Ok, so this is the 8 th time i have tried to start a blog. i have really been wanting to write one, something interesting and developing. i have had lots of ideas for blogs since sunday morning, but i just haven't stopped and wrote them down, and i came to the computer tonight, and i have started so many times, but my edge is gone, my flow is missing.
i like to express my thoughts out in these blogs, because they feel personal, yet like i am showing the world who i am. which is odd, but how i feel when i write the blogs i have over the past like 5 days, lol. i have become a blog addict, which i find extremely strange.
i steadily check my myspace see if anyone has cared anymore since 3 minutes ago, and nothing quite yet. i am talking to harry on msn, because he is the only one that will talk to me, and even then the conversation is dead. but i duno, right here, i kinda feel like i can just type and type and say exactly how i feel, no interuptions.
i am releasing all my inner wishes and wants to harry, btw everyone. i aint got a reply, but i shall, hopefully, lol.
my biggest wish of all, is that i wish with everything i have that everyone could just be happy, all together, for one day
i also want to see barbara show some confidence
i also want to see all those girls, who are naturally pretty, and that everyone can see, come out of there shell and show the world what they ahve to offer. i do
sorry, i am rambling, because i dont seem to have anythign else better to say.
A Technicolor Yawn Of Half Digested Emotions - Mr Eldgride (definition of a poem)
i hate whores, i really do. this was going to be one of my topics, but i dont have the right energy to type out hatred, but honestly, i hate whores. i love sweet and gorgus people, but i am disgusted by whores.
i feel so sorry for people with no confidence, but i love to tell them they are pretty, because they are. like jess feilder and oshada, i told them they were both pretty today, because i think they are gorgus, like, naturally pretty, like sally and lauren haynes and miranda, and like, i just think that people like, argh, i duno
and then there is barbara, who makes me want to cry. if you dont know barbara, she is an awesome year 10 singer girl, she draws manga and is half brazilian, she has awesome black wavy hair and like, she is the sweetest person on the planet, well mm. but she has no confidence at all, and i mean, like, she can come up to people so sweetly, but people just like cut her down, and like, she is so timid and sounds so scared and like, it just kinda makes me want to cry, because i just want her to stand up and show people who she is, because i once got to know her, and she is an amazing person and its just like, :'(
aw, i love people sometimes, like not everyone, generally i hate everyone. but like, there are people sometimes that i just love, like because they are themselves, and it is amazing to just know them. ah
i love you kate, you are amazing, :P, sometimes i think it sounds like i am only saying stuff to make people feel better, but like mm, i've always said how much i love my katey bear. but i kinda feel like i only just got to know you properly after i read all your blogs, because like, ofcourse there are stuff in them, that i wouldnt have known, and its like, mm, wow, now i know the proper reasons behind all that you do, and i am a pretty keen person when it comes to figuring out that there is more to someone, and so mm, :P. i love you
this isnt meant to be a blog about me praising people
i kinda feel abit bad about my hole, relgion and stuff blog, because i dont know if it sounds as controversial as i thought it might to someone on the other side. i mean, its my opinion on stuff and like, i am up for people telling me what they think, because i always listen to what people have to say, and i always take it in, but like, i duno, i just mm, i wont go back into that, i think i shal save that for another time, when i am feeling more myself
hhm, thats it, i dont quite feel myself. i think my mask is getting tighter again. i dont know why tho, i feel more like i should be being myself, but then i dont quite, hmm, i duno. i hate thinking that i aint being myself, cos i love me, i am awesome, and if anyone thinks otherwise, then they dont really know me, or they have ticked me of and i dont like them anymore and they are seeing 'angry agro i hate you' sam, lol
dammit i owe ms gregory $2 and i have a debate tomoro
gah, i hate lessons and shit. lol.
this is going on longer than i thought it would. i hope people are reading this. hello there friend. lol. wow, my face feels numb, wtf, gah, thats terrible, or like i am being a hyperchondriac, but seriously, i touch it and it dont feel right, ow and my fingers hurt, lol, i wonder why.
wait, they are feeling abit numb, hhmm, that aint good,i shall keep on typing and pretend it aint there, but seriously what is this shit, mm. i hate feeling numb, cos it just reminds me of migraines, and they are the worst things ever, and like, i get them worse than you all, cos like, thats how my family seems to go. like, numb feelings up and down you body, not being able to see properly, headache, and just plain crazy sick feeling, gah, you have no idea
now i am talking to megan too, and she said soo, and i think she thinks something is up, cos generally, i think so much, that i always have something terrible i have to say about something going on in my head. but i am such a strong willed person and i am so strong in my own emotions that i never feel the need to express my daily wims about shit, so instead of replying to her soo, i instead said, so how are you feeling about stuff, makin er think of herself rather than me, because i am that good, mwaha, lol
she is probably going to read this and be all like, 'well fine then nigga cheese cracker white as ho, you think you can work this shit all up on me' and i will be all like, 'haha, i knew you would say it if i said you would say it, yay, thank megan' and then we will have a laugh and probably a serious conversation
mm, my stomach hurts, hhmm, i eat too much, too much crap, but this aint a crap food stomach ache, its a, theres something wrong in here kinda stomach ache. hhmm, mayeb i am having babies
harry's gone, just me and megan, still i dont really get replies anyways, people are more preoccupied in themselves, LOL, jokes, its because i aint really keep any conversations going, lol.
ah i can imagine like megan still reading on, just going, AW, now i feel bad, and then like, mm, andi dont want that, i dont like the idea of guilty tripping people, thats just manipulative and rude. gah
i am still going with this, i think someone is thinking, why doesnt this guy just quit already, i have rambled on for so long, that i have liked skipped an hours worth of hojmeworking, to talk about absolute crap. i would love to think that there is maybe one person out there right now, reading this going, wow, this is guy must be interesting. he sounds like such a nice fellow.
i mean, i would love that, i really would, lol.
i wish to save the world, YAY, for me, i duno if i have alread y said that in this blog, in one of my previous attempts today, i did, yay for that, and like, mm
christmas isnt as far away as most would hope, or close than some had dreamed, either way, sanat will be coming down your chimney some time coming.
mm, i am a randomist, yaya for whatever hat means, haha
i love you all, have a wonderful hanika and a birlliant quanza, i shall be back tomoro
P.S. i am a good person right?