Smite for Spite, yet Feed the Greed

Since slumming it on the weekend, I have been overly thinking quite a bit about all the troubles that go on in this world.I am not going to bore you with my ideas and opinions. I just think that I myself would like to do more. Make more of a difference and such.I do believe that as a society we are rather blinkard to a lot of things. It's a sad reality. But you can't changed a society, not purely by will. Hhmm, I think I shall change the subject.

Ah, I have recently been enlightened into the fascinating literature of Oscar Wilde. 'The Picture of Dorian Gray', at the moment is the section of his works I am reading at the moment. It's quite a splendid tale so far. I also read one of his kids stories, which was quite sweet. Yes, he is pretty much a hero to me now.

My aunt is in hospital with a brain hemorrhage. My mum has been crying on and off since Saturday, being as it is her sister. I think the hardest thing is that we have only three phone calls in total, explaining all that's going on. I think my mum would feel better if she could of been there and see what was going on.

There isn't much left for me to say.

xx

Unclued, Fortnightly

The funny thing about stereotypes, is that they just cause everyone to hate.

It's not quite a riotous laugh kind of funny, but an uneasy kind of, the world is fucked up, funny.

Its like, the 'un-cool' use stereotypes to judge and hate upon those who are more socially accepted than themselves, and the 'cool' use stereotypes to make the lowers feel lower.

It's a mixture of jealousy and pride.

or maybe I just want to add more reasons to MY hatred.

xx

Malpractise Lawsuit

I have been a fool in my youth. So full of enthusiasm. So full of naivety. So full of shit.

Sometimes I wonder to myself, whats worth all this. Whats worth all that. Who is worth fighting for and who is worth dieing for. No, who is worth fighting against, and for what reason.

Then I realise that I am just even more of a fool. I have fought for the wrong people and the wrong reasons, too many times.

There is no sanctuary in grief, only more grief.

I'm not going to lie. To you or myself, world. I jumped and berated, and when felt attacked tried to defend. Against what, a bigger army. You are no Persian and I am no Greek. This was purely a Thermopylae. Yet without the honour of a failure.

Materialist will say look at the gold, realists will say we are just getting old.

LOL. WTF.

TBH, was that really going to work, fix anything.

'I will always dial the K'

xx

Orange Extras

Got a partner to formal.
I am so happy.

I'm slightly distracted by reactions.

Jeff Buckley is awesome.

xx

Cold Mooned Eyes

There is not much going on in my life really. Just school and its general stresses.

I have next year to think about. I have no idea what I am going to be doing. Well, the plan is to work for a year. Then I am going to do some more education.

I am a capable, well balanced, smart person who could do well in most jobs or professions. Theoretically.

I'm only saying this, to try and convince myself that its not possible that I could become a failure. Which I realistically shouldn't. But the idea that I may never achieve anything is frightening.

Really, I need someone to just kick me into gear. But I shouldn't have to need something like that, I should just do what I need to.

I am complaining and whining too much.

xx

The DID Factor

I am aware of my inconsistent and staggered postings.

Gah, I had expected to sit here and write out some stuff. But a) I got distracted by the more exciting aspects of the internet and b) I just don't know what to talk about.

I am fascinated with the TV show 'United Stats of Tara', it is absolutely amazing. Its about a wife and mother with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), which means basically, multiple personalities. It goes through her life and the life of her husband and children. The 3 alters of Tara are awesome, and Toni Colette stars, and she is just amazing.

What do I have to talk about? HHmm, more continued loneliness. Pfft, nah.

I want to act. Like proper full on dramatic acting. On camera, on a TV show, where you have character development and real and raw emotions to release. Not poofty school acting.

I realize most people don't have a realistic view of my acting capability, because people haven't seen me at my best, but that is probably a cope out, I don't know.

I love interesting characters. Characters that keep[ you interested and like are just entertaining. I hate it when they introduce characters into shows purely as a plot device, but they are so mechanical and with no dynamics. It's not too hard to create characters with a bit of substance.

I would love to be one of those legendary characters that gets mentioned over and over again in pop culture. A cult classic. Ah, that would be awesome.

Creative and original yet simple stories are usually the most successful. Like a story with a simple concept, a concept that people like, that you stick to, are the ones that are successful. If you start trying to do too much, or start falling away from your beginning idea, people lose interest.

Why am I discussing TV stories. I don't know. I need a hobby that doesn't involve me widdling through the ins and outs of television.

I love United States of Tara, because it really tries to break some good old stereotypes. Its not a classicly cliched story, its of its own. I don't know, I just love the show.

Watch it, 21 30 Wednesdays on ABC1.

xx