Friday, November 28, 2008

Tragic Nightmare

so last night, i was sent to bed by my mother, at about 10 15

i wanted to stay up, to watch some heroes

but my mummy said that she likes to spend the few hours before she goes to sleep, by herself

and that she wanted me to go to bed

i was upset, because i wanted to watch heroes

but i didn't protest

and so i went to bed

while in my bed things about everything, i had a sudden epiphany

OMG, we dont have the second season of Veronica Mars

i love that show

why dont we have the second season

so i decided to go out of my bedroom and just address the matter with my dear mother

i walked out in the living room, she wasnt about

i knew she was spending this time sorting washing, so i thought she might be out hanging it up

i stepped out to the back garden

and got the largest whiff of cigarette smoke

i looked around t see my mother sitting on some steps

a glass of wine in her hand and her faces turned away

she leant down

did something

(i think maybe putting out her cigarette)

then turned to me

i decided to ignore the obvious and continued with explaing about the veronice mars thing.

now i have not seen my mother smoke in over 3 years

when we came to australia

she said she was going to give them up

and i believed that she would

i thought it abit difficult doing it cold turkey

but i thought, if anyone could do it, it would be my mother

she is the strongest person i know

and so when i stepped out side last night

and got the tragic whiff of what i thought had left my life

my heart just sank

not only was she doing it

but she was doing it in secret

every night when she said she likes to spend this time on her own

its because she wants to smoke

it hurts that she lies

i think last night she was scaredof getting caught, because hse tried to cover up

saying that she likes to come out side and get some fresh air

especailly on such a lovely night like last night

i wanted to just spitefully bite back and say

i cant smell any fresh air

but i didnt

i didnt let my mum know that i knew she had been there smoking

i'm pretty sure my dad probably knows

its just so


i dont like smoking

and mm



  1. aww :( she probably was pretending because she felt ashamed that she couldn't give up, and didn't want to ruin your image of her being so strong...
    most people need support with giving up things like that
    if you show her you aren't ashamed of her even if she does smoke she would probably feel better about it, she probably feels guilty doing it and knowing you think she's not.

  2. i dont like cigarette smoke either
    the smell often makes me feel unwell
    and its so sad

    [i know, i'm a little behind... lol]