Tuesday, December 30, 2008

A Man, A Plan, A Canal Panama

Its a palindrome.

Socrates once wrote 'In every one of us there are two ruling and directing principles, whose guidance we follow wherever they may lead; the one being an innate desire of pleasure; the other, an acquired judgment which aspires after excellence.'

Leonardo da Vinci once wrote 'Human subtlety...will never devise an invention more beautiful, more simple or more direct than does nature, because in her inventions nothing is lacking, and nothing is superfluous.'

Churchill once said 'What is the use of living, if it be not to strive for noble causes and to make this muddled world a better place for those who will live in it after we are gone?'

mm, I got bored.

Love Love xx

Monday, December 29, 2008

I Got Me A Cadillac, Cadillac Car

Had me self a grand day. Went shopping and all that, got some nice clothes and got me Dreamgirls Soundtrack album and so I am happy.

I love my dear friends.

Disappointing sunset, but quite amazing winds.

LOL. The sea or the rocks, strange.

Shame the Nate boy had to leave.

I'm just happy, have been since Christmas.

That's all because of the people I have been with.


Love Love xx

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Tracy Chapman Eat Your Heart Out

Well, Christmas is gone. But I am still on the best buzz ever, had the best 3 days. Christmas was just brilliant. Boxing day was packed with the most fun ever, and today is just the most brilliant of chill down days.

I shall elaborate later, I'm too distracted listening to all the songs i have downloaded and put on my new i-pod.

Oh, and Pink's new album is just awesome. As well as Snow Patrol's. Vantage Point is just a brilliantly made movie, I recommend it.

Love Love xx

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Sun Is Setting On The Day Before Christmas.

So the sun is setting. The shadows are getting longer. This day has gone by fast than i had expected. I am looking forward to tomorrow, it should be good. I sure hope everyone has a better Christmas than they expect. I wish you all a magnificent day tomorrow.

It won't be long now and all those little kids, that still believe in the old fat man and his antlered deers, will be scrummaging through a pile of neatly piled presents. The crumbs of left over cookies and an empty glass from the milk (or occasionally beer) they left for Santa and maybe even a carrot nub coarsely gnawed at. The parents looking pleasantly as the children find there desires nestled under their three.

There shall be those families, that might actually be divulging into some before hand present openings. Already there are parents watching over their child's face, as they light up with joy. But they shall still have their Christmas day, and all the more present shall be opened when they wake. As for now, they're just getting their taster of whats to come.

But sadly, even though there will be all this joy everywhere, there shall still be those homes and families, that don't quite have the celebratory Christmas. An argument may erupt, challenges may be met or just the basic chaos of having people in such close quarters. There are people, right now, questioning whether it is worth getting excited for this day, because they know, as far as history can state, that their Christmas will not run smoothly.

So I hope you all have a good Christmas, whether you believe you will or not. You all deserve at least one day this year, to just be unquestionably happy. I hope you all have enough hope to believe you shall.

Love Love xx

The Cutlery Draw

That's cool, that's cool.
I love it when people rant at me. When they have something to say, and they are honest. Of course what there saying likes incite and actual knowledge on me, but sure, they bring up some interesting points.

Hmm, I just found the most interesting Truthbox comment ever.

'I think i hate you. Your not as great as you think you are. You seem to fail at everything. Your not smart. You not academically smart, because you fail lots of your lessons. You cant be socially smart because you have no friends, and the ones that you do have you insult and say bad things too.You cant be smart through your logic, because your decisions are going to ruin your life, for example missing all of your lessons. Your only ability you can advertise is the fact that because you never have anyone to spend time with, you spend hours thinking of rediculas sentences in an attempt to make you appear smart. The truth is that i dont think anyone looks up too you. I think you should put down the dictionary'.

I find it certainly a bit harsh, and unnecessary. I could easily sit here and cut down on ever thing that is said about me, right here. But honestly, I'm just going to let this person believe they know me enough to judge me. I hold no grudges against people and there opinions. I'd just prefer people to be able to back it up.

Well, just thought I'd let you lot have a looksies.

Love Love xx

Welcome To The Distillery




Its 11 54, that means just over half a day til Christmas, wooo!

So yep. All I had to say.

Merry Christmas!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Sky Looked Purple Today

Been bored again today, but its been fine. Watched more TV. LOL. I am a sad case of a man, but oh well. Tomorrow, irrelevant to if i have anyone to go with me, i shall go out of my house and do something. Anything. LOL.

I have figured out that if I don't do something then I will be stuck in my house until Friday, meaning I would have tallied 9 days cooped up in my house. But things are looking up, and i may make it out of the house for Christmas Eve, at least.

Hmm. Well I had things I had thought about talking about, throughout the day, but they are gone. I guess I shall just have to revisit them another time.

Love Love xx

Monday, December 22, 2008


I am bored. LOL. Can't go out. Someone entertain me, LOL.

La La La

Love Love xx

Sunday, December 21, 2008

A Thing

'one day, i hope i shall'

That is the misunderstood section, of my most commonly quoted part of my 'Tear Stained Tuesdays' post.
That little phrase, is me telling people, that i don't believe i am intellectually superior to the world. I believe that i have a different kind of intelligence, and that in certain fields i would be better than most at, but i also conclude that so would most other people.
But what i am saying in in this quote, is that i hope i may meet the person, that is intelligent in just the same way as me, and knows what i mean when i talk, without me having to explain, and that they shall out shine me in what i know. i want to meet the person who knows what i know, understands what i have to say, but also knows just enough more, to make me gasp and be amazed. No one has yet read one of my posts, and decided to ask me a question about it, or tried to learn a little bit more about what i mean. I want to meet the person, that without asking or inviting, asks about me, and wishes to know, so that in the end, i can return the favor to the grandest of my ability.
I don't quite think that gave my meaning justice, but eh. I tried. That's all i can do.

I love all those who try.

I have been emotionally filled tonight. Now i am relaxed in my capacity. :)

Love Love xx


'I Am The New Sample Of Breed, Trying To Individualize Ones Self.

Be Myself, Yet Being Like Them.

Do What I Want, But Still Following A Trend.

Contusions Of Chaotic Contradictions And Anomalies

This is a direct quote from my 'I Am A Wall Flower' post.
I thought i would try to explain what i means, because its important to me.

By saying, 'I Am The New Sample Of Breed, Trying To Individualize Ones Self'. What i am saying, is that i am just another person, just like so many others, who is trying to be individual. 'Be Myself, Yet Being Like Them' . Is my understanding, that in trying to be individual, i am doing what so many others try to do, and that what i may do to be myself, and be individual, may just be the same kind of stuff that other people are doing. 'Do What I Want, But Still Following A Trend.' Is this same idea, that by trying to be what i wish, individual, i shall still just end up falling into the same stuff as other people. 'Contusions Of Chaotic Contradictions And Anomalies.' Is just my simple way of summing up how odd the whole thought was.

I'm just trying explain things people don't understand. So that people can't say i don't them enough. Lol.

Love Love xx

I'm Not A Sagittarius

I've been feeling a bit lonely lately. I have been stuck in my house since Wednesday, it being now Sunday, I am feeling a bit Claustrophobic. No one has asked me to do anything. No one has called. No one has stopped and thought about me enough to do anything. But its O.K., I have decided to not care anymore. I shall just have to live out some more of my holidays by myself, that's fine enough.

Its soon Christmas. I love Christmas, because that means, for one day, my whole family, all as one, gets to enjoy having a load of new things together. I thought about it. Realistically I could just wait, save up my money and buy myself these presents, but that's not the point and neither is it that my parents are getting me them, because they love me. No, the point is, is that for one day, as a family we all get to have some gifts. Its not one persons day, its everyone's. Its not one person coming home after a day at Marion, and showing everyone the amazing gift they had bought themselves. Its not about a persons birthday, or getting a treat because they have done well at school. It is simply a day, where no one is specifically anymore special than anyone else, but yet you can spend the day feeling ultimately pleased with the amount of joy and laughter that surrounds you.

I hate this house so much. I hate the fact that when i spend too much time in it, i end up spending the largest majority of that time, in the pantry. I get bored, and so i eat. Surprise surprise, that's how i believe i am the size i am. Its one of my faults. I know it, I own it. I try to change it, and it never works. It upsets me.

I am meant to be at Angela's party tonight. But since my ride fell through, I didn't end up going. Not that I couldn't go, its just i didn't feel like accepting the pity seat, where i needed to be squished in. I sometimes grow a large amount of dignity and self pride, and i was too pissed to loose it. I hold no grudge, I just feel rather let down. But that's nothing a simple trip to Marion, to buy me some clothes, couldn't fix. (hint hint)

I am now on a quota of 5 blogs. 'One Word' was a simple idea I came up with today, and I think it may work well. While '2009' will be pretty self explanatory one the 1st January. I have some new things i wish to try out, I hope they work.

Love Love xx

My new blog


have a look

its not much

Saturday, December 20, 2008

A Parade Of Visions

I've been satisfactorily bored all day. i didnt get out of me pj's til 4pm, i spent most of the day playing 'The Movies' on my computer and i have ate stuff.

Yesterday i watched alot of TV. I've been watching a lot of Sex and the City these holidays. hhmm

I saw the Season 4 Finale of One Tree Hill yesterday, that was pretty emotional, and then i flipped the channel, and put on Scrubs, and it was another season finale, and that was also quite emotional, well in the last few minutes. So within the space of 10 minutes are had watched 2 very gripping peices of TV. haha

I dont have much i feel like talking about, odd thoughts have came in and out of my head over the past 36 hours.

Its only 5 more sleeps till Christmas, WOO. I am excited.

My sister is still using the word 'retarded', and i am still telling her off about it. Damn brat.

i shall refined some on my points that i wish to mention on here, for a later date.

Love love xx

Friday, December 19, 2008

Thats A Huge Fly, Sitting On The Mesh

So this time next week, Christmas day will have come and gone. Ah, what a shame, i do love Christmas.
I have had the worst build up to Christmas ever this year. I didn't get to help decorate the tree, my parents had some huge rant at us because we went searching for our presents and found them, and just generally the mood around my house has been quite shit hole. But ah well.
Still doesn't change the fact that on Christmas morning, all what shall be forgotten, and for an hour or so, it will simply just be the watchings of our joyous faces, as we open our presents. yay.


i just looked at a lovely selection of pictures, of my sister, on her myspace. SIDE POUTS. she has moved on from the classic, whoreish move of just pouting, now she is doing the side pout, made famous by my dear hatred counterpart, Kelly, uregh. (i use too many commas)
I love me sister, but i continuously get scared by the numbers of stereotypically bimbo-esk pictures that she puts on her Myspace. She is only 12 years old, but she just screams 'FUTURE WHORE' all throughout her Myspace profile and pictures.
Ah, it saddens me to think, of all those bitchy little people, that lurk others myspaces, that will gaze over her Myspace, and just assume she is nothing more than a common garden variety Skank. :'(

:O, there was no Heroes on last night, man i was spewing, LOL. i know whats going to happen, but i would like to witness it myself. i hate channel 7, SO much. do we really need 2 episodes of Bones a week, when Heroes is pushed back to a 10 30 timeslot. whats with channels hating the shows i love. Dont get me started on what they did to Veronica Mars, effing shnitzel.

i spent an oddly large amount of my time, from going to bed, to getting to sleep, last night, thinking about death. A morbid topic, but i couldnt get it out of my head. i occasionally open my mind up to the queasey subject, the majority of times by complete accident. The thought just washes over me, that no matter what, one day, i shall be dead. That one day, i will know what happens once you die, and i have heard many people explain how they dont find it that bad of a subject to think about, but its just kind of one of those undefined certainties of life, and it just kind of opens up alot of other thoughts into my head.
i concluded many different things, including that i thought that there must be something more to us than just organs and liquids. i mean, if you think about it, where do atoms form opinions, where do chemical reactions generate creations, you know. its just so daunting. honestly i cant imagine just, stopping, forever. I am yet to feel confident in the idea, that after we die, we go to some special place like heaven, or for the rest of us, hell.
i have previously had many different ideas on what happens once we pass, but i know, that i will only know the answer, once i am dead. i just hope that this isnt all there is, that we live one life and then are stopped forever. i would wonder where my thoughts would go, and my memories and opinions and everything i had thought, where would that go. i am getting into a talk of saying that we have souls and that our bodies are just a solid host for our spirits. which i would feel comfortable in knowing, but feel it is flaw in some ways.
Ah k, well honestly i have no idea, and its all just basically to help my own fears of whats to come.

I love having a dessert before dinner.

i realised something to other day. all the connection i make with life and stuff, i can always seem to find an example from what i have watched on TV. that is truely because i watch way too much tv, lol. but yes, i make the connections all the time.


love love xx

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

My Myspace Blogs

Were not for you people. infact the point of them, was firstly, to clean up my myspace profile page, and secondly, to put forth to the people who cant even pretend that they know me, and give the idea that i can be smart and display things in a way, that does need more thinking for. It wasn't meant to be overly intellectual, i knew all the words i used before i looked them up, it was just making the choice to try out different words.

You don't know me well enough to make the decision that i cant be intelligent. i know its not what i am known for, my intelligence, but that's because i have never displayed my full extent, but whatever. i shall go back down to a level that makes people feel more comfortable, or to a level that shows what my usual way is, and just hold back on what i could give.

I may not be the greatest genius on this plant, but i sure wish i was.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


'I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.' - Albert Einstein

My exploration into the 'thesaurus' was merely an exercise to learn some more of what i don't know. An experiment in the art of sounding smarter.
I did not expect so many people to get so aggravated by me trying to improve myself, to enhance what i hold dear.

And to comment on my quoted blog section. I haven't felt like i have met anyone who i personally feel intellectually inferior to. I'm not saying i feel intellectually superior to anyone, its just i haven't met anyone, who has baffled me with the basic intellect. take that as you will.

i treat people as intellectual equals, unless they do anything strikingly dumb, otherwise, i leave myself comfortable in my own knowledge.

i don't expect to have fortified my points successfully but i'm not one to take anything lying down

love love xx

Monday, December 15, 2008

It Makes Sence, It Is Perfect English.

Amphibological Suppositions, Consequently, Perplexing Aftermath.

Amaurotic Paroxysm, Motivates Baffling Conglomerations Of Pandemonium.

The Prospective Is Austere And Dubiously Conjectural.

Adieu And I Love You.

I Hate Time

If we did not live in a society that believed time was a thing in life that we cant live without, then things would be better. If we did not have it pushed into us all the time, that time is something that we must live around, and deal with, then we would be better off.
We are all lead to believe that time is one of those certainties in life that we cant get around, and so no one tries. but if we were to, if we were to just let time slip away, and not take any notice of what time it is, or how much time things is taking, or planning stuff at certain times, then we would be free.

Until we can escape the grips of time, no one can truly say they are free.

I hate time, because it is so easy to just believe that there is no way of getting around it, and that it is impossible to get away from it. the tragedy is that we were born with the ideal of time itself. for there are indigenous tribes out there in the world that live as they are, and don't stress for any undefined meaning.
This also brings up the thing, of how the curiosity of the human race has steadily destroyed us as a society. our desire to know all there is, has left us in a rut of chaos and misery, and has made us so much more dependent on time.
A peaceful place, full of beauty and tranquility, away from curiosity and time.
That what i aspire for.

love love xx

(All thoughts in this post were collaborated by the discussion in the circle hole on the beach last night)

Simplicity Distorted

Dear One's Promise.
You Are My Longevity. You Are Aggregate To What I Hanker To Occur. You Are My Prospects, Envisages And Objectives. I Canonize You. I Idolize Your Bloom, Your Disposition And Your Luminosity. When I Gawk Your Cast, Abruptly Hansom Ashen Fowls Barrel In The Vicinity, A Prodigious Brass Troupe Foundations Enacting Its Pittances And Cartouches Detonate Omnipresently. I Would Peregrinate To The Terminals Of The Macrocosm, Merely To Bonanza You Your Monopoly Of Nonpareils And Predilections That You Solicit For. With Per Capita Exhalation I Accommodate, I Shall Cleave You Nigh To Me And Foster Your Intonation Repercussioning In My Tympanum. The Crepuscular Evenings Empyrean, And Its Polished Starlight Children, Nourish My Reveries Of Having You Each Original Diurnal Course I Subsist.I Prize You And Elect Your Gracious Matter Accompanying Me. I Treasure You, Nevermore Obliterate That. I Love You.
Sam xx

A Look At Life

An untarnishedly resplendent weekend, fordone by the 2 most impractically autocratic, bantam acquiescent and complaisantly/pregnantly hypocritical and perceptively unjust members of my family.

Inevitably proving every point i have concluded about my demeaning relatives and there tragically self apostatizing understanding of family.

The tasteful requital of a little girl scorned by her own forth comings, turns against the single person who outstandingly aided her, through the foray of her blindly cogent procreator's.

Therefore consorting the wrath of a cacophonous sire and his delusive endeavors to eradicate one sons drive, inviting it upon me.

This weekend was scintillating, exalting and notably unforgettable, I'd aspire to retain its essence imperishably, but it was dolefully dilapidated by the lamentable juncture of the attenuate reestablishment to my deteriorated shanty.

I exhibit disorientation in my intrinsic habitation, i am overwrought with the method of humanity encompassing me and I shall, in one term, surmise to affirm these kin erroneous.

Adulation Relish xx

Friday, December 12, 2008

I Am Clara Unfinished Prologue

Ok. i so i typed out all this, in one sitting, i have not edited any of it since i wrote it, and this is certainly not a final copy, so yeh. i just thought i would let you people have a read of it, see if any of you understand the story.

This section takes place, before all the rest, its kind of the setting of hte idea of how Clara came into this world, and under what pretences, and such

She had brilliant, dark brown hair. Her eyes were a sharp blue and her skin was smooth and flawless, almost perfect. When she laughed, rooms stopped. Everyone knew her and loved her. She was kind, gentle and always had time for everyone. Formally, she was Joanne Danielle Veronica South, but those who know her just called her Jo, or the really close, Jojo.

Jo was a confident high school student, successfully passing all subjects at an above average standard. She was a well balanced popular student, with a busy social life and the most brilliant boyfriend she could ever have, Cody Shaw.

Cody was your typical perfect guy. He was handsom, gallant and constantly charming. Everyday he would make Jo feel like she had died and gone to heaven

'I could lose myself in those eyes' he would say, 'they just take my breath away.' Jo being a softy for the cheesey, would swoon at his words.

Jo and Cody were going steady for coming on 8 months, when they came to a stump. The cheesey had become chliches, the gallant had become expected and what made Cody handsom had just become features. They needed something more. Both Cody and Jo had made the decision that sex will not come about, through boredom, that it must be a special thing. For both of them were still virgins. So they needed something else, something new.

It was while Cody was scrumaging through his brothers belongings, that the answer came to them.
"You want us to try heroin"
"Sure, why not"
"Why not! Why not! because its dangerous, we dont know what might happen, and we could become addicted."
"Oh nah, dont be such a baby Jo, we need something new to keep this alive"
"Yeh, but i didnt mean heroin."
"Oh come on, whats the worst that could happen."

As if irony had answered the call, the worst did happen. Shortly after experimenting with the elicit drug, one of the 2 did get addicted. Even way after Cody and Jo parted ways, and school was over, Jo would still go searching down dark alleyways in search of another fix. In the end, due to her over powering dependancy to heroin, she lost all her credibility at her high school, she lost out on finishing school successful, and eventually just became someone else. Her hair was no longer brilliant, her eyes were a dull, pale blue and her skin was taught and rough. She no longer laughed, and was rarely kind or gentle, and now had no time for anyone, except for the dealers.

Years after finishing school, and living off whatever money the government would give her, she found herself tralling through the back streets of a prominantly black district, still searching for more of what she needed.

She had a friend, Rortisha, who she was trying to find. She wandered in to a club, music bumping, everyone dancing. She was so delirious she didnt even notice as a hoard of Neo Nazi White Supremacists came storming in, and shot up the place. She was hit over the head and knocked out.

She woke up. An undistiguishable face just infront of her veiw. She could feel the motions, as this unidentified man was having sex with her. She began to flail her arms and tried to scream. A gag across her mouth stopped her from making anymore than a steady groaing sound.
"I saved your life" the man announced. Jo groaned some more.
"Stop that," the man said, anger stitched amongst his voice,"if i hadnt said i would do this, they would have killed you, for being in the negro's club." A look of anguish came across his face, trying to plead to Jo, how necessary it was that it was happening.
"Stay quiet, i will be finished soon, I am truely sorry. Its just, you looked so peacefully beautiful, and i couldn't let you die." The man was still trusting into Jo, she could feel ever movement, as the sudden realisation, that this was how she lost her virginity. A tear travelled down her face, and the man wiped it away. He smiled.
"Its ok now, i've finished, you can go now." He let her go, with one final gasp. He put his finger to his lips, and gestured for her to be quiet. Seeing as the deed had been done, and the man in front of her was quite well built, she decided to follow his commands. Once he had removed the gag, he pointed to a doorway.
"You can leave out there. Dont bother trying to come back, because next time, you will be killed." He handed her a envelope with a letter inside, "Its so that you can get in contact with me, I'd love to see you again." He awkwardly smiled, and left out another door.

She quickly left out the gestured exit. She looked around at the out side, it was still night. It all just looked like an average street. She walked to where she thought the traffic would be. Looking down at the letter, she opened it. Inside was a small peice of paper, with 4 simple words. 'I Am Colin Farmer'.

It took her 7 weeks to discover she was pregnant.

atm it is at its basics, i just wanted to get down the story, and then i can work around it from there. so yeh
tell me what you think

I Am Clara

This is another one i made, tell me what you think

Thursday, December 11, 2008

i got til sunday

i got in some hugeish fight with my dad, and he has given me til sunday to find a new place to stay


i would explain the story, but i really dont feel in the mood for reminising

love love xx

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Getting Rid OF My Block

Ok, so to get me in the writing mood, i have designed 2 front cover thingos for my story 'I Am Clara'

People, tell me which one you like the best

thank you

love love xx

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Unhappy, but comforatble

i got all c's except one d for my report

i aint happy with it, but i am comfortable since i passed



Monday, December 8, 2008

BTW, everyone

Eventyr is finnish or norwegian for adventure


just thought i would let yous know

love love xx

Floating Dreams & Satelitte Pictures

i cant wait for the future, cos it will bring things better than what i have right now

by that, i mean what i have right now, all the shitty crappy dam fucked off emotions

all the shitty-ness of having a fight with the family

and gah

so mmm

love love xx

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Pine Tree Parade

I Love Christmas

i am feeling rather sick, i may not be getting enough fluids, how sad


i felt the need to blog, and so here i am, as always, just typing away until an idea of someform pops into my head, or i bring up the necessary amount of knowledge and poignancy (lol) to start talking about anything that is getting to me

like the fact that when decorating our christmas tree, i decided to swear at my sister, because she was explaining to me how to place some beads, woot woot, shit house

i sing in the shower, like, all the time.

i've watched about 16 episodes of scrubs today, woo for me

i love drew barrymore, never been kissed, what a sweet movie, and i love drew barrymore


ah, channel ten and there random movie showings, hhhhmmmmm, so much jerry mcguire and back to the future

buts, i loves me a good drew barrymore


my computer is being rather shitty, as i speak it is signing me out of msn and stopping me from just moving back to the home page on myspace. this computer is so fucking shit, gah

aahh, and so it eventually decides to do something good with itself, hoorah


i am tired, and i honestly cant think of anything to talk about. well i could, but i dont really feel like it, i duno, mmm.

love love xx

Saturday, December 6, 2008

I Feel ...


Like a strange unnecessary weight, that was not needed to be taken, has in undoubtedly been lifted.

i duno.

i know that a select few people, should be able to know what i am talking about, seeing as it was such an eye openingly significant moment, and that they should feel overly privileged that i felt comfortable enough, and that i felt confident enough in our friendships to share those delicate pieces of life.

i did not feel like it was a necessity to have explain such intimate details of me, and i didn't feel this burning and gut wrenching confusion going on in my head all the time as to how and when i was ever going to say anything of the such, it was just one of those things. the conversation went in certain directions and i thought it was an appropriate time to just develop a little more.

i feel better, knowing that after letting go of some inside information, that i was neither shunned nor pitied, but rather a sense of deep and honorable respect was sent my way. which makes me feel overly proud of myself and the people i hold closest.

it is a such a genuine relief , and i am so happy and generally feel a lot better in my self.

love love xx

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Plain And Simple

I Am Feeling Lost.

I Feel Like All People Have To Say About Me, Is That I Am A Bad Person.

I Feel Like Everytime I Try To Be Better, The Moment I Do Anything, People Shall Judge Me.

I Feel Trapped In My Own Decisions.

I Feel Like People Have Not Cared Enough To Try To Look Further Into My Words, Than Its First Impression.

I Feel That People Ignore What Kinda Of Person I Am, And Try And Tell Me, I Am Something I Am Not.

This Is How I Feel.

If You have Wanted To Know, Then Here It Is. As Basic And As Un-Cryptically Said, As I Can Muster.

I Love You All.

But I Don't Feel Like People Care Enough, To Know What They Are Loving.

(If You Want To Find Out More, Explain To Me, What You Do And Don't Understand, And I Will Fill In The Blanks)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Tear Stained Tuesdays

Today was overly boring and, pompously and annoyingly thwart with a mixture of emotions.

i watcheth myself way too much TV.

i am now in love with One Tree Hill, such an up beatly simple show, with many plot flaws that i dont really get, but alot of good characters, with easy to understand motives, and like just generally some good storylines

well, from what i've seen from the 8 episodes i watched today


there was a nice point made which i thought was interesting. about fighting for those who stay quiet, silent. it was cool, i thought, an interesting message, that when first explained by the characters on the show, i didnt quite understand, but then from what played out afterwards, it became quite clear.

see now, one of the main girl characters, had 'Dyke' spray painted across her locker, and everyone started treating her weirdly, and like, all this mumbo jumbo. there was this girl, who in later episodes it turns out she is Bi, but she explains to the one dubber a dyke, about being in her old school, and some rumour, and like stuff. but anyways

so this main character, who is called Peyton, she decides that instead of hiding away and being all like intreverted about it, she decides to spray paint 'Dyke' across one of her t-shirts and wears it to school

the principal tells her to take it off or leave the school, so she gets suspended, not after having a g\huge massive splerge of well written emotions.

the point i am trying to make, is this one of people like fighting for things and like themselves, and especially other people. because peyton clearly stated to the principal and the school, that she is not a dyke, but that it shouldnt really defer from the fact, that people are

it was cool, i thought

there was this other part of the show i liked, there was an episode, where they were making a video time capsule. and throughout the episode the main characters, the significant characters, all come along and say what they have to say, all making brilliant points about life and such

i just thought it would be a brilliant ideo to do something like that, just like talk to a camera, and record your feelings, but no body watch it, not until 50 years later, and everything is different

just a nice experiment to see how peoples ideas on stuff change and like yeh.

i am completely rambling away

i am honestly quite impressed with the intergrity and writing behind this show, its pretty cool.



i am still in a overly creative fever, but with like a super dooper writers block, and like i have the buzz but no power to keep it flowing, if you get what i mean


blogging helps me to just speak out, but i dont necessarily need to be creative to do it, so mmm. i duno. i have nothing to do tomoro, but i cant go to get my hair cut then, because my mum doesnt have any money to give me, so mm, thrusday or friday, hopefully, and my little marion buddy larissa, hopefully.

i duno, i am liking the idea of just going to marion, and just like doing shit all, and like, i guess talking lol. i duno, it makes me smile. especially since no one has been willing to take me up on my offer, and you seem to eager, but that might just be the fact of just doing something, but i duno. everyone else is tragicly overly busy to spend a minimum of like an hour and a hlaf with me in marion.

puts things in perspective sometimes. but eh

i do what i can for the people who let me try, but for those who keep there doors locked and windows shut, just their loss.


thats so overly petty and trivial. i dont do petty and trivial, i do outrageous and extravagant, lol.

i dont be grudge people doing other stuff with other people, that would be unfair of me. as bored and overly simple my times have been, its no one elses fault but my own, so i move on with my life.

so yes

ah, i am still rather a terrible person tho, but eh.

i duno


thats what i hold most closest to my heart

and thats how it shall stay, till i am forever lost of this world


if all else fails me, i keep my hope in my hand, everyday

and also, my optimistic and positive out look on life, and the way i can find the greatest part of any dreary and miserable thing that goes on.


i like polar bears

that is a fair enough statement


i am going to write a list of my goals and stuff, and like the things i want to do, just anything, like sing in the rain, or see a miracle, you know, the simple things


but yeh

its to make my myspace complete, haha

i finished my about me

i think its alright

i shall probably end up changing it, cos i am a tempermental genius.


but yesums

my imagination is coverted in the most brillaince of masterpeices

one day, the world shall understand ym genius more clearly

until then, i shall just have to be the modest intellectual


i'm sorry, i have not yet met a person i feel intellectually inferior to

one day, i hope i shall

but until then, i shall dwell in my most prized part of my personality.

we all need something we are happy with, andwith me, its my intellect

if you care to challenge me, then go a head



now, why would anyone want to do that, why would anyone wish to tear apart the most significant aspect of a person, what joys would they have in knowing, that they wish to tear down the complete and most honestly important aspect of someone. lol

i am rambling

because i can

but yes

i would love to be able to sing overly well, and like brilliantly, and be confident in knowing that i can. i thing to be able to sing, would be a magnificant thing to have. i dont know for certain of any singing talent i have. i know that i can hold a tune, but i dont know if my voice sounds right for singing, i duno if it would sound nice, mm

to honestly know that i could sing, would be a great thing, mmm

well i believe i can, to an extent, but i duno if it sounds nice and such, but yeh


i duno if anyone is still reaing this, i'm pretty sure, its probably gone past the insane level of just plain crap, but yeh

i just keep typing, typing away, til my hearts content

its how i do.


but i think i have gone on long enough


love love xx

Monday, December 1, 2008

I Am A Wall Flower ..

.. not the prettiest, but you'll see.


I Am The New Sample Of Breed, Trying To Individualize Ones Self.

Be Myself, Yet Being Like Them.

Do What I Want, But Still Following A Trend.

Contusions Of Chaotic Contradictions And Anomalies.

Moving Onwards.

I Grow Tired Of Relaxing.

I Was Born To Adventure.

A Story Should Be Written, Not Tales Of Tiresome And Lonely Exploits Of An Average And Basic Day.


Sweet And Adorable, Yet Terrible. Why Must The Unraveling Of The Tragedies Keep Coming.

The Universe Has Forsaken Me.

Dam That Which Controls But Not Lives Through.

The Moments When I Am Ripped Of This World, The World Shall Feel Its Own Pains.



I Love Those Who Don't Care What They Are Loving. But I Hate Breaking Their Hearts.

Double Meaning.

I Am Persistent.

A Promise Keeper.

I Can Be The Biggest Bitch You've Ever Seen.

I Shall Have To Be.

Doom. Shakalaka.

*Heart Pours On To Itself. The Shred Of Tears Rolling Down A Dry Cheek.*

Oh, The Madness.

Mmm, Well Anyways.

Love Love, To Those Who Need It.


P.S. Make A Wish, And I Shall Wish Along Too.


i am bored out of my mind

and i want to blog, but dont actually have the energy to blog anything interesting or worthwhile

so yeh

i dont have a clue what to write about

i do have things i would and could write about, but i dont really have the words to describe it, or the energy to give it justice, you know
it would just be a shame if i did

so yeh

larissa, if you want to, and you can come with me to marion, let me know asap, cos yeh, that would be cool


but yeh

i am gonna leave you now

love love xx

Pinch, Punch

Its December Everyone

thats means a new set of post thingos, wooo


i am bored, its nearly mid day, and i am still in my PJ's, lol


does anyone want to come to marion with me sometime in the week

cos i need to go down to get a hair cut and stuff

and dont want to go by me self


but yes


first day of december

that means 25 days til christmas

oh god

holy mcfuckshitelsticksandraindrops


ok, love love xx

Friday, November 28, 2008


i wish to make a distraction

for thats what you wanted

hello there boopy



how are you doing

what are you up to

what is your favourite colour

favourite animla

favoutire holdaiy memory

funniest aunt or uncle

best christmas present

your lifes aspirations

dream job

favourite childrens names

dream house

dream holiday

answer all those questins as fu fillig as you can for me

a) to distract you
b) so i can know you better

I Found The Ash Stains On The Floor.

i went out side, to look at where my mum was sitting last night

and saw the history of the many deceptive nights

the collective of cigarettes dubbed out

i understand that my mother just couldn't do it

and that she was just protecting us

because she loves us

but i would find much more comfort in knowing

that because she loves us

she would have given up

and if she couldn't do it on her own

then let us help

instead, she gave up, and decided to hide it from us


i love my mum too much


Tragic Nightmare

so last night, i was sent to bed by my mother, at about 10 15

i wanted to stay up, to watch some heroes

but my mummy said that she likes to spend the few hours before she goes to sleep, by herself

and that she wanted me to go to bed

i was upset, because i wanted to watch heroes

but i didn't protest

and so i went to bed

while in my bed things about everything, i had a sudden epiphany

OMG, we dont have the second season of Veronica Mars

i love that show

why dont we have the second season

so i decided to go out of my bedroom and just address the matter with my dear mother

i walked out in the living room, she wasnt about

i knew she was spending this time sorting washing, so i thought she might be out hanging it up

i stepped out to the back garden

and got the largest whiff of cigarette smoke

i looked around t see my mother sitting on some steps

a glass of wine in her hand and her faces turned away

she leant down

did something

(i think maybe putting out her cigarette)

then turned to me

i decided to ignore the obvious and continued with explaing about the veronice mars thing.

now i have not seen my mother smoke in over 3 years

when we came to australia

she said she was going to give them up

and i believed that she would

i thought it abit difficult doing it cold turkey

but i thought, if anyone could do it, it would be my mother

she is the strongest person i know

and so when i stepped out side last night

and got the tragic whiff of what i thought had left my life

my heart just sank

not only was she doing it

but she was doing it in secret

every night when she said she likes to spend this time on her own

its because she wants to smoke

it hurts that she lies

i think last night she was scaredof getting caught, because hse tried to cover up

saying that she likes to come out side and get some fresh air

especailly on such a lovely night like last night

i wanted to just spitefully bite back and say

i cant smell any fresh air

but i didnt

i didnt let my mum know that i knew she had been there smoking

i'm pretty sure my dad probably knows

its just so


i dont like smoking

and mm


The Captcha Trend


I started it everyone

naming the capthca word when you comment people, who annoyingly seem to have left the captcha thingo for people


and now every body is doig it

and i started it yo

cracker woop

Thursday, November 27, 2008

My Favourite Quote On Friendship

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. :)

A Tear.

One small river of emotion
travels steadily down her face.

Yep, i thought it sounded pretty.
So yeh, i still feel like bloggin, but still have nothing to say

oh, i thought of another song title, that would go in my Doodle Pad album

its called 'Manipulative'

and it ironically appeared on the side of a building when we were trying home from marion and we were having a conversation about alex mcintoshs birthday

i was sitting there for ages while we waited in traffic, and i kept reading Manipulative on the side of this building, but it never sunk in what it said, and then as we were driving away, i was like, wait a minute, manipulative, and i found it silently hilarious how at that time, we had been talking about alex mcintosh

because he is a manipulative as it gets

dam jackass

dont get me wrong, i've been his friend for ages, but since the last time i saw him, well like properly spent a commendable amount of time with him, so much crap has been told, and i have realised so many different things, and its like, well now i just dont know how to be around him, and like i just yeh

i dont trust him

simple as

but yeh

i just saw on the side of this build 'manipulative'

i dont understand why it was even on the side of this building, it just randomly was, and i just decded to jot it down, because i could easily make a song that fitted with that, and i have kinda the jist of what the song would be about, so yeh

its all cool

hhmm, well

love you all muchly


Help Moi, Please

Ok, since i believe that most people will not reach the end of my last post, and so therefore will not actually do what i hope people will. i am going to just ask again

ok, so what i would like people to please do for me

is to just tell me what you think of me, or describe me the best you can or something, or just like yeh

because i am doing up my myspace

and am wanting more to add, but need some help

and so yeh

if people could just give me a few nice things, then yeh

Thank You


Red Static

So yeh, i am bored, and decided to blog a little bit. HAHA, i also decided to randomly add a picture to my post, because, well, i can.

:P. but yeh.

i've been editing alot of picture, due to my strange creative buzz that i have got


so i am running out of things to say, because there isn't much left these days to talk about

school is over, so there isnt much happening, there, and so like, BAHH

hhmm, i have the desire to blog, but i dont actually have the thoughts to coincide with my desire, which is terrible, but true

honesty is nice sometimes, for people to be honest is occasionally, and more often than not, the better option, especially for those of you out there who are terrible liars, tut tut.

hhmm, moving on

i am growing wary of my undesirable lack of thoughts

i shall leave you all now

and hope that someone might be able to inspire me


oh wait one thing

people, i wish for you to tell me what you think of me
to help me with my myspace

i want people to tell me what they think of me and like how they would describe me and stuff
because yeh

if people could help me with that, then that would be great



I Do Not Like ...

Lady Fucking Gaga

The manish crappy whore of a singer can go die in the whore 'W'hole

dam crap

Ramblings Of A Mad Man!!!

So yeh. i am in a state of boredom that can only be a surpassed by unnaturally long blogs and a testiment of random phrases and words that i feel hold a sense of deep and thought to them but otherwise just look like the strange insecent nonsense of an ex british man.


that otherwise means, that a odd as i may be sounding in the next few hundered words, i will in the end form some form of meaning while i type

because thats what i do, and how i work. yep

so, i am at school, even tho i dont need to be, and i am sitting in the mac lab. an odd place, with an stimulating number of overly extraverted and unnaturally loud performing arts students, all trying there best to express there loves and lives wishes as if people are actually listening.

it is a steady place full of the motions and movements of mood, and its a totally mellow and majestic place to just be around, snaps for macs.

a turret of annoying kids smashing the keyboards, tho, makes me want to rip of the heads of ever single little kid that enters, and feed then to the giant up the beanstalk, laugh in there faces while peadophile rapist molest there decaying corpses and i sit back with a nice banana milkshake and s large stock of tim tams and write away my memoirs


certainly would be a thrill

so moving forwardly, i address the matter, of the international WHORES associtation. the admitted leader, being the dear Nathan, who coincidently is sitting directly behind moi. i must make a gargantuan plea,. please stop with the random sexing, the skimpy and revealing lycra golden lion suits and the necessity to display you breaticles on the net, thank you and good night dear mistresses of the night and just plain classic desperate floosy who wish to give up themselves and leave there social lives in a mess as everyone just assumed that they are pregnant and or, dieing of AIDs, you know who you are

die in the whore hole you were born in

wow, i feel better now

got that one off my chest

so, how is everyone? rhetorical question, because by the time you answer that i will have given up caring

the next step in my ramblings, shall take us to japan, and then steadily flick us across to thailand, where we shall eventually find ourselves in the mac labs once again.

that was fun, and filled with the necessary in jokes hat will survive longer than an american knock off series airing in australia, by that i am talking about the short lived life of the american version of Kath and Kim, woot woot to them, fuckers

its tragic aint it, very tragic in deed

the lives and turmoils of the shit

and it must end, soon, i must be rid, but how and when is uncertain, but it shall be done, promises have been met and fulfilling them shall be a necessity in my life that i must undertake


i do talk a lot of shit dont i


didgeri fukcing doo

ah, good times, good times, yayas

ok, so i duno what to talk about now

i still have my train of thoughts, its just not everything is desired to be put onto the net, for all to read, mmmmm


Mr. E is a nice man, a fun man, the best neighbour a mind can make up, yep

THREEDOM. i have thought of a cool thing for what that is all about, like i actually made up some strange cheesy meaning, and once i have probably got it written down and i have probably felt it defined, then i will let you take a look at what its all about.


'I Am Clara', my super book, that will be a classic, haha, it could, and i will make it one, the story is perfect, as long as i get the words right and actually write it well, then it shall be good

my songs will all be awesome

Doodle Pad is awesomeness , i love it with quite a lot of me, yayas


hay McGlasses and McDrums, cos i assume you shall be reading this. i just wanted to verify something. that i just dont get what you want me to talk to you about, so hmm. my blog is my way of talking to myself, thats what i see it as. mmm

Chaos theory takes control and generates the practical on me


so yeh

i have more that i thought i was going to say, but am now steadily dieing

so i will wish you all a lovely life and be back later


The Cowardly Lion

OMG, poor thing

ah its terrible

oh god

just makes things worse and harder



Tulips In The Window.

Through A Frost Glazed Window.
I Watch The Snow Fall.
As Life Keeps On Going By.
Three Tulips Grow By The Wall.

I was singing in the shower today. i was proud of myself. I was impressive, :P. 

Oh, i have a few more albums and song titles to add to the mix



  1. The Village In The Mountain.
  2. The Cliche.
  3. Alibi.
  4. Sunday Mournings.
  5. Insomnia And Thinking.
  6. Apple Crumble Surprise.
  7. Finale.
  8. Moono Highgii Cabba Feeded Tuvuttu.
  9. Beautiful Escape.
  10. Baby Face Charlie.
  11. My Story Gets Forgotten.
  12. Cock-a-doodle-doo.
  13. Caravan Families.
French Weddings (Incomplete):

  1. Sauver Le Monde.
  2. Souhaitent Sur Une Etoile.
  3. Visages Heureux.
Doodle Pad (Incomplete):

  1. My Imagination.
  2. Watery Eyes.
  3. Growing Pains.
  4. Tulips In The Window.
  5. Autumn.
  6. Mr.E.
  7. Raining Birthday Cards

Yes, my song titles have steadily got less random, but i think my favorite so far Is 'Doodle Pad', its just brilliance and i love it to bits, and the songs are better thought out and have a more personal meaning and like, i love it and everything is better

i have been in a crazily creative mood all week, and its kinda fun, and i like it. I'm still as undefined as ever, but you know, things are getting better, and i am having fun with things

i am actually good. not fine or alright or pretty good, but right now, at this moment right here, i feel good

i can feel the need to be fine and/or just pretty good, but thats due to actions that should happen, but cant be certain to happen, but yes

All is splendid

and i am going to stop blogging now, cos other things to do


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Abit Fucked Off Now

i just deleted most of my old profile, and i wanted to keep most of it, just because it was ncie



My Old Myspace Profile Information - Continued

Just A Shoebox Full Of Paranoia & Paradise. My Mind. If You Can Understand That, Then You Understand Me.

To Challenge The Impossible. Thats What All My Goals Are Subject Too. Me Trying To Break Free.

To Hold Your Head Up High, When Everyone Is Looking Down On You. Thats The Person I Want To Be. Everyday.

Save The King, And Be Called A Hero. Save Everyone Else, And Be Called A Legend.

A Moment Can Last Forever, Or A Year Can Go By Like A Flash. Times A Bitch. So I'm Making The Most Of What I Have.

No Tragedy Comes Without Its Love. Find It. Stand Up To It.

To Believe In A Form Of Normality, Is To Be Condemned A Freak. To Relish In Our Differences Is To Experience Unique. Our Individuality Is A Gift.

We Were Given The Gift Of Free Will, And We Took Advantage Of It. To Have A Choice Over Anything That Goes On In Our Lives, Is To Have The Opportunity To Make It Better, But Instead We Took That, And Created Our Own Hells. We Have The Will To Make Things Right Again.

Armoured Cars And Traffic Jams. We Protect Ourselves From Everything Around Us, But We Still End Up Getting Stuck With Everyone Else Trying To Do The Same. An Explanation To My Strange Phrase.

My Anthem. Its The Song Of My Soul. If You'd Only Care To Listen.

First To Care. First To Help. First To Be Forgotten.

Condemned Out Of Spite. Personally I Would Prefer To Go To Hell, Knowing I Have Done All Good I Can, Rather Than Go To Heaven, All Because I Have Asked For Forgiveness At The End. So Out Of Pure Spite, I Hope To Be Condemned.

Stand Up, Be Counted. Hold A Freeze, Wait For The Crowd To Notice. Ultimatum, Sit Down.

Lonely Is A State Of Mind. To Be Surrounded By People Doesn't Make You Any Less Of A Singular In This World Of Fulls. Just Make The Most Of Who You Have, And When You Have Them.

Simple Truths Of Me


Monday, November 24, 2008

My Old Myspace Profile Information

Hi, My Name Is Sam, And I Live In Adelaide. I Used To Live In England Until 2005, When I Moved Out Here To Australia. I Am Now Having The Best Time Of My Life.
I Love My Friends, And Everthing Is Great, And So Woot Woot.

I Can Be Very Opinionated, And When I Believe That Something Is Right I Will Fight For It Until My Face Explodes, And I Have Been Known To Get Near Enough To.

I Like To Be Happy As Much As Is Humanly Possible, I Hate .Feeling Sad, So I Never Let Myself Feel Like It. Well, Not When People Are Around.

I Have Been Known To Hold All My Feelings In, And I Reckon That Is Pretty True. I Wont Open Up, Because I Don't Like Other People Having To Deal With What Is Going ON With Me, I Would Much Prefer To Sit Back And Try And Help Other People Rather Than Spend Time Talking About What Makes Me Feel Upset.!

I Spend A Lot Of Time Thinking. I Don't Necessarily Mean To, I Just Kinda, Do. I Find It Easy To Think About Stuff, And So I Come Up With Strange Analogies Of Stuff. If You Take It In, It Does Actually Make Sense

I Find It Better To Explain Things Through Metaphors Or Through Strange Connections Of Words. I Am An Irrational Person, So I Find It Hard To Explain Things Rationally. But I Do Try. Its Easier For ME To Write Things Down, Because I Have More Of A Chance To Think. I Often Stutter Or Say Like, If I Haven't Had The Chance To Think.

I Love My Family More. I Am Happy With My Friends More. I Am Myself More When I Am Alone. You Can Say I Am A Faker, Or You Can Say I Pretend, Or That I Put On Too Much Of A Mask. But At Least I Can See My Own Disguises, And See When I Am Pretending And Hiding. Its All To Save Myself From My Own Flaws. One Day I Wont Need To Be Alone To Feel Myself. Until Then, You Can Just Judge The Un Judgeable.

I Like It When People Listen To Me. Generally People Don't Seem To. They Hear That I Am Speaking, But Never Tend To Listen To What I Am Saying. People Tend To Not Realize How Smart I Can Really Be. They just Seem To Only Listen When I Am Saying The Stupid Things.

I Believe I Am Relatively Intellectual. HAHA, What Am I Saying, I Am Practically A Genius. My Mumsy Is The Person I Get Most Of My Smarts From, She Is The Smartest Woman I Know, And So It Has Rubbed Of Onto Me. I Cant Understand Sometimes How People Can Just Be So Stupid, LOL. People Like That Annoy Me, HAHA.

I Am An Empathetic Person. Not Often Sympathetic, LOL, But Empathetic. It Works For Me. I Can Understand The Feelings And Emotions And Stuff Behind People, But I Often Don't Feel Sympathetic, Because I Also Understand That There Are Billions Of People In The World Who Have It Worse, So Yeh. But I Do Like To Comfort And Help Out, As Much As I Can, But I Wont Give Them My Sympathy.

I Am Very Very Weird Sometimes. I Do Odd Things, Because Sometimes I Dont Really Think About It Laterally, I Just Do Things. Sometimes I Feel So Tangled Up In Some Form Of Feeling, That The Only Way Out Is Kinda By Doing Something That Some Would Class AS Weird OR Strange Or Odd Or Whatever. I AM Fine With That, And I Hope People Can Accept That Of Me Too.

I May Be Random, But There Is A Point.

To Be Continued ...

I Like To Be Incredibly Random And Spontaneous.!!
Some Of The Best Decisions I Make Are The Ones That Take No Time To Think Of.!!
I Want To Save The Wolrd.!!

I Want To Have The Greatest Adventure Imaginable.!!

Create your own Friend Test here

Number 23

This is my 23rd Post in this month


thats creepy

23 is significant in some way


ok, i'm being ridiculous


I Hand You All The Christmas Pineapple
Only A Few People Are Pleased With There Gift
So Many People Seem To Be Questioning
What They Should Be Doing With The Dam Thing
Simple, Its A Pineapple, A Christmas Pineapple
You place It On The Mantle Piece Forever
Thats If You Consider Me A True Friend
Otherwise You Eat It, So Perfectly
It Surely Would Be Quite Scrumptious.



well this is a stupid post

dam you all

i love you

my family are odd people

if you like pina colada

good bye


Defined - Six

Are we defined by who we are
or more precisely
who we want to be

our aspiration and our dreams
our desires as human beings, and what we want to become
the future we wish to have

i have been thinking recently a lot about where i want to go with my life
and i think i have cracked the desires and dreams i wish to for fill and my aspirations of life
but as it seems, the things i wish in life are harder to get than you'd expect

so i wonder sometimes
should i push towards my dreams, irrelevant to how hard it might be to complete the
and when i think like that, i answer myself quite quickly

of course
so thats what i am going to do, fight for the impossible
wish for the dream that others don't see

Dream Sequence 7
do you get it
probably not

ok well, anyways
i have had little human contact today
my mind has gone to my hands

i need to life a bit more humanly for the rest of the week
so i shall try my best to do more, rather than sit around all day, 'relaxing'
Threedom, mhm

so anyways, i love those i love
i hate those i hate
i wish for the ones who wish for there own dreams


Dream Sequence 7

A Scared man crawls from behind a rock
he is shocked to see nothing is around
his dreams already shattered
now his whole world is gone too

a young woman runs up to this rock
and is shocked to see a man, cowering behind it
her dream already begun
now she shall share it with this one too

his short black hair soaked by the rains
her long dazzling red hair shining around
his stuttery voice breaks the silence
her mind opens up, racing faster than ever

'who are you, whats has happened'
he asks, wiping is face of dirt
'my dreams have been answered dear
stranger, for now we are free'

he stands up, and looks at the girl
'but my dreams are dead, i have nothing'
she tilts her head to the side, confused
'you can still complete your dreams

we are free sir' she finishes, content
he stops and looks around, all is empty
she looks and him and puts out her hand
'come on, we have a whole world to explore'

-by Sam Lane

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Running Out Of Things To Say

hi there, children
i am serioulsy losing my braint train here
my thought process is dieing
but yeh
i feel like bloggin
but i dont have anything to say
so i am just like, rambling til i come up with something


thats what i do

just ramble away and then coe up with something interesting to talk about


nothings really going on

i aint really emotional these days

nothing to be emotional about for me


i have lazed about here or gone out and had fun with friends

so its all looking up for me for now

i'm waiting for the shit to hit and fan and stuff

but for now i am sailing on by


hm, my 'I Am Clara' thing i think is pretty cool

it is an idea i have had for a while now, and i just started a sentence in my last blog and went with it

the story of Clara, is that in her lifetime she is going to go through a heck of alot of shit

and i mean, like, a cruel amount

and then at the end of the last chapter, i have this most beautifully poetic idea

but yes, a cruel amount of Raw pain and suffering

like her unnecessary rape

the pretence for her birth is she will be born an addict, straight away she will be a head case

terrible thing

lots of terrible ideas i have going on for this dear little girls life

her parents are nut jobs too

her mothers a drug addict, high on alot of stuff and her father is an out rageous Neo-Nazi

yay for dysfunctional

she will fall in love, she will have SO much pain in her life

its a terrible idea for a story

but i want to write it

i have the idea so perfect in my head

Clara is the western worlds pains all roled into one

she lives the life no one wants to live


its just so beautiful

and poetic

and saddeningly terrible and tragic

ah well

moving on


i cant think of anything i think is worth talking about

soi yeh