just washes over me, that no matter what, one day, i shall be dead. That one day, i will know what happens once you die, and i have heard many people explain how they dont find it that bad of a subject to think about, but its just kind of one of those undefined certainties of life, and it just kind of opens up alot of other thoughts into my head.
i concluded many different things, including that i thought that there must be something more to us than just organs and liquids. i mean, if you think about it, where do atoms form opinions, where do chemical reactions generate creations, you know. its just so daunting. honestly i cant imagine just, stopping, forever. I am yet to feel confident in the idea, that after we die, we go to some special place like heaven, or for the rest of us, hell.
i have previously had many different ideas on what happens once we pass, but i know, that i will only know the answer, once i am dead. i just hope that this isnt all there is, that we live one life and then are stopped forever. i would wonder where my thoughts would go, and my memories and opinions and everything i had thought, where would that go. i am getting into a talk of saying that we have souls and that our bodies are just a solid host for our spirits. which i would feel comfortable in knowing, but feel it is flaw in some ways.
Ah k, well honestly i have no idea, and its all just basically to help my own fears of whats to come.
I love having a dessert before dinner.
i realised something to other day. all the connection i make with life and stuff, i can always seem to find an example from what i have watched on TV. that is truely because i watch way too much tv, lol. but yes, i make the connections all the time.
love love xx
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
You don't know me well enough to make the decision that i cant be intelligent. i know its not what i am known for, my intelligence, but that's because i have never displayed my full extent, but whatever. i shall go back down to a level that makes people feel more comfortable, or to a level that shows what my usual way is, and just hold back on what i could give.
I may not be the greatest genius on this plant, but i sure wish i was.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
My exploration into the 'thesaurus' was merely an exercise to learn some more of what i don't know. An experiment in the art of sounding smarter.
I did not expect so many people to get so aggravated by me trying to improve myself, to enhance what i hold dear.
And to comment on my quoted blog section. I haven't felt like i have met anyone who i personally feel intellectually inferior to. I'm not saying i feel intellectually superior to anyone, its just i haven't met anyone, who has baffled me with the basic intellect. take that as you will.
i treat people as intellectual equals, unless they do anything strikingly dumb, otherwise, i leave myself comfortable in my own knowledge.
i don't expect to have fortified my points successfully but i'm not one to take anything lying down
love love xx
Monday, December 15, 2008
We are all lead to believe that time is one of those certainties in life that we cant get around, and so no one tries. but if we were to, if we were to just let time slip away, and not take any notice of what time it is, or how much time things is taking, or planning stuff at certain times, then we would be free.
Until we can escape the grips of time, no one can truly say they are free.
I hate time, because it is so easy to just believe that there is no way of getting around it, and that it is impossible to get away from it. the tragedy is that we were born with the ideal of time itself. for there are indigenous tribes out there in the world that live as they are, and don't stress for any undefined meaning.
This also brings up the thing, of how the curiosity of the human race has steadily destroyed us as a society. our desire to know all there is, has left us in a rut of chaos and misery, and has made us so much more dependent on time.
A peaceful place, full of beauty and tranquility, away from curiosity and time.
That what i aspire for.
love love xx
(All thoughts in this post were collaborated by the discussion in the circle hole on the beach last night)
You Are My Longevity. You Are Aggregate To What I Hanker To Occur. You Are My Prospects, Envisages And Objectives. I Canonize You. I Idolize Your Bloom, Your Disposition And Your Luminosity. When I Gawk Your Cast, Abruptly Hansom Ashen Fowls Barrel In The Vicinity, A Prodigious Brass Troupe Foundations Enacting Its Pittances And Cartouches Detonate Omnipresently. I Would Peregrinate To The Terminals Of The Macrocosm, Merely To Bonanza You Your Monopoly Of Nonpareils And Predilections That You Solicit For. With Per Capita Exhalation I Accommodate, I Shall Cleave You Nigh To Me And Foster Your Intonation Repercussioning In My Tympanum. The Crepuscular Evenings Empyrean, And Its Polished Starlight Children, Nourish My Reveries Of Having You Each Original Diurnal Course I Subsist.I Prize You And Elect Your Gracious Matter Accompanying Me. I Treasure You, Nevermore Obliterate That. I Love You.
Inevitably proving every point i have concluded about my demeaning relatives and there tragically self apostatizing understanding of family.
The tasteful requital of a little girl scorned by her own forth comings, turns against the single person who outstandingly aided her, through the foray of her blindly cogent procreator's.
Therefore consorting the wrath of a cacophonous sire and his delusive endeavors to eradicate one sons drive, inviting it upon me.
This weekend was scintillating, exalting and notably unforgettable, I'd aspire to retain its essence imperishably, but it was dolefully dilapidated by the lamentable juncture of the attenuate reestablishment to my deteriorated shanty.
I exhibit disorientation in my intrinsic habitation, i am overwrought with the method of humanity encompassing me and I shall, in one term, surmise to affirm these kin erroneous.
Adulation Relish xx
Friday, December 12, 2008
This section takes place, before all the rest, its kind of the setting of hte idea of how Clara came into this world, and under what pretences, and such
She had brilliant, dark brown hair. Her eyes were a sharp blue and her skin was smooth and flawless, almost perfect. When she laughed, rooms stopped. Everyone knew her and loved her. She was kind, gentle and always had time for everyone. Formally, she was Joanne Danielle Veronica South, but those who know her just called her Jo, or the really close, Jojo.
Jo was a confident high school student, successfully passing all subjects at an above average standard. She was a well balanced popular student, with a busy social life and the most brilliant boyfriend she could ever have, Cody Shaw.
Cody was your typical perfect guy. He was handsom, gallant and constantly charming. Everyday he would make Jo feel like she had died and gone to heaven
'I could lose myself in those eyes' he would say, 'they just take my breath away.' Jo being a softy for the cheesey, would swoon at his words.
Jo and Cody were going steady for coming on 8 months, when they came to a stump. The cheesey had become chliches, the gallant had become expected and what made Cody handsom had just become features. They needed something more. Both Cody and Jo had made the decision that sex will not come about, through boredom, that it must be a special thing. For both of them were still virgins. So they needed something else, something new.
It was while Cody was scrumaging through his brothers belongings, that the answer came to them.
"You want us to try heroin"
"Sure, why not"
"Why not! Why not! because its dangerous, we dont know what might happen, and we could become addicted."
"Oh nah, dont be such a baby Jo, we need something new to keep this alive"
"Yeh, but i didnt mean heroin."
"Oh come on, whats the worst that could happen."
As if irony had answered the call, the worst did happen. Shortly after experimenting with the elicit drug, one of the 2 did get addicted. Even way after Cody and Jo parted ways, and school was over, Jo would still go searching down dark alleyways in search of another fix. In the end, due to her over powering dependancy to heroin, she lost all her credibility at her high school, she lost out on finishing school successful, and eventually just became someone else. Her hair was no longer brilliant, her eyes were a dull, pale blue and her skin was taught and rough. She no longer laughed, and was rarely kind or gentle, and now had no time for anyone, except for the dealers.
Years after finishing school, and living off whatever money the government would give her, she found herself tralling through the back streets of a prominantly black district, still searching for more of what she needed.
She had a friend, Rortisha, who she was trying to find. She wandered in to a club, music bumping, everyone dancing. She was so delirious she didnt even notice as a hoard of Neo Nazi White Supremacists came storming in, and shot up the place. She was hit over the head and knocked out.
She woke up. An undistiguishable face just infront of her veiw. She could feel the motions, as this unidentified man was having sex with her. She began to flail her arms and tried to scream. A gag across her mouth stopped her from making anymore than a steady groaing sound.
"I saved your life" the man announced. Jo groaned some more.
"Stop that," the man said, anger stitched amongst his voice,"if i hadnt said i would do this, they would have killed you, for being in the negro's club." A look of anguish came across his face, trying to plead to Jo, how necessary it was that it was happening.
"Stay quiet, i will be finished soon, I am truely sorry. Its just, you looked so peacefully beautiful, and i couldn't let you die." The man was still trusting into Jo, she could feel ever movement, as the sudden realisation, that this was how she lost her virginity. A tear travelled down her face, and the man wiped it away. He smiled.
"Its ok now, i've finished, you can go now." He let her go, with one final gasp. He put his finger to his lips, and gestured for her to be quiet. Seeing as the deed had been done, and the man in front of her was quite well built, she decided to follow his commands. Once he had removed the gag, he pointed to a doorway.
"You can leave out there. Dont bother trying to come back, because next time, you will be killed." He handed her a envelope with a letter inside, "Its so that you can get in contact with me, I'd love to see you again." He awkwardly smiled, and left out another door.
She quickly left out the gestured exit. She looked around at the out side, it was still night. It all just looked like an average street. She walked to where she thought the traffic would be. Looking down at the letter, she opened it. Inside was a small peice of paper, with 4 simple words. 'I Am Colin Farmer'.
It took her 7 weeks to discover she was pregnant.
atm it is at its basics, i just wanted to get down the story, and then i can work around it from there. so yeh
tell me what you think
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
by that, i mean what i have right now, all the shitty crappy dam fucked off emotions
all the shitty-ness of having a fight with the family
love love xx
Sunday, December 7, 2008
i am feeling rather sick, i may not be getting enough fluids, how sad
i felt the need to blog, and so here i am, as always, just typing away until an idea of someform pops into my head, or i bring up the necessary amount of knowledge and poignancy (lol) to start talking about anything that is getting to me
like the fact that when decorating our christmas tree, i decided to swear at my sister, because she was explaining to me how to place some beads, woot woot, shit house
i sing in the shower, like, all the time.
i've watched about 16 episodes of scrubs today, woo for me
i love drew barrymore, never been kissed, what a sweet movie, and i love drew barrymore
ah, channel ten and there random movie showings, hhhhmmmmm, so much jerry mcguire and back to the future
buts, i loves me a good drew barrymore
my computer is being rather shitty, as i speak it is signing me out of msn and stopping me from just moving back to the home page on myspace. this computer is so fucking shit, gah
aahh, and so it eventually decides to do something good with itself, hoorah
i am tired, and i honestly cant think of anything to talk about. well i could, but i dont really feel like it, i duno, mmm.
love love xx
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Like a strange unnecessary weight, that was not needed to be taken, has in undoubtedly been lifted.
i know that a select few people, should be able to know what i am talking about, seeing as it was such an eye openingly significant moment, and that they should feel overly privileged that i felt comfortable enough, and that i felt confident enough in our friendships to share those delicate pieces of life.
i did not feel like it was a necessity to have explain such intimate details of me, and i didn't feel this burning and gut wrenching confusion going on in my head all the time as to how and when i was ever going to say anything of the such, it was just one of those things. the conversation went in certain directions and i thought it was an appropriate time to just develop a little more.
i feel better, knowing that after letting go of some inside information, that i was neither shunned nor pitied, but rather a sense of deep and honorable respect was sent my way. which makes me feel overly proud of myself and the people i hold closest.
it is a such a genuine relief , and i am so happy and generally feel a lot better in my self.
love love xx
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I Feel Like All People Have To Say About Me, Is That I Am A Bad Person.
I Feel Like Everytime I Try To Be Better, The Moment I Do Anything, People Shall Judge Me.
I Feel Trapped In My Own Decisions.
I Feel Like People Have Not Cared Enough To Try To Look Further Into My Words, Than Its First Impression.
I Feel That People Ignore What Kinda Of Person I Am, And Try And Tell Me, I Am Something I Am Not.
This Is How I Feel.
If You have Wanted To Know, Then Here It Is. As Basic And As Un-Cryptically Said, As I Can Muster.
I Love You All.
But I Don't Feel Like People Care Enough, To Know What They Are Loving.
(If You Want To Find Out More, Explain To Me, What You Do And Don't Understand, And I Will Fill In The Blanks)
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
i watcheth myself way too much TV.
i am now in love with One Tree Hill, such an up beatly simple show, with many plot flaws that i dont really get, but alot of good characters, with easy to understand motives, and like just generally some good storylines
well, from what i've seen from the 8 episodes i watched today
there was a nice point made which i thought was interesting. about fighting for those who stay quiet, silent. it was cool, i thought, an interesting message, that when first explained by the characters on the show, i didnt quite understand, but then from what played out afterwards, it became quite clear.
see now, one of the main girl characters, had 'Dyke' spray painted across her locker, and everyone started treating her weirdly, and like, all this mumbo jumbo. there was this girl, who in later episodes it turns out she is Bi, but she explains to the one dubber a dyke, about being in her old school, and some rumour, and like stuff. but anyways
so this main character, who is called Peyton, she decides that instead of hiding away and being all like intreverted about it, she decides to spray paint 'Dyke' across one of her t-shirts and wears it to school
the principal tells her to take it off or leave the school, so she gets suspended, not after having a g\huge massive splerge of well written emotions.
the point i am trying to make, is this one of people like fighting for things and like themselves, and especially other people. because peyton clearly stated to the principal and the school, that she is not a dyke, but that it shouldnt really defer from the fact, that people are
it was cool, i thought
there was this other part of the show i liked, there was an episode, where they were making a video time capsule. and throughout the episode the main characters, the significant characters, all come along and say what they have to say, all making brilliant points about life and such
i just thought it would be a brilliant ideo to do something like that, just like talk to a camera, and record your feelings, but no body watch it, not until 50 years later, and everything is different
just a nice experiment to see how peoples ideas on stuff change and like yeh.
i am completely rambling away
i am honestly quite impressed with the intergrity and writing behind this show, its pretty cool.
i am still in a overly creative fever, but with like a super dooper writers block, and like i have the buzz but no power to keep it flowing, if you get what i mean
blogging helps me to just speak out, but i dont necessarily need to be creative to do it, so mmm. i duno. i have nothing to do tomoro, but i cant go to get my hair cut then, because my mum doesnt have any money to give me, so mm, thrusday or friday, hopefully, and my little marion buddy larissa, hopefully.
i duno, i am liking the idea of just going to marion, and just like doing shit all, and like, i guess talking lol. i duno, it makes me smile. especially since no one has been willing to take me up on my offer, and you seem to eager, but that might just be the fact of just doing something, but i duno. everyone else is tragicly overly busy to spend a minimum of like an hour and a hlaf with me in marion.
puts things in perspective sometimes. but eh
i do what i can for the people who let me try, but for those who keep there doors locked and windows shut, just their loss.
thats so overly petty and trivial. i dont do petty and trivial, i do outrageous and extravagant, lol.
i dont be grudge people doing other stuff with other people, that would be unfair of me. as bored and overly simple my times have been, its no one elses fault but my own, so i move on with my life.
ah, i am still rather a terrible person tho, but eh.
thats what i hold most closest to my heart
and thats how it shall stay, till i am forever lost of this world
if all else fails me, i keep my hope in my hand, everyday
and also, my optimistic and positive out look on life, and the way i can find the greatest part of any dreary and miserable thing that goes on.
i like polar bears
that is a fair enough statement
i am going to write a list of my goals and stuff, and like the things i want to do, just anything, like sing in the rain, or see a miracle, you know, the simple things
its to make my myspace complete, haha
i finished my about me
i think its alright
i shall probably end up changing it, cos i am a tempermental genius.
my imagination is coverted in the most brillaince of masterpeices
one day, the world shall understand ym genius more clearly
until then, i shall just have to be the modest intellectual
i'm sorry, i have not yet met a person i feel intellectually inferior to
one day, i hope i shall
but until then, i shall dwell in my most prized part of my personality.
we all need something we are happy with, andwith me, its my intellect
if you care to challenge me, then go a head
now, why would anyone want to do that, why would anyone wish to tear apart the most significant aspect of a person, what joys would they have in knowing, that they wish to tear down the complete and most honestly important aspect of someone. lol
i am rambling
because i can
i would love to be able to sing overly well, and like brilliantly, and be confident in knowing that i can. i thing to be able to sing, would be a magnificant thing to have. i dont know for certain of any singing talent i have. i know that i can hold a tune, but i dont know if my voice sounds right for singing, i duno if it would sound nice, mm
to honestly know that i could sing, would be a great thing, mmm
well i believe i can, to an extent, but i duno if it sounds nice and such, but yeh
i duno if anyone is still reaing this, i'm pretty sure, its probably gone past the insane level of just plain crap, but yeh
i just keep typing, typing away, til my hearts content
its how i do.
but i think i have gone on long enough
love love xx
Monday, December 1, 2008
I Am The New Sample Of Breed, Trying To Individualize Ones Self.
Be Myself, Yet Being Like Them.
Do What I Want, But Still Following A Trend.
Contusions Of Chaotic Contradictions And Anomalies.
I Grow Tired Of Relaxing.
I Was Born To Adventure.
A Story Should Be Written, Not Tales Of Tiresome And Lonely Exploits Of An Average And Basic Day.
Sweet And Adorable, Yet Terrible. Why Must The Unraveling Of The Tragedies Keep Coming.
The Universe Has Forsaken Me.
Dam That Which Controls But Not Lives Through.
The Moments When I Am Ripped Of This World, The World Shall Feel Its Own Pains.
I Love Those Who Don't Care What They Are Loving. But I Hate Breaking Their Hearts.
I Am Persistent.
A Promise Keeper.
I Can Be The Biggest Bitch You've Ever Seen.
I Shall Have To Be.
*Heart Pours On To Itself. The Shred Of Tears Rolling Down A Dry Cheek.*
Oh, The Madness.
Mmm, Well Anyways.
Love Love, To Those Who Need It.
P.S. Make A Wish, And I Shall Wish Along Too.
and i want to blog, but dont actually have the energy to blog anything interesting or worthwhile
i dont have a clue what to write about
i do have things i would and could write about, but i dont really have the words to describe it, or the energy to give it justice, you know
it would just be a shame if i did
larissa, if you want to, and you can come with me to marion, let me know asap, cos yeh, that would be cool
i am gonna leave you now
love love xx
thats means a new set of post thingos, wooo
i am bored, its nearly mid day, and i am still in my PJ's, lol
does anyone want to come to marion with me sometime in the week
cos i need to go down to get a hair cut and stuff
and dont want to go by me self
first day of december
that means 25 days til christmas
ok, love love xx
Friday, November 28, 2008
for thats what you wanted
hello there boopy
how are you doing
what are you up to
what is your favourite colour
favoutire holdaiy memory
funniest aunt or uncle
best christmas present
your lifes aspirations
favourite childrens names
answer all those questins as fu fillig as you can for me
a) to distract you
b) so i can know you better
and saw the history of the many deceptive nights
the collective of cigarettes dubbed out
i understand that my mother just couldn't do it
and that she was just protecting us
because she loves us
but i would find much more comfort in knowing
that because she loves us
she would have given up
and if she couldn't do it on her own
then let us help
instead, she gave up, and decided to hide it from us
i love my mum too much
i wanted to stay up, to watch some heroes
but my mummy said that she likes to spend the few hours before she goes to sleep, by herself
and that she wanted me to go to bed
i was upset, because i wanted to watch heroes
but i didn't protest
and so i went to bed
while in my bed things about everything, i had a sudden epiphany
OMG, we dont have the second season of Veronica Mars
i love that show
why dont we have the second season
so i decided to go out of my bedroom and just address the matter with my dear mother
i walked out in the living room, she wasnt about
i knew she was spending this time sorting washing, so i thought she might be out hanging it up
i stepped out to the back garden
and got the largest whiff of cigarette smoke
i looked around t see my mother sitting on some steps
a glass of wine in her hand and her faces turned away
she leant down
(i think maybe putting out her cigarette)
then turned to me
i decided to ignore the obvious and continued with explaing about the veronice mars thing.
now i have not seen my mother smoke in over 3 years
when we came to australia
she said she was going to give them up
and i believed that she would
i thought it abit difficult doing it cold turkey
but i thought, if anyone could do it, it would be my mother
she is the strongest person i know
and so when i stepped out side last night
and got the tragic whiff of what i thought had left my life
my heart just sank
not only was she doing it
but she was doing it in secret
every night when she said she likes to spend this time on her own
its because she wants to smoke
it hurts that she lies
i think last night she was scaredof getting caught, because hse tried to cover up
saying that she likes to come out side and get some fresh air
especailly on such a lovely night like last night
i wanted to just spitefully bite back and say
i cant smell any fresh air
but i didnt
i didnt let my mum know that i knew she had been there smoking
i'm pretty sure my dad probably knows
its just so
i dont like smoking
Thursday, November 27, 2008
- Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude
One small river of emotion
travels steadily down her face.
So yeh, i still feel like bloggin, but still have nothing to say
oh, i thought of another song title, that would go in my Doodle Pad album
its called 'Manipulative'
and it ironically appeared on the side of a building when we were trying home from marion and we were having a conversation about alex mcintoshs birthday
i was sitting there for ages while we waited in traffic, and i kept reading Manipulative on the side of this building, but it never sunk in what it said, and then as we were driving away, i was like, wait a minute, manipulative, and i found it silently hilarious how at that time, we had been talking about alex mcintosh
because he is a manipulative as it gets
dont get me wrong, i've been his friend for ages, but since the last time i saw him, well like properly spent a commendable amount of time with him, so much crap has been told, and i have realised so many different things, and its like, well now i just dont know how to be around him, and like i just yeh
i dont trust him
i just saw on the side of this build 'manipulative'
i dont understand why it was even on the side of this building, it just randomly was, and i just decded to jot it down, because i could easily make a song that fitted with that, and i have kinda the jist of what the song would be about, so yeh
its all cool
love you all muchly
ok, so what i would like people to please do for me
is to just tell me what you think of me, or describe me the best you can or something, or just like yeh
because i am doing up my myspace
and am wanting more to add, but need some help
and so yeh
if people could just give me a few nice things, then yeh
:P. but yeh.
i've been editing alot of picture, due to my strange creative buzz that i have got
so i am running out of things to say, because there isn't much left these days to talk about
school is over, so there isnt much happening, there, and so like, BAHH
hhmm, i have the desire to blog, but i dont actually have the thoughts to coincide with my desire, which is terrible, but true
honesty is nice sometimes, for people to be honest is occasionally, and more often than not, the better option, especially for those of you out there who are terrible liars, tut tut.
hhmm, moving on
i am growing wary of my undesirable lack of thoughts
i shall leave you all now
and hope that someone might be able to inspire me
oh wait one thing
people, i wish for you to tell me what you think of me
to help me with my myspace
i want people to tell me what they think of me and like how they would describe me and stuff
if people could help me with that, then that would be great
- The Village In The Mountain.
- The Cliche.
- Sunday Mournings.
- Insomnia And Thinking.
- Apple Crumble Surprise.
- Moono Highgii Cabba Feeded Tuvuttu.
- Beautiful Escape.
- Baby Face Charlie.
- My Story Gets Forgotten.
- Caravan Families.
- Sauver Le Monde.
- Souhaitent Sur Une Etoile.
- Visages Heureux.
- My Imagination.
- Watery Eyes.
- Growing Pains.
- Tulips In The Window.
- Raining Birthday Cards
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
To Challenge The Impossible. Thats What All My Goals Are Subject Too. Me Trying To Break Free.
To Hold Your Head Up High, When Everyone Is Looking Down On You. Thats The Person I Want To Be. Everyday.
Save The King, And Be Called A Hero. Save Everyone Else, And Be Called A Legend.
A Moment Can Last Forever, Or A Year Can Go By Like A Flash. Times A Bitch. So I'm Making The Most Of What I Have.
No Tragedy Comes Without Its Love. Find It. Stand Up To It.
To Believe In A Form Of Normality, Is To Be Condemned A Freak. To Relish In Our Differences Is To Experience Unique. Our Individuality Is A Gift.
We Were Given The Gift Of Free Will, And We Took Advantage Of It. To Have A Choice Over Anything That Goes On In Our Lives, Is To Have The Opportunity To Make It Better, But Instead We Took That, And Created Our Own Hells. We Have The Will To Make Things Right Again.
Armoured Cars And Traffic Jams. We Protect Ourselves From Everything Around Us, But We Still End Up Getting Stuck With Everyone Else Trying To Do The Same. An Explanation To My Strange Phrase.
My Anthem. Its The Song Of My Soul. If You'd Only Care To Listen.
First To Care. First To Help. First To Be Forgotten.
Condemned Out Of Spite. Personally I Would Prefer To Go To Hell, Knowing I Have Done All Good I Can, Rather Than Go To Heaven, All Because I Have Asked For Forgiveness At The End. So Out Of Pure Spite, I Hope To Be Condemned.
Stand Up, Be Counted. Hold A Freeze, Wait For The Crowd To Notice. Ultimatum, Sit Down.
Lonely Is A State Of Mind. To Be Surrounded By People Doesn't Make You Any Less Of A Singular In This World Of Fulls. Just Make The Most Of Who You Have, And When You Have Them.
Simple Truths Of Me
Monday, November 24, 2008
I Love My Friends, And Everthing Is Great, And So Woot Woot.
I Can Be Very Opinionated, And When I Believe That Something Is Right I Will Fight For It Until My Face Explodes, And I Have Been Known To Get Near Enough To.
I Like To Be Happy As Much As Is Humanly Possible, I Hate .Feeling Sad, So I Never Let Myself Feel Like It. Well, Not When People Are Around.
I Have Been Known To Hold All My Feelings In, And I Reckon That Is Pretty True. I Wont Open Up, Because I Don't Like Other People Having To Deal With What Is Going ON With Me, I Would Much Prefer To Sit Back And Try And Help Other People Rather Than Spend Time Talking About What Makes Me Feel Upset.!
I Spend A Lot Of Time Thinking. I Don't Necessarily Mean To, I Just Kinda, Do. I Find It Easy To Think About Stuff, And So I Come Up With Strange Analogies Of Stuff. If You Take It In, It Does Actually Make Sense
I Find It Better To Explain Things Through Metaphors Or Through Strange Connections Of Words. I Am An Irrational Person, So I Find It Hard To Explain Things Rationally. But I Do Try. Its Easier For ME To Write Things Down, Because I Have More Of A Chance To Think. I Often Stutter Or Say Like, If I Haven't Had The Chance To Think.
I Love My Family More. I Am Happy With My Friends More. I Am Myself More When I Am Alone. You Can Say I Am A Faker, Or You Can Say I Pretend, Or That I Put On Too Much Of A Mask. But At Least I Can See My Own Disguises, And See When I Am Pretending And Hiding. Its All To Save Myself From My Own Flaws. One Day I Wont Need To Be Alone To Feel Myself. Until Then, You Can Just Judge The Un Judgeable.
I Like It When People Listen To Me. Generally People Don't Seem To. They Hear That I Am Speaking, But Never Tend To Listen To What I Am Saying. People Tend To Not Realize How Smart I Can Really Be. They just Seem To Only Listen When I Am Saying The Stupid Things.
I Believe I Am Relatively Intellectual. HAHA, What Am I Saying, I Am Practically A Genius. My Mumsy Is The Person I Get Most Of My Smarts From, She Is The Smartest Woman I Know, And So It Has Rubbed Of Onto Me. I Cant Understand Sometimes How People Can Just Be So Stupid, LOL. People Like That Annoy Me, HAHA.
I Am An Empathetic Person. Not Often Sympathetic, LOL, But Empathetic. It Works For Me. I Can Understand The Feelings And Emotions And Stuff Behind People, But I Often Don't Feel Sympathetic, Because I Also Understand That There Are Billions Of People In The World Who Have It Worse, So Yeh. But I Do Like To Comfort And Help Out, As Much As I Can, But I Wont Give Them My Sympathy.
I Am Very Very Weird Sometimes. I Do Odd Things, Because Sometimes I Dont Really Think About It Laterally, I Just Do Things. Sometimes I Feel So Tangled Up In Some Form Of Feeling, That The Only Way Out Is Kinda By Doing Something That Some Would Class AS Weird OR Strange Or Odd Or Whatever. I AM Fine With That, And I Hope People Can Accept That Of Me Too.
I May Be Random, But There Is A Point.
To Be Continued ...
I Like To Be Incredibly Random And Spontaneous.!!
Some Of The Best Decisions I Make Are The Ones That Take No Time To Think Of.!!
I Want To Save The Wolrd.!!
I Want To Have The Greatest Adventure Imaginable.!!
Create your own Friend Test here
23 is significant in some way
ok, i'm being ridiculous
I Hand You All The Christmas Pineapple
well this is a stupid post
dam you all
i love you
my family are odd people
if you like pina colada
or more precisely
who we want to be
our aspiration and our dreams
our desires as human beings, and what we want to become
the future we wish to have
i have been thinking recently a lot about where i want to go with my life
and i think i have cracked the desires and dreams i wish to for fill and my aspirations of life
but as it seems, the things i wish in life are harder to get than you'd expect
so i wonder sometimes
should i push towards my dreams, irrelevant to how hard it might be to complete the
and when i think like that, i answer myself quite quickly
so thats what i am going to do, fight for the impossible
wish for the dream that others don't see
Dream Sequence 7
do you get it
ok well, anyways
i have had little human contact today
my mind has gone to my hands
i need to life a bit more humanly for the rest of the week
so i shall try my best to do more, rather than sit around all day, 'relaxing'
so anyways, i love those i love
i hate those i hate
i wish for the ones who wish for there own dreams
he is shocked to see nothing is around
his dreams already shattered
now his whole world is gone too
a young woman runs up to this rock
and is shocked to see a man, cowering behind it
her dream already begun
now she shall share it with this one too
his short black hair soaked by the rains
her long dazzling red hair shining around
his stuttery voice breaks the silence
her mind opens up, racing faster than ever
'who are you, whats has happened'
he asks, wiping is face of dirt
'my dreams have been answered dear
stranger, for now we are free'
he stands up, and looks at the girl
'but my dreams are dead, i have nothing'
she tilts her head to the side, confused
'you can still complete your dreams
we are free sir' she finishes, content
he stops and looks around, all is empty
she looks and him and puts out her hand
'come on, we have a whole world to explore'
-by Sam Lane
Sunday, November 23, 2008
i am serioulsy losing my braint train here
my thought process is dieing
i feel like bloggin
but i dont have anything to say
so i am just like, rambling til i come up with something
thats what i do
just ramble away and then coe up with something interesting to talk about
nothings really going on
i aint really emotional these days
nothing to be emotional about for me
i have lazed about here or gone out and had fun with friends
so its all looking up for me for now
i'm waiting for the shit to hit and fan and stuff
but for now i am sailing on by
hm, my 'I Am Clara' thing i think is pretty cool
it is an idea i have had for a while now, and i just started a sentence in my last blog and went with it
the story of Clara, is that in her lifetime she is going to go through a heck of alot of shit
and i mean, like, a cruel amount
and then at the end of the last chapter, i have this most beautifully poetic idea
but yes, a cruel amount of Raw pain and suffering
like her unnecessary rape
the pretence for her birth is she will be born an addict, straight away she will be a head case
lots of terrible ideas i have going on for this dear little girls life
her parents are nut jobs too
her mothers a drug addict, high on alot of stuff and her father is an out rageous Neo-Nazi
yay for dysfunctional
she will fall in love, she will have SO much pain in her life
its a terrible idea for a story
but i want to write it
i have the idea so perfect in my head
Clara is the western worlds pains all roled into one
she lives the life no one wants to live
its just so beautiful
and saddeningly terrible and tragic
i cant think of anything i think is worth talking about