Pinchfeild Farm

I'm tired. Very tired. Time is slow. It's been slowing down.

I'm waiting for something. What? Do I know? Maybe it has nothing to do with me. What is it? Am I lost?

Ah, that's right. It's nothing, surely. Would it matter if I was dead inside? I don't think so. People have been coping with it, as it is. Oh wait, what am I talking about? No one believes something as stupid and as vague as that. Especially since I have not explained myself.

Is this me technically talking to myself. I think I am having 2 sides of a conversation here. How odd.

I wish I wrote a classic as well. Something people remembered. But I am not going to let what I am best at and what I am worst at, define my life. The truth is, someone is going to be better at everything we do, you just simply got to use what you got and do your best with it. As long as your doing that, people will respect you for it.

At this point in time, I still have respect, but I would lose it if you and others continued to complain of how not brilliant you are. I lost respect with myself a long time ago. Respect and truth. The things I want. Simply, respect me enough to tell me the truth, and tell enough truth to deserve respect.

Oh, I went on a tangent right there. My eyes are blurring. Weeeee.

I don't know who this guy is I am talking to on msn. But I just agreed to meet with him some time. Shame we planned for not during the holidays, because I believe our plans will never be met. I am hoping to meet up with other people during the holidays, so fingers crossed.

Oh, this conversation is going in a direction I knew it would. What to do, What to do. When we meet up. Well firstly, hahaha, I ain't going to tell you that. Thats confidential.

I am sad. No, CRAZY!!

Oh, we can get up to anything, thats quite an offer.

I am a whore. A Crazy Whore. I am also getting very OCD. Anything at all, he says. I don't think many people believe my claims of OCD, mainly because they are just menial and trivial things that seem unconnected that I seem to be mentioning of. But eh, I see something here.

I am not a perfectionist. HAHA, The Killers just said the perfect thing 'I'm Just Not Satisfied' or something like that. I thought it kinda fitted.

I am not a planner. Wow, that fits with so many other things in my life, but mainly I am talking about this conversation, and how this guy is persistent in wanting to know what we are going to be 'doing'. Gah, sickening, to plan something. Something so raw and basic.

I want to write legendary poetry. Soul changing stories. Epic novels. Life altering pieces of pure literary magic.

I could list of many more 'wants' in my life. My needs are simple, my wants are expansive.

I am getting confused by what I have and will say.

What smile is real? That one isn't.

I've done more than you.

I regret too much.

xx