Noddy

I'm sitting here, my mother and two of her friends sitting around the kitchen table chatting, my sister in her bedroom with her friend, and me contemplating everything.

Its not a very entertaining concept when you think of it.

I rarely, truly open up to people. I certain things that I think need to be said, or i say stuff on here, but I never truly try to pen up to any specific person. I think that's whats pissing me off the most. I'm not trusted enough, but I have trusted them.

Goodness Gracious Me.

Even though I feel this whole situation isn't one that deserves anyone responding with capital letters. It is bothering me, quite a bit.

'There's no preventative, directive or safe approach for living. We each know our own fate We know from our youth how to be treated, how we'll be received, how we shall end These things don't change You can change your clothes, change your hairstyle, your friends, cities, continents But sooner or later your own self will always catch up.'

That is my favourite song lyric/quote thing.

I put on a firefox persona thing, and its a cherry blossom tree.

I am trying to get 62 post in May. Double the amount of days. Averaging ofcourse to 2 a day. But yeah.

OMFGILYSFM

xx

I Will Not Antagonize The Situation

At this present moment in time, I am being hated for supposedly starting a rumor that apparently is going to cause someone to be bashed.

There is nothing I have said anywhere, that could be taken out of context to become a rumor, and have some connection to this person.

I say that, because I have probably said things and they have had consequences for other people, I duno. But simply, this person is no longer talking to me, because they think I am going to cause them to be bashed.

I would be OK with this, realistically, if I knew I had done something wrong. But I know I haven't done anything. So it is annoying me, how this person hasn't even considered asking me my side of things.

At least offer me an opportunity to explain. Rather than completely shutting me out. That's all I want.

It's causing its own problems among people I don't think deserve to have the problems lain on. If that makes sense.

It's unfair really. Especially considering how well we were getting on the night before. Within the space of half a day, things went from absolutely brilliant, to a plane crash.

It's this kind of stuff that makes me such an angry person sometimes. I;ve done nothing wrong, but am being punished for it.

I hate bitchy Year 12's that hate me. Jumping to conclusions and then forming stories from it. It's them that have done this, I can just see how it all happened.

I am being more pissy and sarcastic and annoying.

All will be fine, when I get my chance to speak

xx

Be Safe

One of those fucking awful black days
When nothing is pleasing and everything that happens
is an excuse for anger
An outlet for emotions stockpiled, an arsenal, an armour
These are the days when I hate the world
Hate the rich, hate the happy, hate the complacent, the TV watchers,
beer drinkers, the satisfied ones
Because I know I can be all of those little hateful things
And then I hate myself for realising that
There's no preventative, directive or safe approach for living.
We each know our own fate
We know from our youth how to be treated,
how we'll be received, how we shall end
These things don't change
You can change your clothes,
change your hairstyle, your friends, cities, continents
But sooner or later your own self will always catch up.
Always it waits in the wings
Ideas swirl but don't stick.
They appear but then run off like rain on the windshield
One of those rainy day car rides my head implodes,
the atmosphere in this car a mirror of my skull
Wet, damp, windows dripping and misted with cold
Walls of grey
Nothing good on the radio
Not a thought in my head

Lets take life and slow it down incredibly slow
Frame by frame
With two minutes that take ten years to live *out*
Yeah, lets do that.

Telephone poles like praying mantis against the sky
Metal arms outstretched
So much land travelled so little sense made of it
It doesn't mean a thing all this land laid out behind us
I'd like to take off into these woods and get good and lost for a while
I'm disgusted with petty concerns; parking tickets, breakfast specials
Does someone just have to carry this weight?
Abstract typography, methane covenant, linear gospel,
Nashville sales lady,*stygian emissary* ,torturous lice, mad Elizabeth
Chemotherapy bullshit

The light within you shines like a diamond mine
Like an unarmed walrus
Like a dead man face down on the highway
Like a snake eating its own tail, steam turbine, frog pond,
two full closets burst open in disarray
Soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible,
shopping list, blowjob, deaths head, devils dancing,
bleached white buildings, memories, movements
The movie unpeeling, unreeling, about to begin

I've seen your hallway, you're a darn call away
I've hear your stairs creak
I can fix my mind on your yes, and on your no
I'll film your face today in the sparkling canals
All red, yellow, blue, green brilliance and silver Dutch reflection
Racing thoughts, racing thoughts
All too real, you're moving so fast now I cant hold your image
This image I have of your face by the window,
me standing beside you arm on your shoulder
A catalogue of images, flashing glimpses then gone again
*I’m tethered to this post you’ve sunk in me and* Every clear afternoon now I'll think of you up in the air twisting your heel,
Your knees up around me, my face in your hair
You scream so well, your smile so loud it still rings in my ears

Inhibition
Distant, tired of longing
Clean *my* teeth
Stay the course.
Hold the wheel
Steer on to freedom
Open all the boxes
Open all the boxes
Open all the boxes
Open all the boxes

Times Square midday
Newspaper buildings, news headlines going around
You watch as they go, *and hope for some good ones*
Those tree shadows in the park they're all whispering chasing leaves
Around six pm, shadows across the cobblestones
Girl in front of bathroom mirror as
she slowly and carefully and paints her face green *mask like Matisse ‘Portrait with Green Stripe’*
Long shot through apartment window, a monologue on top but no girl in shot
The light within me shines like a diamond mine
like an unarmed walrus
like a dead man face down on the highway
Like a snake eating its own tail
A steam turbine, frog farm, two full closets burst open in disarray,
soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list,
blowjob, deaths head, devils dancing,
bleached white buildings, *memory*, movements
The movie unreeling, about to begin

That was great
Yeah? Mine were alright. Weren't my best one but who cares?
That's the spirit...

No More

HAHA, classic. Absolutely perfect. Thank you dear.

A mood elevator that would make you want to kill yourself, family and any orphaned child you could find.

I hope your self absorbed opinions get you into the grave you always wanted.

Your the type of person who would shoot a tranquilized lion.

The person, who if someone said their arm hurt, you'd stab them in the other to even it out.

You have no idea of life and neither do I.

I'm done.

xx

Schizophrenia

You can watch me corrode.

Maybe I am self centred and stuck up.

Pfft, No.

I'm just here, and I am just saying what I need to.

Alpha was right, I shouldn't be on the computer so much. Its pointless and just boring. Good kid.

So the story goes, and continues some more, and ends quite quickly.

Hay, fat man, shut up. Right, that's the thoughts. No?

Ok, I shall stop this.

I just hope you listen to my song.

xx

Don't Disappear

Little girl, with her mouth so dry. Don't wither away. Don't un knowingly die.

I recently have been thinking a lot about all those numbers of people out there in the world, that have eating disorders.

The play I'm writing for drama has an anorexic girl in it. I hope to do the issue justice. Properly give a genuine display. Well, through the way I write it.

But it just occasionally comes back into my head, and makes me rather sombre. Morbid. My thoughts on the whole thing has become more elevated lately.

Anyways. If there is anyone paying attention to my blog, they would realise that I just keep posting. This is because I a) want to complete some form of undefined quota and b) because I have a lot I need to say, and am saying it now.

Simply.

xx

Life Is What Happens When Your Busy Making Plans

I think I might just actually go crazy now. a) I'm bored, b) I feel unnaturally down, as I have done all week, and c) I just don't want to be fat anymore.

The title is a 'Sex and the City' quote, if anyone wished to know. No, of course no one wanted to know, because no one is reading this. So why do I care that I am rambling.

Dear Diary.

That's what this is like, this is my diary. The only one reading this, is the diary itself. So the god of blog is reading what I am saying. That fits with what I know of organised religion.

Well, my credit went from $28 to $5. Dam them all. That was one phone call.

I feel like partying. If I knew anyone that partied, and would take me with them. Then I would be partying.

That could be a way to develop some more of my whoreness and lower even more of my self esteem. Sounds good huh.

If anyone is reading this and thinking IDC. Go f**k a lemon.

If your reading this thinking, Oh god, whats going on. Ask me. But don't be prepared for a straight answer.

I love you less now than when you attacked me and left me to drown.

xx

Matilda

So, another prospect. I shall name this one, Mr A.

Mr A and I have been sharing conversations now for hhmm, about 3 weeks I'd say. We have pretty similar ideas on people, and what we want. Apparently, Mr A has some rather bitchy rich friends, that I should need to watch out for if anything were to happen.

Now, our conversations have gone further than the net, and have gone further than just casual chit-chat. If I didn't constantly feel ugly and fat, then I would feel that I could just simply jump this guy and get it over with. Mr A does continuously barrage me with 'Your cute'. Mr A also enjoys my accent. Score one for the English guy.

But the thing Mr A just said to me. 'I wish you were pure'. Oh no he didn't. Yes, yes he did. Now, you may or may not have ever realised this, but I occasionally feel like a whore. A dirty, legs open, loose fitting, sausage down hallway, whore. EEWW. Wait, not quite to that extent, good god no. But a knee bending whore, non the less.

Mr A, simply would prefer if his first time was with also a first timer. Causing me to go from, cute English boy, to dirty soiled man whore, in the space of a second. Damn this. Damn it all.

I need a booster, not a downer. Continue talking about how fun it is touching yourself and forget about telling me how much of a slut I have been.

Well, for those who have just read that, and have changed there opinion on me, or any of my affiliates. Please be prepared to tell me the truth when ever we may cross paths.

Anyways. Bridge is a tosser. Oh, there are 2 other names I need. Hhhmm, how about, Deborah Harry and Little Alpha. Deb H and Alpha for short. If you search Deborah Harry, you will probably get links to the band 'Blondie'. Alpha is a Greek letter. That's the reasons for those nicknames.

Deb H once courted with Bridge. But they aren't together anymore. But Deb H, is also a bit of a tosser. In fact, Deb H hasn't spoke to me in a while. Bitch.

As for Alpha, well, almost perfection. Practically all the same interested and feelings towards anything. But, I duno. I say this, because that's how I see it, but really there is more to it.

Hhmm, so my list of names, are: Mr A, Bridge, Deb H and Alpha. LOL. I am a weirdo.

This is all for future reference. I like a sense of un knowing.

For the 2 people that read this, I hope you futurly enjoy my explanations of these nicknames, and the people that fronted them. You'll see.

I only love those who love back.

xx

Broken Space Bar

I'm in the music mac lab, and since I am on the mac's, I can't do my drama speech. Well, I can't keeping going on with it, I could probably do something. Oh, I now remember how crappy this keyboard is. Dammit.

Gambit is in the new X-Men movie. It concerns me how little people know about the X-Men world. Well, not concerns, rather seemingly worries. I don't think worries works there either. Ah well.

Am I angry at anything.. no. Anything bothering me, at the moment.. no. Well, maybe. Am I stressing about anything.. no. I do feel unattractive. During the school hours, I slowly get paranoid and insecure. I may see my reflection in a window or mirror, notice someone's judging stare or listen too closely on what people are saying about me. I can end the day feeling rather low.

I am OK with my own paranoia. No one seems to justify my feelings, so I could simply be making mountains out of molehills. Still doesn't stop my daily ritual of self analysis and peer checking. I need to lose my baggage, and work to some change. I guess.

I once wanted to be a doctor. Back in the day. At that point in my life, I believed I wouldn't be able to cope with the blood and such. That concept is unquestionable these days. I have no qualms about blood and guts. I do, though, have different dreams and aspirations. Its a game out there, the ultimate competition. Lives are chosen through the gamble we take to play. Eventually, we will be able to stop this sport and just be happy with our prizes.

All the worlds a stage.

eMacs are shite.

xx

Where am I going

I could fall asleep right now. I reckon. Maybe I will when I get home. Nah, scratch that. I have better things to do that sleep.

Cheese.

Westboro Baptist Church, are racist homophobic ass wipes, with a hitler for a father.

Thats right. LEISHA.

Assumptions.

Anyways, to something probably more interesting.

Have you ever noticed the big red snake, on the glass in the library becuase I am lookibng at it, right now. IT HAS NO HEAD!!

'Each Morning I Get Up And Die A Little, Can Bearly Stand On My Feet'

Queen rock your mothers ass.

ITS ADORABLE, THATS RIGHT!! ADORABLE.

Now you know.

Unconnected sentences.

Ok, peeps, what we need in the world, is some social and human respect. We don't respect the strangers we see, rather we treat them like vermine that should never be touched. Its is our perogative to be distant from those around us, from people we don't know. But even if we aren't going to be welcoming strangers into our lifes, we should be able to treat them with some respect, and give them something nice each day.

Yeh.

I need to think before I blog. I shall try, but for now, my random bouts of information and opinion and the steadily slurry of simple crap.

Congratulations on growing up.

xx

Make Linda's Day

I made a cause.

http://www.causes.com/myspace/causes/276669?e=749d4d2c&recruiter_id=15169637

I hope this works.

Its a simple cause, that I will explain on a later date.

xx

Buddah Will Kill You Fred

So, I have just been looking at some nice old websites. Ones of Hate.

The Westboro Baptist Church (WBC)

These are the people who were going to picket Heath Ledgers funeral, because he played a gay cowboy in Brokeback Mountain.

There homepage is http://www.godhatesfags.com/.

They believe Homosexuals, Americans, The Chinese, Indians, Catholics, Italians, The Irish, The Swedish and all those who do not oppose homosexuality, are going to Hell.

This is a letter, by his son, who left http://www.rickross.com/reference/westboro/westboro8.html

and here is there Wikipedia page http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church

The leader, Fred Phelps, is a terrible man.

They are the Most Hated Family In America.

xx

It's Social Schizophrenia

Different Around Different People.

I am Sam. I am Tom. I am Parker. I am Nancy. I am Indie. I am Steve. I am You, but never Me.

But I think I was Me, for a whole night.

Not a cure, just the placebo.

xx

I Just Hope You Get Your Fireplace In The Rain.

Haha, only me and one other person understands that title. People could figure it out, if I tried to explain it. So I won't.

My head hurts, probably because I was walking around in the wet and cold. Took me an hour to get home from Thalassa park. Walking home in the rain, Wooh.

Winnie the Pooh. That's what that 'Wooh' made me think of.

Jungle Fever.

Things are changing. No, its just been 2 weeks since some form of normality. Things feel like they are changing, maybe. Ooo. My hair should change. Highlights, Low lights, Blond, Darker.

Legs, Homework, Paintballing, Waist, Nighttime, Sleepovers and an unemployed mother.

I really don't want to grow up.
Sex is the devil.

It is the stealer of ones innocence. Sure, I think that's the truth, what you got to say about it. Hmm, huh.

I want to wake up and be 7. To be 7 again, not 17. 7 people, the best, the greatest, the honestly most simplest. Sure, not everyone's 7 was great. In fact, mine was shit. If I was to become 7 again, I would not want to live out the same year again, that's just stupid.

Otherwise. I don't want to complain.

I just don't like the prospect for the future.

xx

I Want To Own 7 Lava Lamps

There is a Hair Dryer lying on the floor right next to me.

That's not what I was going to say, but I just thought it kind of just needed to be said. there isn't usually a hair dryer there.

Oh, no, this post has now become pointless.

See, when I come on the computer, I open up blogger and read peoples things, and then go to write a new post, and it sits here and waits for me to put my thoughts down, and now this one, has become useless, and I don't really want to get rid of it now. So this is just a little post helping you understand that way my posts work. Most paragraphs can be hours apart.

Foohy Sharpener

xx

Accept Your Throne Dear Queen

So. Whats up?

I still have a LOT more to do, but I am happy with how far I have got with my drama. :)

OO, I should write a task list. Nah, I'm scared of realising how little I have done. It 'could' make me work better, but realistically, it would probably make me stress more. Maybe. Hmm.

I have a realistic outlook of what I have to do, so its all OK really.

So, no real development otherwise in my holidays. Still scratching through the day with no real point or conclusion. Still pathetic and lonely. Well, not really lonely, persay, considering I still have my family about. But the thought is out there of one of loneliness. Pathetic, well, I don't know if that fits, but if you imagine a lesser version of pathetic. Not as in lesser as in worse than pathetic, but a less defined form of pathetic, maybe one more closer to unaware and helpless mixed together. hmm.

Ok, so some random person is speaking to through Myspace IM, there not in my friends list, and I don't understand how they are talking to me and such. Oddening.

Well yep. My next step. What to do What to do. Something needs to be done. Simply. Do I really have that little will power. No, no I don't. I have way less than that. No, I have will power. I have inner strength. I also have a constant ticking mind that makes me consider the point of doing things. I also consciously tell people to just do stuff, because they want to. Hmm, I can convince someone to do things just because, but can't for myself. Some more hypocrisy to add to my character.

Some people just know how to get me to do stuff. For better or for worse. Wait, good god, I'm not getting married. Anyways.

So, fate has dealt me some cards, how will it play out. Only time will tell.

My posts are becoming ridiculous again, non sensical babble about the antics i get up to while on the computer. No real development into my life or about me. Tut tut, Mr Orange.

One day, my story will be complete, and I won't be around to tell it.

xx

Soft Cabbage

Moving away from my 5 stages of death.

Mainly because at this moment in time, there is nothing going on, that even kind of relates to bargaining. Although I can imagine what might come to that. Ah, sadness.

Well, I think I did some good.

Although no one appreciates what I can do for them. HAHA. Ah, has been a nice weekend. I reckon.

What do I have to discuss. I have stacks of drama to do. I am talking literal stacks of work. I need a job. Hmm.

My mother has gave her 2 weeks notice for her job. Soon we will be living off one wage. Means there will be some changes and such, and I will be living with less. I am OK with that. I think my dad is concerned. Money is simply a tool for trading, and I don't want to trade my family, so I am happy.

Here a Ring, There a Ring, Everywhere a Ring Ring.

I might go for a walk in a bit. Just to walk. For no real reason.

The Placebo of a Dream.

xx

Anger.

Oh, its looks like the world has been engulfed by the sun. Time to move on.

Do you know whats sad. 13 year old boys taking photo's of themselves in there underwear, so that they can find someone to blow. Quite a society we must live in.

On a nicer note, I was happy to have done some socialising last night. Going to my best friends birthday party. Woo.

Ah, good. Oh.

That shouldn't have shook me as much as it did. Ah. I just got knocked off me feet. Dam him and his date. Gah, this is why I hate how the only method I have of finding people, is through scrawling Myspace's and friends of friends, so as introduce myself to people.

It all just means that there is nothing ever there. Now I am rolling on the floor after a day of gliding and flying.

Now I'm all shook up and wondering what to do.

My family is watching American Pie: Band Camp. I find it very odd, because my dad was so adamant to watch it. My brother failed his 72 hour 'stay awake' marathon thing. This will just mean he will have to try again.

Do I really wish it was me instead?

No, its just me finding things more tedious and hopeless. Mainly, hopeless. But as I explained before, it takes a lot of scrummaging through the bull rushes to find the messiah. That was a stupid, and possibly offensive metaphor.

Ah well. Back to Drama.

Silly me. I asked a stupid question to the ever whoresome Bridge. Whats he doing with his 'friend'. Home alone and horny.

Daycare sucks.

xx

P.S. I didn't expect my blog title to suit so well, hhmm, fate or coincidence. LOL

Denial.

Ah, its 2 23 on Thursday morning. I've been up a very long time now. Pretending to still be doing things worthwhile. When really I am just pissing about, doing absolutely nothing. Shame.

Family on facebook, woo.

Should have a good day today. Hopefully. Maybe. It all depends really.

Hhmm. I am talking to this person. I am going to call them Bridge. Me and Bridge are talking. He's up very late. He often does, apparently. He does not like the idea of dating. Well, not the way I explained dating.

The idea of dating, as displayed on 'Sex and The City', is one that amuses me. A non committal period of time spent with another human being, that will either lead to something more, or just be a day out. Something along those lines anyways.

Bridge is wanting a relationship. He is one of these people that can't handle being alone. He can't handle it so much, that he eventually gets so desperate he starts going crazily hormonal and starts trying to get you to watch him on cam. LOL. That was a funny night.

Of course, he never gets desperate enough to ask me. The single, lonely boy, sitting here. Bridge is a bit of an up him self tosser. But eh. I'm open for anything, tosser would be fine right now. Better than fat prick or ugly weirdo.

So, I questioned him as to what was the issue. Apparently, I come on too strong. I can still see something like that. Still doesn't stop him from being a tosser. LOL. Either way, I am still here.

Today should be nice. If all works out.

xx

Singer & Gangster ... Soprano

So, my brother has wrote out some bucket list for himself. Tomorrow he is going to try and stay awake for 72 hours. I don't quite understand why he has wrote out his bucket list, so young, but I guess the idea is that you never know when life is going to end.

It's got me thinking about all the things I want to do, and how I sit around here and whore myself out(emotionally). Yeh.

It also got me thinking about how often I slightly fantasize about his friend. Not like, sickening in depth sexual fantasies, but rather simple scenarios, that are likely to never happen.

Random Thought: Death is black, but ghosts are white.

This friend of his, often comes over. I often wonder to myself. You know, the simple, 'What If's?' Ah well. Life moves on.

I hate how all photo's I take, I never seem comfortable with them just as they are. I have to edit them, and I hate editing them, because when people see them, they know exactly why you edited them. Because you don't look like that. Eww, full stop in the wrong place, but the sentence doesn't flow how I think it should, and even now, gah.

I took a new one on my webcam, for my myspace. It looks pretty cool, but also like it isn't really showing a true me. Which it really isn't, but my webcam is crap.

Ah well.

I'm not contagious.

I have been reading lots of randoms myspace's, and I have to admit, that world is just full of liars. Ah, tis despicable.

Oh, everyone is calling for my dad. Gah, I hate the man he is talking to right now. Obnoxious twat. Not funny. Absolutely self centered. A shit head. Gah.

Maybe I would like to go see a movie. Maybe I would like to try and stay up for 72 hours, ey :P. I do want to save the world. Make a difference. Write a classic. Feel proud.

Ah, the mafia.

xx

Its A Muppet Merry Christmas

So, what have I done today. Not much at all. Contemplated much of what I should have been doing. Hmm. Been naughty, probably.

Rattling in this empty house.

Perverted.

Nah, just lost. Irony. The smell of it.

'I walk through the glass gates of a red crossed castle. A kingdom of life and death. I was bought through on wheels, looking at ceiling and sky. My family is no where to be seen.'

Anyways.

I have lots of homework I need to do. I also have an open invitation by my rents to have people over. Woot. Twould be nice.

OH, THATS PERFECT.

That would just fit into everything so well. Sorry, just had a conversation in my head. LOL. I wish I could watch movies in my head, like living statues do.

Moving on, effortlessly.

Mr Orange needs some topics to discuss. I would ask you to ask me questions and such, and I would voice my answer/opinion on the matter, but I doubt anyone would actually reply. So instead I shall just take notes throughout the day, and then try to elaborate on here. Otherwise, I will just ramble til proper things start being said.

The BeacHouse would be nice. Has anyone noticed how it is only spelt with one 'H'. Technically making it the beac house, LOL. If everyone was so literal, that's what they'd be calling it.

My computer is so crap, just crap. It shits itself all the time. Dammit and its pathetic attitude.

Ok, so tomorrow, I will either work some more on my homework, or try to get out of the house and see some people. Sounds good to me. Either way, I am going to make sure that tomorrow is a productive day.

22 is probably too old for me. 13 is probably too young.

xx

'Tactics, Comrades, Tactics'

I pledged to defend someone I know, no matter who attacks them. Simply, I am proud to say, I will defend them to my utmost capacity. They deserve nothing more than to be treated with respect and compassion.

I have felt like I was about to cry for about a week now.

I had convinced myself yesterday that my parents were going to split.

I wouldn't feel allowed to smile, if I didn't have Holly. That's the truth.

I am lost and pale.

xx

Pinchfeild Farm

I'm tired. Very tired. Time is slow. It's been slowing down.

I'm waiting for something. What? Do I know? Maybe it has nothing to do with me. What is it? Am I lost?

Ah, that's right. It's nothing, surely. Would it matter if I was dead inside? I don't think so. People have been coping with it, as it is. Oh wait, what am I talking about? No one believes something as stupid and as vague as that. Especially since I have not explained myself.

Is this me technically talking to myself. I think I am having 2 sides of a conversation here. How odd.

I wish I wrote a classic as well. Something people remembered. But I am not going to let what I am best at and what I am worst at, define my life. The truth is, someone is going to be better at everything we do, you just simply got to use what you got and do your best with it. As long as your doing that, people will respect you for it.

At this point in time, I still have respect, but I would lose it if you and others continued to complain of how not brilliant you are. I lost respect with myself a long time ago. Respect and truth. The things I want. Simply, respect me enough to tell me the truth, and tell enough truth to deserve respect.

Oh, I went on a tangent right there. My eyes are blurring. Weeeee.

I don't know who this guy is I am talking to on msn. But I just agreed to meet with him some time. Shame we planned for not during the holidays, because I believe our plans will never be met. I am hoping to meet up with other people during the holidays, so fingers crossed.

Oh, this conversation is going in a direction I knew it would. What to do, What to do. When we meet up. Well firstly, hahaha, I ain't going to tell you that. Thats confidential.

I am sad. No, CRAZY!!

Oh, we can get up to anything, thats quite an offer.

I am a whore. A Crazy Whore. I am also getting very OCD. Anything at all, he says. I don't think many people believe my claims of OCD, mainly because they are just menial and trivial things that seem unconnected that I seem to be mentioning of. But eh, I see something here.

I am not a perfectionist. HAHA, The Killers just said the perfect thing 'I'm Just Not Satisfied' or something like that. I thought it kinda fitted.

I am not a planner. Wow, that fits with so many other things in my life, but mainly I am talking about this conversation, and how this guy is persistent in wanting to know what we are going to be 'doing'. Gah, sickening, to plan something. Something so raw and basic.

I want to write legendary poetry. Soul changing stories. Epic novels. Life altering pieces of pure literary magic.

I could list of many more 'wants' in my life. My needs are simple, my wants are expansive.

I am getting confused by what I have and will say.

What smile is real? That one isn't.

I've done more than you.

I regret too much.

xx

D C D D N/A

I am, at the moment, listening to Jeff Buckley, and yes, I do want to post the lyrics up on here. Such a beautiful voice and sound and just general-ness about him. I would have loved to have known of him when he was alive.

Mascara Eyes.

I'm out of juice, can't think of anything I want to talk about.

xx

P.S. Failure is in the eye of the successful.

1971

Today, was weird. Also, it felt rather pointless. Well, the school work and the necessity to be at school. I think that's probably because it is so close to the holidays, which shall be SWEET!! Just on the basis that it won't be school, :P.

I believe that most kids would probably be counting down til the end of this term. Hoorah.

I'm interested to see how many people stick to there plans of doing homework through the holidays. I hope I do, I should, I am kinda keen to.

FAIRTRADE!

I should have gone to the forum.

I now have the number I always secretly wanted. No one realises how excited I was when I realised it had fallen into my lap. None of them realise either. Oblivious.

Also oddity in the way that someone questioned why they didn't find out about my orientational-ness until after other people. I guess it just felt like another slash that didn't need to be done. But still, it does bring up questions in my mind. But I shall explain to the dear.

Who knows? How many people? As many as I wished didn't? Ah, not what I wanted at all. A little, would have been much better.Should I tell my parents? What reasons do I have to justify needing to tell them?

I know who I want to tell next. So that is who I shall tell. Otherwise, I wish people had never found out. Never knew. Never thought anything. Sometimes I wish that, and then other times I am fine with it. Things are turning out how they were meant to, sadly.

Sex!

Ah, a topic that most think they understand, but no one really does. I think children have it right. Innocence and simplicity. Its how life was meant to be lived. But we have corrupted life with these ideals and expectations.

I heard someone say something like that before, and I am trying to recreate what they said in my mind. Its not working, obviously.

Simply, as adults (young adults) we tend to believe that children are naive and so utterly unaware of what the future holds, that there believes on what life is meant to be like, must be wrong. I am simply trying to say, that maybe children have it right, in all the ideas of living for fun and freedom and such, but as we grow up, it has been drummed into us that that is not how life is meant to be, that eventually we just start accepting it, and living our lives like that anyways. Which is a sad thought process and a sad transition in life, if you think about it. Like I just did.

Honestly, I am still wishing to wake up one day, and be young again. Not need to consider that there are changes, and that adulthood is just around the corner. No need to consider sex, money, career and just general future life. But I, along with everyone else, am stuck on a road that will only take us one way.

Ah.

One of my parents friends back in England died last night. I knew him. Not very well, but enough to kinda get a little not in my throat. He died of a brain tumour. He was told about it 5 weeks ago. 5 Weeks. That's not long at all. 5 weeks and then dead.

My dad is rather upset. He's kind of not really making much movement. Like he is moving, but not really adding anything to the flow of anything else. There's nothing I can do for him, or my mum.

I have work I probably should be doing. I also have SO much drama. As in the lesson, not like 'Drama', oh god my cat is coughing. I don;t have a cat, it was a reference to soapy drama's which are ridiculous and such. If people didn't understand, :P.

Tis nearly the holidays.

I hope I won't be lonely.

xx

Green Grass

Lay your head
Where my heart used to be
Hold the earth above me
Lay down in the green grass
Remember when you loved me

Come closer don't be shy
Stand beneath a rainy sky
The moon is over the rise
Think of me as a train goes by

Clear the thistles
And brambles
Whistle 'Didn't He Ramble'
Now there's a bubble of me
And it's floating in thee

Stand in the shade of me
Things are now made of me
The weather vane will say
It smells like rain today

God took the stars
And he tossed 'em
Can't tell the birds
From the blossoms
You'll never be free of me
He'll make a tree from me

Don't say good bye to me
Describe the sky to me
And if the sky falls
Mark my words
We'll catch mocking birds

Lay your head
Where my heart used to be
Hold the earth above me
Lay down in the green grass
Remember when you loved me



After properly reading the lyrics while listening to the song itself, I realised how nice this song really is.

Tell Me, Who Are You This Time?

I am sitting here, listening to Scarlett Johansson.

I do find her pretty amazing. She is both interesting and nice.

Her music intrigues me so much. I enjoy sitting here listening to it.

Ah, I have not had a developmental blog about how I am feeling, for quite sometime. If I am honest, I doubt I will say anything quite at all 'developmental' LOL. I am just listening to my Scarlett.

OH, has ended. So I start it again.

I'm feeling some what lost. I am also trying to get in someones pants. LOL. Ah slutting.

That's a joke BTW.

'There'll be no refreshment for a thirsty jackaroo
From melbourne to adelaide on the overlander
With newfangled buffet cars and faster locomotives
The train stopped in serviceton less and less often
There's nothing sadder than a town with no cheer
Voc rail decided the canteen was no longer necessary there'

Ah, the confusion and awkwardness.

LOL, Slutting.

'Bury our heart In the attic'

Ya.

I am done.

xx

Fannin Street

There's a crooked street in Houston town,
It's a well born path I've traveled down
Now there's ruin in my name, I wish I never got off the train,
I wished I'd listened to the words you said.

Don't go down to Fannin Street
Don't go down to Fannin Street
Don't go down to Fannin Street
You'll be lost and never found
You can never turn around
Don't go down to Fannin Street

Once I held you in my arms, I was sure
But I took that silent stare through the guilded door
The desire to have much more, all the glitter and the roar,
I know this is where the sidewalk ends.

Don't go down to Fannin Street
Don't go down to Fannin Street
Don't go down to Fannin Street
You'll be lost and never found
You can never turn around
Don't go down to Fannin Street

When I was young I thought only of getting out
I said goodbye to my street, goodbye to my house
Give a man gin, give a man cards, give an inch he takes a yard,
And I rue the day that I stepped off this train.

Don't go down to Fannin Street
Don't go down to Fannin Street
Don't go down to Fannin Street
You'll be lost and never found
You can never turn around
Don't go down to Fannin Street

I Don't Want To Grow Up

When I'm lyin' in my bed at night
I don't wanna grow up
nothin' ever seems to turn out right
I don't wanna grow up
how do you move in a world of fog
that's always changing things
makes me wish that I could be a dog
when I see the price that you pay
I don't wanna gow up
I don't ever wanna be that way
I don't wanna grow up

Seems like folks turn into things that they'd never want
the only thing to live for is today...
I'm gonna put a hole in my T.V. set
I don't wanna grow up
open up the medicine chest
and I don't wanna gow up
I don't wanna have to shout it out
I don't wanna be filled with doubt
I don't wanna be a good boy scout
I don't wannt have to learn to count
I don't wanna have the biggest amount
I don't wanna grow up

Well when I see my parents fight
I don't wanna gow up
they all go out and drinking all night
and I don't wanna grow up
I'd rather stay here in my room
nothin' out there but sad and gloom
I don't wanna live in a big old tomb
on Grand Street

When I see the 5 o'clock news
I don't wanna grow up
comb their hair and shine their shoes
I don't wanna grow up
stay around in my old hometown
I don't wanna put no money down
I don't wanna get me a big old loan
work them fingers to the bone
I don't wanna float a broom
fall in love and get married then boom
how the hell did it get here so soon
I don't wanna grow up

Song For Jo

Do you remember
How we'd fallin' asleep
On the bathroom floor
Wasn't always pretty
On the white tiles
Cool as the sound
Of your daddy's house

Wake abandoned
Smoke out
The windowed floors
From your daddy's house

You're alive today
Small hands of a woman
With an animal heart

Noooooooooo
Noooooooooo

Hold my for a minute
If I could spend
A moment
With you, you
In your daddy's house

Gentle screams
As we made it home

Let's get
Bury our heart
In the attic
Bury our heart
In the attic
Of your daddy's house

Scarlett

Well I wish I was in New Orleans
I can see it in my dreams
Arm in arm down Burgundy
A bottle and my friends and me
Hoist up a few tall cool ones
Play some pool and listen to that
Tenor saxaphone calling me home
And I can hear the band begin
When The Saints Go Marching In
By the whiskers on my chin
New Orleans I'll be there

I'll drink you under the table
Be red nose go for walks
The old haunts what I wants
Is red beans and rice
And wear the dress I like so well
Meet me at the old saloon
Make sure there's a Dixie moon
New Orleans I'll be there

And deal the cards roll the dice
If it ain't that ole Chuck E. Weiss
And Clayborn Avenue me and you
Sam Jones and all
And I wish I was in New Orleans
I can see it in my dreams
Arm in arm down Burgundy
A bottle and my friends and me
New Orleans I'll be there

LOL

5O percent of people marry one of there best Mates from secondary school, because I sent it to you, you will get ed on Friday the person you like, tomorrow will be the best day of your life. if you choose to break this chain you will suffer. You have 1O minutes to send this. It isn't fake. Copy paste this to 14 people in 1O minutes now BUT DOONT SEND IT TO ME OR ELSE!

The Day Never Ended

Today feels like it has gone on forever. Its only 6 09 atm and its weird.

I can't honestly say that its because of day lights savings, because that doesn't make sense. It just feels like today has lasted for so long, and its not even over yet.

Hmm.

My fingers are starting to ache from all the msning, twittering, blogging and homeworking. ouch.

LOL

xx

140 Characters Just Wasn't Enough Space

I am starting to think I spend too much time on the internet. Maybe.

OOO, yay, fields of nice comments left in my truth box. This is nice, considering the general trend has been to fill my truthbox with stupid and pointless little snipes, that generally don't make sense, and don't even grace me with a conclusion. Anyways.

I have received 2 such nice comments, that I am open to sharing them with you.

Firstly,

'what do i really think about sam. he leaves trails of himself everywhere without realising. These all make me smile. Things most people do are no longer annoying when sam does them, he makes them fun, i can see anything from his eyes. when i want to of course'

Secondly,

'if we was as different as we think we are sometimes but we both know that we're not. Then i was trying to decide last night whether i would call u chalk or cheese. my head isnt clockwork so i first thought okayy, he's cheese because he is interesting has good taste and is mature. You also have holes which you leave people, me, to fill in. which i secretly like but wouldnt tell you. Then i thought no wait you would be chalk because chalk is the one that expresses, it writes, it draws it creates. You are also like chalk because you are many colours, i love them all about you. So then once realising damn it hes everything, my everything. This irritated me, honestly. So then i thought hmm. what would i be? chalk or cheese and i couldnt put a finger on it. But then i realised that it doesnt matter what i am because whatever im like, im like you too :) and then that made me smile, because your my role model in more ways than one. i am finished now. i hope you dont know who i am.'

oh and also, Thirdly,

'Sam is very nice. He like orange. He does drama when i have art. My role model. He thinks he has a feminine face with a big forhead. he doesnt. i know him best :) my surrogate. blows everyone away. is caring. is smiling. is random. is an amazing poet. is awesome. is funny. is different. he is unique. he is not samuel. his name is hebrew. there's like 17 of him in florida. he thinks edward cullen is ugly. he IS smart. he trusts me. hes my closest friend. hes my piggy bank of secrets. hes a comfy cloggen. he is an ace bowler. he just left me one of these messages. he is special. he makes me jealous. he is cool as. he needs ppl to badger him when theres something wrong. he doesnt like female dogs. he made me tacos. he is in my nans good books. he wins in all areas xx'

These make me happy.

xx

Pregnant Pause

'I'd walk with you, hand in hand, and baby in the other.'

This post is designed to grab the attention of one specific person. Note title and first line.

Hello there confused person, in bewilderment and shock. I'm here to say, in all honesty and might, if you need a hand to hold or a healthy push, then always remember there's me.

I just have a few questions that I have been contemplating.

What would be the worst out come?
If worst came to worst, would you go it alone?
Are you too scared to find out?

Of course, this post could be coming to you a bit to late. But 'It's the thought that counts' LOL.

xx

Cold Snap, Gift Wrap

Von Franklin Bonabell

I have not been on here for a while. Been rather sick, and/or otherwise just been taking a break from the dear computer.

I had one of the worst days of my life the other day. Purely through the results of pain. The whole sickness thing was not pleasant. I inevitably ended up crying, on my mothers shoulder.

Since I was last on here, I went shopping, with Holly and Lucy. Twas fun. I got some lovely new clothes.

Oh, my head just started hurting.

The greatest shave was on, since I last posted. Good on ya Aimee.

I started reading Animal Farm, By George Orwell.

Yep.

I had more I wanted to say.

I am wearing very comfy undies. LOL.

Oh yeh, my brother is rumoured to have been in a threesome.

I;m unsure how i feel about it.

I was texting my ex the other day.

That only lasted a little while, then i got no more replies.

Well, yeh. I have ran out of things to talk about.

I don't think my mind is quite focused enough.

xx

Pink Quiche

One foot wrong, i am listening to pink this time, and i have to be quick, only like 4 minutes left of this 'period', the new name for lessons, ficking americans, losers and there ness, vanessa hudgens, KELLY RIPA, hope and faith, regis and kelly, scrubs, ancient greek legends, ODYSSEUS, oh the video clip for this song is weird, but apporopriate i think, makes sence, very pink and very good, anyways, should i be political, SAVE THE CHILDREN. g2g

xx

And here is evelyn

hi eveyone in the blogging world.. i am not apart of your world.. but i thought id visit..

this here, is SAM LANES blog thingo.

he just wrote quite an insane blog about nothing.

it scared me a little.

actually.. a lot.

anyhooo..

i dont think im very good at this.

megan is quite a cutie.

i <3 u 4 u r a q t

that is silly.

says the one that snorts.

i also have a strange laugh that is occasional very high pitched and loud.

kyrie just walked in with coke.. suprise suprise. hehehe

larinda works at red rooster.. nom nom.

im really bored. yes sam.. it is.

i dont know why i space out my ness... but it looks neater somehow.

but less intelligent.

eveybody.. do the cha cha..

*does dance*

yay its me and nathans one month today XD

it makes me happy. =]

ok.. im off.. XOXO

Mow Mow

Its 5th period. Sitting here in the music mac lab, listening to some more Duffy. What am I thinking about.

Warwick Avenue, Megan, Holly and friends, Wedges with sour cream, Hannah is sitting just over there, Duffy, Lorinda, Chris's bag, kyire's drum lesson, MEGAN is here, Woo, where you going, oh ok, come back quickly, i love this song, i love that person, no not love, its just made sense to continue on like that, ew, i hate this song, Syrup and honey, wooo, waxing legs, i loveth megan, 1 2 3, BABY BABY BABY spend your time on me, LOL, whats megan looking for, whats on that peice of paper, oh i-pod, yes that makes sense, she's opening a word document, whats she going to listen to, i'll ask, Sex on fire, no, feeling good by muse, HAHA, this is fun, Air guitar, LOL, megan is so adorable, she doesnt need to try, i am aren't i, do i like this song, mmm, sometimes if i am in the mood,sometimes its annoying, right now i can't be bothered changing, wait, what lesson is megan meant to be in, EVELYN, lol, oh, shes wagging, lol, megan that is, S+E with ms gregory huh, womens studies? anti christ, I KNOW ITS WRONG,HANGING ON TOO LONG, what an oddish song, Janelle monae, Womadelaide, green laces, chicken teriyaki, joseph, old phone, OH, i have so much credit, 50 free texts, 50 free dollars, I am rolling in it, LOL, compared to what i usually have, Scrubs is awesome, oh house is on tonight, WOO ness, Vanessa hudgens is abit of a skank, thought to thought, are thoughts chemical reactions in the brain, are every thought a reaction in the brain, would that mean we could like totally read peoples minds and such, because if we learned what each reaction meant, or infact, if there was nothing physical that connected thoughts, wouldn't that mean thoughts don't exist, meaning that everything that is around us was subject to the creation of something that doesn't exist, ie, our thoughts and all that, hhmmmmmmmm, makes ya think, 1984, oddness, reactions, anyways, I want to, i also want to read the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, the boob lady,LOL, unsupportive bra, shut up woman, lol, what now, lunchtime, thank you, treble cleff, when i drop you boy, where is my mind going now, back to that person,why, how odd, tiddy not giving us money, kyrie, kyrie, hhmm, mentions of her name, she got 92 thats right, steven bickley, up himself, powerpoint, english orals, oooo, english oral script, i winged it, lol, terrible, surname, so funny, confident, i have been confident lately, Andrea has started talking to me, since monday, maybe i am being a bitch, enjoy it, hair in a bun, work, should be doing work, MY FAVOURITE SONG, I'm Scared, its awesome, Choir, not a soprano, alto, i'm a tenor, woooness, vanessa hudgens, lol, harmony, picture of your face, one note, phrase, one note, you were gone, and now i'm scared, aw,i love this song, loud and sharp, not good, louder but sharp, good god, she can sing, ok, get into my own thoughts not the thoughts of everyone around me, there are so many red lines on this post thingo, and there adds another one, a question mark, the opposites of siblings, the power struggle, hhmmm, Distant Dreamer, I rarely dream, but i like dreaming, and escaping, tis fun, watermelon, The Adventure Of ME, lol, psychology, the red lady person from psych, what a shit head, annoyance, piss off you, dam her, the grudge, i think i may have wrote enough, aw holly was crying, her friend is possibly moving school, OMG, nipples WTF, erm, but ya sadness, such a lovely girl, father being abit of a selfish shellfish, mmm, i tinks to myself that i may be crazy

xx

All The Lights Are On, I'm In The Dark, Whos Gonna Find Me

Sometimes I wonder what I am doing. Then I get to thinking, Who am I doing it for?

By what am I doing, I mean, trying to stand out as something 'attractive'. Although, if I am honest, I have always had that desire.

I'm finding something in nothing, again.

I'm listening to P!NK, and this is what it does to me. Makes me think. Oh I love Pink. And good ol Duffy. I wish I could write songs. Then I would feel complete.

The title of this post is Pink lyrics, woo.

I feel happy, why am I questioning it. Is it because I realise it is a completely superficial happiness, all based on the foundations of appearance. Is it because I feel like that is the only way. No, because happiness comes in all different forms. Plus, a person's appearance could not always be there own doings, so they still have the freedom to be however they like.

I know who I am doing it for, realistically. I am not oblivious. I am still in basic contact with my head. Ofcourse, that doesn't justify the whole thing.

I am divided.

xx

I leave the stars to judge my every move

I'm editing my myspace again.

I wish for people to just give me some more things to work with, LOL.

Some other peoples opinions and such.

Try and keep them positive, because yeh.

xx

Duffy Duffy DUFFY

"I'm Scared"

The blank pages of my diary,
That I haven't touched since you left me,
The closed blinds in my home,
See no light or day,
Dust gathers on my stereo,
Cause I can't bare to hear the radio,
The piano sits in a shaded space,
With a picture of your face,

I'm scared to face another day,
Coz' the fear in me just won't go away,
In an instance,
You were gone,
And now I'm scared.....

Coffee stains on your favourite book,
Remind me of you so I can't take a look,
The magazines you left on the floor,
You won't need them anymore,
A towel left hanging on the wall,
No sign of wet footsteps in the hall,
There's no smell of your sweet cologne,
I'm lying here alone,

I'm scared to face another day,
Coz' the fear in me just won't go away,
In an instance,
You were gone,
And now I'm scared.....

I'm scared to face another day,
Coz' the fear in me just won't go away,
In an instance,
You were gone,
And now I'm scared.....

In an instance you were gone,
I'm scared.....



"Distant Dreamer"

Although you think I cope
My head is filled with hope
Of some place other than here
Although you think I smile
Inside and all the while
I'm wondering about my destiny

I'm thinking about
All the things
I'd like to do
In my life

I'm a dreamer
A distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today

Even when you see me frown
My heart won't let me down
Because I know there's better things to come
And when life gets tough
And I feel I've had enough
I hold on to a distant star

I'm thinking about
All the things
I'd like to do
In my life

I'm a dreamer
A distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today
I'm a dreamer
A distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today
Yeah I'm a dreamer



"Rockferry"

I'd move to Rockferry,
Tomorrow
And I'd build my house, baby
With sorrow

I'd leave my shadow,
To fall behind
And I wouldn't write to you
'cos I'm not that kind

The midnight trains are boarding
All wrap up 8s
I pich my load and i fill my truck
before its too late

I leave the stars to judge
my every move
I'm not going to think of you, oh
I'd get the blues

Theres no sleep on the journey
away from time
A bag of songs and a heavy heart
won't make me down

i'll give it all my strength and my mind
i'll make this decision with or without

I'd move to Rockferry,
Tomorrow
And I'd build my house, baby
With sorrow

I'd leave my shadow,
To fall behind
And i wouldn't write to you
'cos i'm not that kind
not that kind

Rockferry, not that kind [repeat]
[fading]



"Warwick Avenue"

When I get to Warwick Avenue
Meet me by the entrance of the tube
We can talk things over a little time
Promise me you won't step outta line

When I get to Warwick Avenue
Please drop the past and be true
Don't think we're okay, just because I'm here
You hurt me bad, but I won't shed a tear

I'm leaving you for the last time baby
You think you're loving but you don't love me
I've been confused outta my mind lately
You think you're loving but you don't love me
I want to be free, baby you've hurt me

When I get to Warwick Avenue
We'll spend an hour, but no more than two
Our only chance to speak once more
I showed you the answers, now here's the door

When I get to Warwick Avenue
I'll tell you baby that we're through

I'm leaving you for the last time baby
You think you're loving but you don't love me
I've been confused outta my mind lately
You think you're loving but you don't love me
I want to be free, baby you've hurt me

All the days spent together, I wished for better
But I didn't want the train to come
Now it's departed
I'm broken hearted, seems like we never started
All the days spent together, when I wished for better
And I didn't want the train to come

You think you're loving but you don't love me
I want to be free, baby you've hurt me
You don't love me, I want to be free
Baby you've hurt me



"Syrup & Honey"

Don't you be wasting all your money
On syrup and honey
Because I'm sweet enough
Don't you be using every minute
On making a living
Because we've got our love
Listen to me 1,2,3
Baby, baby, baby
Spend your time on me

Don't you be out all night long
Leaving me all alone
Because I need your love
Don't you be spending every day
Working away
Because I'm waiting for you
Listen to me 1,2,3
Baby, baby, baby
Spend your time on me

Spend it, spend it, spend it
Your time on me
Please baby




OMG, I LOVETH ME SOME DUFFY!!!!!!!

xx

Once In The Boondocks

Ok, so today a there was strange new trend going on. Many more people were being nice, friendly and even rather flirty with me.

Now before today, the number of people that would offer to give me a piggy back, was limited to the one occasional adult that would be guilty for leaving me out of the little kids fun. LOL. But today I got on a total of 3 backs. Woo.

Today, I was dubbed, attractive, cute, adorable, sexy and good looking, by an array of people.

I don't know if many of you know what its like to suddenly have people praising your looks. Especially considering previously all I ever felt like was the over weight extra guy with nothing really going for him. It was up lifting. I felt more confident. I felt emotionally thinner. It was just lovely.

People were treating me nicer, and just kind of looking at me with a more pleasant look on there face.

Kind of proving all that psychology has been telling us about peoples attitudes and its relevance to appearance. Which in some ways is quite sad, but I don't know. I felt good today.

Its all because of my new stylish hair cut, and probably that mixed with the fact it was casual day.

xx

Its A Terra Bite

Had a hair cut today. I am pleased with it. It has some shaped and stuff, :P. Hopefully people will notice, LOL.

I went bowling yesterday with Holly and my sister and her sister and her nan, twas lovely. I won both games, WOO. We planned to do stuff next weekend. Yep.

For those who don't know, Holly is basically my surrogate sister, if you will. She is a member of our 'Australian Family', which is just a collection of English families residing in the flagstaff hill/aberfoyle park area, who are very close, due to the fact they have no other family.

I enjoy spending time with her, she is still interested in me, :P

xx

Fine Young Cannibals

I'm adding randoms on Myspace, Its both interesting and pointless.

Also getting a little weirder.

This is my night tonight. Adding scores of people, just to spark fresh conversations with people I have never met. Its relaxing. Care free.

Some people out there are such jackasses. All 'hardcore', don't care, plain arrogant people. There are also those that say they are nice and like want to meet new people, but who won't talk or just kinda don't follow through with what the say about themselves. LOL.

Ah, how very odd.

xx

Myspace Profile - To keep on record

Sam Lane

31/5/1992


Read As One
It's All Me


Optimistic.

Empathetic.



Intelligent.

Creative.



Spontaneous.

Opinionated.



Thinker.

Stranger.



Listener.

Random.



Believes In Chance.

Collects Information.



Never Forgets.

Smiles.



No Certainty.

Always A Meaning.



Housewives Mask.

Tearless Pains.



Oldest Child.

Butterfly Family.



No Sympathy.

Enough To Survive.



Seeking Adventure.

Chasing Dreams.



Un-Eager Normality.

Chaos.



Lovers Accident.

First Experience.



Optionally Loud.

Subtly Silent.



Extra Ordinary.

Extra Simplicity.



Bitter Sweet Tears.

Sacrificial Lamb.



Ivy Memories.

Shoebox.



A Beautiful Escape.

Dream Sequences.



My Imagination.

My Creations.



Pandora's Box.

Fate.



Undefined.

Fortunate.



Talonless Eagles.

Cryptic.



Future Saint.

Good Person.



Sensitive.

Unaffected.



Honoured.

Dignified.



Companion In Pain.

Noter Of Laughs.



Selective Listener.

Necessary Hypocrite.



Always Here.

Love.



Momentless.

Boundaries.



Tragedy Joys.

Others Positive.



Unrealistic Hopes.

Will Power.



Basic Display.

Interesting Meaning.

The Tragedies Surrounding Nurse Roberts

I cried today.

Well, not really. But kinda.

I was watching scrubs, yes, scrubs, and well, it got incredibly sad. There was some awesome acting, and it made my eyes water to the extreme. So much so, that at the corner of my right eye, a little sack of held emotions just popped out a little. It didn't quite get to the point where it fell and went down my cheek, as I was so desperately wanting, but it was a tear. Sitting there, on my eye.

I am in some ways, happy with my little stint of emotions. It was quite gripping. Saddening.

Nothing around me is quite gripping or saddening enough to cause me to cry, but that doesn't take from the significance of the tear itself. Its a significant development in my emotional stability. Some people may not understand, and think I am being ridiculous, but I would just simply say, read my blog titled, I Can't Cry, one of my first blogs. To the rest of you, I would say something along the lines of, My god, this is quite a development, huh. LOL.

Ave Maria

xx

Piggy Back

Anyways.

What a strange development of character.

Unexpected and just weird.

Well

xx

Next To Travel

I am sick of people who complain about everything that is going on in there life, but never do anything about it. Yes, that does mean I am sick of myself. The people who will storm around, but never help themselves. The people who will list the reasons why everything is crap, but not a single suggestion as to what they can do.

I realize that people would have there defenses to why they can't seem to be able to just help themselves. But from an outsiders perspective I am tired of all these self caused complaints.

I also realize that I am getting harsher with my moans and groans.

I respect that people can't always solve a problem on there own, but I also respect more, those people who atleast try to do what they can for themselves. The people who don't give excuses, but rather just move on. The people who make an effort to do the thing they were just hoping would fix itself.

Self help, my new frontier.

xx

The Secret Video Taping Of The Public

A thought came across my mind, as I was looking at PostSecret. I hadn't took a look at it in quite a while, but tonight I did. It got me thinking, as I am sure many others have done before, about all the secrets people keep.

Secrets are those little things, that left untouched can either become nothing, or become everything. I just wonder what everyones secrets are, and what there significance is. Whether they are nothing, or everything. Most peoples secrets are everything to them, but probably not to anyone else. Some secrets, are secret because they need to be kept secret.

I'd wonder how peoples secrets affect them. What they are? Why they are still secret? Who, if anyone, knows? You know, all the questioned you would be likely to ask, if confronted with the issue of a secret.

I respect peoples capacity to keep secrets, and that they don't all need to be told. A story can be kept in the minds of the witnesses and participants. Secret hopes, dreams and wishes. Secret memories and events.

The mask that hides the biggest secret of all. Who are you?

xx