Star Jumps In My Pool

That's what I do. Lots and lots of star jumps, as well as swimming and kicking and stuff.

I am proud of myself a little, because I have been eating healthier and stuff, and like, YAY.

I just felt like mentioning this, because i am in that kind of mood

Love Love xx

Kids Of The Korn

Ah, my young'n friends are making me smile.

A collaborative effort from all the little kiddies of my day (not counting the ones that live in my house) have continuously made things better. Consisting of the children between year groups 11 - 9 (No year 8 could make me happy)(That's not quite true but shh).

Ah, its just been little things. Like hunting someone down and traveling around to find someone, so as to be returned with the greatest burst of 'SAM!!' I have ever heard, or meeting a lovely collection of friends on the bus, or spending a delicious time while waiting for a bus and then on the bus, or coming home to find a lovely nice message on a persons myspace.

LOL

I am in a good mood.

Love Love xx

It Takes 2 To Tango, But 17 To Make A 17 Man Crowd!

I need help.

Honestly.

I don't comfort in being honest, because I don't think it will make a difference. For now I am going to move on.

I am imagining that there is a lack in people that read these. Which in someway makes me feel alright because it means I am still just in my own head. But other ways, I duno, I feel maybe just a bit, alone.

I've been out of it for a little while, and everything feels different. People seem odder, situations seem changed and everything just seems to have formed into something else.

I could probably come up with a few simple explanations, the most obvious being that everyone is back at school. But I duno, other things.

Its this little annoying thing in the back of my mind, and its making me uneasy. I'm sure i will eventually forget it, and feel like everything is as normal as ever, but i just kinda want to put it on the record. That things have changed.

Whether obvious or inconspicuous, something else is lurking about.

Well, moving on.

I have had my first failure.

In my bid to become healthy and thin. Coke, M&M's and Pizza. Too much, SO MUCH. I felt guilty and disappointed in myself.

OOO, I just thought of something, Genius, hhhmmm. Nah, wouldn't be as coolas i think it would.

Anyways. I tried to contemplate for it by doing 20 minutes worth of star jumps in my pool and swimming lengths and stuff. (Doing Aerobics in a pool is very good exercise)

But I kept snacking.

I need a large Russian woman following me all the time, who can slap me every time I fall out of line. No, I just need to get more control of myself.

Gah, I hate wittling on about myself. It feels so pompous. I apologise to the last remaining people still reading this. I don't find it fair of me to talk about myself. Especially since no one has asked to know.

I, ofcourse, have no one else to talk about, but you know.

I am a strange person.

Hmm

Love Love xx

P.S. The Staberfoyle Park blog thing, I realised, I am the only year 12 male there, and the only mainstream kid, I think. :)

Poodle Sir

My 100th Post.

Welcome To February The First.

I Loveth My Pool.

I Have School Tomorrow.

Love Love xx

A Summary Of Secondary Burns

Uncertainty Is Freedom.

Chaos Is Escape.

Random Is Life.


Change, is an option taken lightly. Satisfaction in the change, is a feeling left stagnant.

I need a vice of some kind. A specific rock to hold me still. Just occasionally I need some substance. When it's out of my control, its not freedom.

My thoughts are a little bit lost.

Love Love xx

Its Ok Peanut, Your Marbles Will Turn Up Somewhere

So Hi everyone

I am back from my Victorian Adventures.

I have stories and revelations, that I will one day elaborate on, but for now I feel like rambling.

Its hot, as most can tell. Too hot, if you ask me.

I have started to only drink water and fruit drinks, nothing fizzy. I have been eating more fruit, and having a consistant breakfast.

I am consciously looking forward to school, just to see how things are and stuff, because I haven't been there for so long, its starting to feel quite ominous of a place. (I don't think that is proper English, but oh well.)

I drew some pretty pictures while I was away, I shall need to find a way to show you people, for at the moment my pretty pictures are pinned to my bedroom door. They are strategically random, and just odd, and aren't necessarily built out of skill, but just my minds escape from thinking logically I guess.

I wish to meet new people, if there be any. New people interest me. Anything new kind of has a parallel to change. Like change is making things newer, to an extent, so new people generate a loving change. I find new people to be a special sort, because they hold no basis to judge people, to begin with, and I like that.

I think that's what I like about them, there is probably something else or other things that make me feel this way. most probably.

I have decided I should try a bit darker, before i work for lighter. As in my hair. Plus, I don't quite feel confident enough to go for straight out Blond Ambition, lol. I need to feel a little bit more comfortable in my own skin, before i start changing it about too much.

My goal is to be drastically thinner by mid term 3. Some might call me crazy, and most would guess I won't be able to do it, and of course one of those people would be me. But that's my goal.

My other goal is to get a lot of A's. Most especially in Specialist Maths. That reminds me, I apparently have a test on Wednesday in Specialist, that I know nothing about, so anyone out there who can help me, please let me know what i should know by then, because missing out on the first week is going to be hard enough.

I would also like to know if anyone out there is in my Psychology and/or Classical Studies class, just so that I can get the heads up, so that the teachers don't initially take a disliking to me, :). It would be much appreciated if someone could please help me just to get me going.

Ah, well until I am back again.

Love Love xx

Considering Adventurous Change

I'm thinking I might go blonde. Just for the sake of it. See what I look like. If it looks shittacular, then I shall simply change it to something else.

I want some colourful socks.

I'm considering other things, but they seem to be the only ones I feel are worth a mention.

Tell me what you think about the going blonde thing. :P

Love Love xx

Tyre Yard

Its a mess right here. In this Tyre Yard of fun. It may be wise to stay optimistic, but it sure ain't easy. Its harder to feel comfortable in my own skin, when I continuously questions whats there beneath it all. Even more so, when I consider that I can't look in the mirror without assuming its lying.

How unnecessary of me to talk about myself. I honestly don't feel it is right of me.

I consider Diabetes, a reliable option. On my quest to feeling healthy and feeling better about the way I look. That's quite terrible. People live with it everyday, and wish to live without it, and I am to god damn lazy to just work it out myself.

Gah.

The idea is simple enough. With Diabetes you are put on a strict diet and stuff, and I would inevitably frighten myself into the cause, and so therefore, loose weight and become healthier and all that.

Adventure would be nice. An escape. A long distant voyage. Not like a holiday, like the one I am going on tomorrow. But rather, an un-designed chaotic life changing problem solving expedition to find ones self in whatever landscape or terrain in whatever world or country with whatever people and eventually come home, to feel better about yourself, and all those around you.

That sounds truly appetizing. Certainly would be worth it, I reckon.

I wouldn't mind some change. As I keep mentioning, because tis whats on my mind.

I would like to hear what people think about me going blonde, LOL. My theory is that I could try it, and if it simply don't work out, then I can simply put in a different colour and we can move on with our lives. I am also considering a different shape to my hair, and making it shorter and stuff.

I also want new clothes and a complete change.

Wow, I am just continously going on about what I want and all that. I'm not necessarily expecting anything to happen, but rather I wouldn't mind considering that maybe things might be able to find its way to turn out like that, you know.

I also have a rather looming creative buzz these days and like, I duno, I need to do something that makes me feel overly proud and can really express the things I wish to show off.

I am fat. I can see myself in my reflection in my window, OMG. Gah. I;m sitting here and my profile just shows this belly formed by me slouching in my seat so, and it just looks terrible. I've sat up to take a different look, but still, right there, is my belly popping out from just under my unnecessary man boobs. This shirt is not flattering at all, :P. My behind is rather huge as well.

I've looked down to see my thighs peering from underneath the the desk. That's what a call some bullshit. Holy.

I'm going to stop complaining. It is most obviously my own fault that I have turned out like this. I aint going to make excused for myself, becuase there isn't any worthwhile ones. Boredom eating, and lack of conscious exercise.

I'm back in my slouching position, its more comfortable that way. There it is again, my belly. I look pregnant. My quintuplets. I have a sad look on my face.

I could vow to trying all I can to working to loosing weight and making myself healthier, but I know deep down that isn't going to last, not on will power alone.

Starving myself. Diabetes. Dieting. Exercising more. All simple choices and/or options, that just seem to lead to failure.

My insides are pale, and my outside is covered in fat.

But I am genuinly happy with life, for the most part.

Love Love xx

P.S. Blonde?

Morbid Fascination With The Way You Stare

I feel pale.

I know that isn't a realistic emotion, but that's the only way to describe my head at the moment.

Change.!

I wish to open up new things in my life, to grant the opportunity for change. Some changes externally and internally, publicly and privately, short term and long term, and all of the above.

I also am having a hard time to look in the mirror.

Diabetes is my irrational answer.

Love Love xx

Apeirophobia

Infinity. That's a long time. I wonder how it is possible to be remembered for Infinity.

Its too long. Too much time.

Matter exists for Infinity. We are just inhabiting it.

Tragic.

Love Love xx

Agateophobia

I don't want to think that I am just insane.

It would be easier if I could just turn around and say I was.

But I just don't want to consider that I could be.

Love Love xx

Siderophobia

I hate the fact that adults keep asking what I want to do when I finish school.
Honestly, I have no idea. I haven't really sat down and thought about it.
Many options have come about, but none I wish to commit to.

I don't like thinking too far into the future.

I like living in the present.

Love Love xx

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia

Adventure. Is my new agenda.

I have always thought it would be cool to start your own religion. I would never wish to start some religion with an almighty being and such, just a simple philosophy of life.

I once discussed this with Nathan, my idea of a religion where people go of on an adventure, or just live there life, and then they come back and just write down what they have learned or seen.

I duno, it needs fine tuning and such, but i reckon it would be an interesting concept.

Haha, I just randomly thought about it and decided to mention it.

Love Love xx

Novelty Hats

I am confused. Mainly because all points have become void because all other points are contradictory to the previous points and therefore nothing can be verified yet everything is certain.

I apologies for anything I may have said, that could have been misinterpreted, to be something offensive, rude, arrogant or self righteous.

I am none of the above, in all honesty.

This is not because I am not able to defend myself, it it because it isn't worth it.

Love Love xx

Shoddies The Top Hat

We can all play the name blame game, until the sun shines out our arse. But I am sick of the people that don't read the whole message.

Simply, my bout of sarcasm, was not directed at anyone in particular. I was angry, I have the right to vent, I have made a lot of effort, with a lot of different people, so that I get that right. If anyone seems to have taken it personally that is not my issue, id that have so much built up guilt that they feel the need to have to defend themselves towards something that wasn't even slightly thought out to be at them, then I guess they need to start talking to the right people.

I am not perfect, I have never tried to be, so that's why it will never look like I am, because I don't care for being perfect, I just am simply trying to be me. Peoples tattles and remarks, to stuff they haven't thought to ask about, to verify. Is starting to get petty.

I do what I do for the people that need it, but when people blatantly disregard all sense of humanity, just to display a new form of pure unscripted anger, I start to feel a bit disorientated with the amount of bullshit people start to say, just to make another person feel lower.

To make assumptions of a person, without due respect to admitting that you might not be speaking truths, and to try and convince that person of your own decisions on that persons being. You start to enter a point at which you are just getting sad. I ignore every retaliation, so that one day I can turn around and just say, 'I knew you were always a good person'.

So for now, I simply say, Fuck You.

Love Love xx

Ofcourse I Love The Molestation Of Children

I love the kind of people that forget your name as soon as you meet them. You know theirs, you've took it in, and you'll probably still remember their name 17 years from then, but they can't even do the decent thing of remembering your name. I love those people.

I love the girls that enter my house, trample all over my sister, shit on her face, tell her who she needs to be, and still gets treated like a member of the family. Not by the family of course, but by my sister herself. Who lets this 'girl' back into her circle, back into our home and back into her life. I just adore those people.

I love the people that will announce to the world how grateful they are to their latest internet friend, who they have never met, but have never thought of saying thank you for the times their friend was standing in the rain as they were high on prescription drugs. I'm getting more precise, but these people I wish hated me.

I love the people, who will judge and judge and judge other people, but hate the fact that society does that to them. The people that all the time question why people have to be like that, but do it themselves. I know who they are, and I know I am writing my own will here, but I do so love those people.

I love the people who don't take the time to learn the colours of a story, but only take the black and white. I love the fact that by them saying there taking some of the grey, that think that's going to make it all better. I love the people who don't care enough to just be fair.

I love everyone. But I hate them enough to care.

Love Love xx

Stop Watching Your Feet

Have you ever considered how often you can be walking down a street and not notice what is going on around you. You may register that 'stuff' is going on, but you don't take in what is happening, what the world is doing. If we are honest with ourselves, most of the points we try to make to people, are in hope that they are paying enough attention to the rest of the world, to take in what you have to say and understand clearly enough, that in the end they will some how feel more connected with everything than they might have felt before. Yet, as a society we spend most of our time walking passed all the people we wish noticed us, or we wished had an innate understanding of who were are, in a hope that they won't judge us. In the processes of not registering what our neighbours are doing, we become hypocrites to our own forthcoming's.

I don't know if I quite made as much sense as I had hoped. I just honestly feel, like as a society we expect one thing, but do the opposite. We want to be noticed for our talents and praised for our achievements, but when it comes down to the crunch, we aren't willing to just give people the time they deserve. Then we stop and wonder why people don't care enough, and its just karma biting us in the ass. We can all sit here and believe that we have never done such a thing, but if we take a short glance into our past we will find times when we were more preoccupied with our own dilemma's and problems, to take the time to just give someone a hug or just tell someone we care.

I think I've lost the plot here. Simply, the human race just needs to know how to treat each other better. If we can do that, then inevitably people will start to feel better. Of course I am pleading to only hope right now that a world like that could exist, but none the less, I shall try to start the ball rolling by doing my own part.

For now, I shall ignore all tripes and snipes, and just treat people the way I hope to be treated, in a effort to try and get people to just be nicer. I shall not dwell on peoples pasts, only reflect on who they are right now. To ask for equality, we must first believe that everyone is equal.

Love Love xx

I Find Peace In Momentary Sunsets

I paused for a little bit. Let everything else live by. No one allows me to just stayed paused. Forced to play again.

That's obvious.

MM, videos are odd. Funny, soundless.

Feel lonely only because i have placed expectation to have someone there to help. Drown out the need, drown out the necessity, drown out the pain.

I loves me a musical.

I've lost my flow. Take a rain check, honey.

Love Love xx

Tastes Like Fermented Vinegar And Honey

My family is back from Pt. Hughes. Yay for them. Disturbed my peaceful time sitting at home doing nothing, but yet it is nice to see them since it turned to the new year. I didn't see my family all yesterday, so it seems the year shall begin, hinting that i wont spend a lot of it with my family. I guess less than I did last year.

Oooh, we have to say 'last year' now when we talk about things from, well, last year. Lol.

I have become ore connected to the music I condem myself to. I like interesting sounds and singers. Scarlett Johanssons sound is just so odd and interesting and I love it, and Tracy Chapman is not a man, she just has an amazingly deep voice. Jeff Buckley is another favourite of mine these days. Its all thanks to my dear I-pod that I got for Christmas.

Why is it that when my family congregates back after not seeing each other for 4 days, they decide to be snappy, arguementative and rude, throwing every peice of negativity they have left. Why is it that they cannot just sit down and describe the exploits and adventures that they have been living through, so that we can all share a lovely time together. It certainly isn't a great atmosphere to have.

But then again, I guess things might be looking up. A family discussion of our times, all around the dinner table. For some, that might sound boring, or terrible, but honestly I love family dinners. It has been proven that just one family dinner a week can help deal with depression. Ofcourse there comes the possibility that it could end badly, but I'm not going to let that get to me.

Gosh I sound like a douche. I'm spending so much time trying to say what people want me to say, and how they expect me to say it, I now just end up sounding so drab and annoying.

If I'm honest, I'd tell you I spent most of yesterday making friends with randoms from Myspace, finding whores on Habbo Hotel and eating. I spent a good 13 hours on the computer doing shit all, and that in fact it was incredibly boring. But out of it, I have made a nice new friend that I shall go and meet with, and let the mood take us where it needs to go.

Atm, I am still in my PJ's and dressing gown. I am not hungry or thristy, but i havent at or drank anything. I feel dirty, because I haven't showered yet, and I am having cravings for cookie dough.

I am honestly feeling a bit lonely, but thats only because it may not be long until I no longer need to feel like I have no one. I still continously search for something more creative, and am constantly buzzing with imagination.

I love my friends more these days. But this blog is not for them, or you. It is for me, to help me, to make me feel better. As selfish and self centred as that might sound, when I leave this keyboard, when I stop typing, my thoughts with stop going to me and start concerntrating on those around me.

I have rambled on long enough, and now i must go shower.

Love Love xx

Goodbye The Times

I hope this new year brings so much more memories and good times.

I love you all.

xx

A Man, A Plan, A Canal Panama

Its a palindrome.

Socrates once wrote 'In every one of us there are two ruling and directing principles, whose guidance we follow wherever they may lead; the one being an innate desire of pleasure; the other, an acquired judgment which aspires after excellence.'

Leonardo da Vinci once wrote 'Human subtlety...will never devise an invention more beautiful, more simple or more direct than does nature, because in her inventions nothing is lacking, and nothing is superfluous.'

Churchill once said 'What is the use of living, if it be not to strive for noble causes and to make this muddled world a better place for those who will live in it after we are gone?'


mm, I got bored.

Love Love xx

I Got Me A Cadillac, Cadillac Car

Had me self a grand day. Went shopping and all that, got some nice clothes and got me Dreamgirls Soundtrack album and so I am happy.

I love my dear friends.

Disappointing sunset, but quite amazing winds.

LOL. The sea or the rocks, strange.

Shame the Nate boy had to leave.

I'm just happy, have been since Christmas.

That's all because of the people I have been with.

:)

Love Love xx

Tracy Chapman Eat Your Heart Out

Well, Christmas is gone. But I am still on the best buzz ever, had the best 3 days. Christmas was just brilliant. Boxing day was packed with the most fun ever, and today is just the most brilliant of chill down days.

I shall elaborate later, I'm too distracted listening to all the songs i have downloaded and put on my new i-pod.

Oh, and Pink's new album is just awesome. As well as Snow Patrol's. Vantage Point is just a brilliantly made movie, I recommend it.

Love Love xx

The Sun Is Setting On The Day Before Christmas.

So the sun is setting. The shadows are getting longer. This day has gone by fast than i had expected. I am looking forward to tomorrow, it should be good. I sure hope everyone has a better Christmas than they expect. I wish you all a magnificent day tomorrow.

It won't be long now and all those little kids, that still believe in the old fat man and his antlered deers, will be scrummaging through a pile of neatly piled presents. The crumbs of left over cookies and an empty glass from the milk (or occasionally beer) they left for Santa and maybe even a carrot nub coarsely gnawed at. The parents looking pleasantly as the children find there desires nestled under their three.

There shall be those families, that might actually be divulging into some before hand present openings. Already there are parents watching over their child's face, as they light up with joy. But they shall still have their Christmas day, and all the more present shall be opened when they wake. As for now, they're just getting their taster of whats to come.

But sadly, even though there will be all this joy everywhere, there shall still be those homes and families, that don't quite have the celebratory Christmas. An argument may erupt, challenges may be met or just the basic chaos of having people in such close quarters. There are people, right now, questioning whether it is worth getting excited for this day, because they know, as far as history can state, that their Christmas will not run smoothly.

So I hope you all have a good Christmas, whether you believe you will or not. You all deserve at least one day this year, to just be unquestionably happy. I hope you all have enough hope to believe you shall.

Love Love xx

The Cutlery Draw

That's cool, that's cool.
I love it when people rant at me. When they have something to say, and they are honest. Of course what there saying likes incite and actual knowledge on me, but sure, they bring up some interesting points.

Hmm, I just found the most interesting Truthbox comment ever.

'I think i hate you. Your not as great as you think you are. You seem to fail at everything. Your not smart. You not academically smart, because you fail lots of your lessons. You cant be socially smart because you have no friends, and the ones that you do have you insult and say bad things too.You cant be smart through your logic, because your decisions are going to ruin your life, for example missing all of your lessons. Your only ability you can advertise is the fact that because you never have anyone to spend time with, you spend hours thinking of rediculas sentences in an attempt to make you appear smart. The truth is that i dont think anyone looks up too you. I think you should put down the dictionary'.

I find it certainly a bit harsh, and unnecessary. I could easily sit here and cut down on ever thing that is said about me, right here. But honestly, I'm just going to let this person believe they know me enough to judge me. I hold no grudges against people and there opinions. I'd just prefer people to be able to back it up.

Well, just thought I'd let you lot have a looksies.

Love Love xx

Welcome To The Distillery

ITS CHRISTMAS EVE!!

ONE MORE SLEEP TIL CHRISTMAS.

I LOVE CHRISTMAS.

Its 11 54, that means just over half a day til Christmas, wooo!

So yep. All I had to say.

Merry Christmas!!

The Sky Looked Purple Today

Been bored again today, but its been fine. Watched more TV. LOL. I am a sad case of a man, but oh well. Tomorrow, irrelevant to if i have anyone to go with me, i shall go out of my house and do something. Anything. LOL.

I have figured out that if I don't do something then I will be stuck in my house until Friday, meaning I would have tallied 9 days cooped up in my house. But things are looking up, and i may make it out of the house for Christmas Eve, at least.

Hmm. Well I had things I had thought about talking about, throughout the day, but they are gone. I guess I shall just have to revisit them another time.

Love Love xx

RW

I am bored. LOL. Can't go out. Someone entertain me, LOL.

La La La

Love Love xx

A Thing

'one day, i hope i shall'

That is the misunderstood section, of my most commonly quoted part of my 'Tear Stained Tuesdays' post.
That little phrase, is me telling people, that i don't believe i am intellectually superior to the world. I believe that i have a different kind of intelligence, and that in certain fields i would be better than most at, but i also conclude that so would most other people.
But what i am saying in in this quote, is that i hope i may meet the person, that is intelligent in just the same way as me, and knows what i mean when i talk, without me having to explain, and that they shall out shine me in what i know. i want to meet the person who knows what i know, understands what i have to say, but also knows just enough more, to make me gasp and be amazed. No one has yet read one of my posts, and decided to ask me a question about it, or tried to learn a little bit more about what i mean. I want to meet the person, that without asking or inviting, asks about me, and wishes to know, so that in the end, i can return the favor to the grandest of my ability.
I don't quite think that gave my meaning justice, but eh. I tried. That's all i can do.

I love all those who try.

I have been emotionally filled tonight. Now i am relaxed in my capacity. :)

Love Love xx

Explanation

'I Am The New Sample Of Breed, Trying To Individualize Ones Self.

Be Myself, Yet Being Like Them.

Do What I Want, But Still Following A Trend.

Contusions Of Chaotic Contradictions And Anomalies.'

This is a direct quote from my 'I Am A Wall Flower' post.
I thought i would try to explain what i means, because its important to me.

By saying, 'I Am The New Sample Of Breed, Trying To Individualize Ones Self'. What i am saying, is that i am just another person, just like so many others, who is trying to be individual. 'Be Myself, Yet Being Like Them' . Is my understanding, that in trying to be individual, i am doing what so many others try to do, and that what i may do to be myself, and be individual, may just be the same kind of stuff that other people are doing. 'Do What I Want, But Still Following A Trend.' Is this same idea, that by trying to be what i wish, individual, i shall still just end up falling into the same stuff as other people. 'Contusions Of Chaotic Contradictions And Anomalies.' Is just my simple way of summing up how odd the whole thought was.

I'm just trying explain things people don't understand. So that people can't say i don't them enough. Lol.

Love Love xx

I'm Not A Sagittarius

I've been feeling a bit lonely lately. I have been stuck in my house since Wednesday, it being now Sunday, I am feeling a bit Claustrophobic. No one has asked me to do anything. No one has called. No one has stopped and thought about me enough to do anything. But its O.K., I have decided to not care anymore. I shall just have to live out some more of my holidays by myself, that's fine enough.

Its soon Christmas. I love Christmas, because that means, for one day, my whole family, all as one, gets to enjoy having a load of new things together. I thought about it. Realistically I could just wait, save up my money and buy myself these presents, but that's not the point and neither is it that my parents are getting me them, because they love me. No, the point is, is that for one day, as a family we all get to have some gifts. Its not one persons day, its everyone's. Its not one person coming home after a day at Marion, and showing everyone the amazing gift they had bought themselves. Its not about a persons birthday, or getting a treat because they have done well at school. It is simply a day, where no one is specifically anymore special than anyone else, but yet you can spend the day feeling ultimately pleased with the amount of joy and laughter that surrounds you.

I hate this house so much. I hate the fact that when i spend too much time in it, i end up spending the largest majority of that time, in the pantry. I get bored, and so i eat. Surprise surprise, that's how i believe i am the size i am. Its one of my faults. I know it, I own it. I try to change it, and it never works. It upsets me.

I am meant to be at Angela's party tonight. But since my ride fell through, I didn't end up going. Not that I couldn't go, its just i didn't feel like accepting the pity seat, where i needed to be squished in. I sometimes grow a large amount of dignity and self pride, and i was too pissed to loose it. I hold no grudge, I just feel rather let down. But that's nothing a simple trip to Marion, to buy me some clothes, couldn't fix. (hint hint)

I am now on a quota of 5 blogs. 'One Word' was a simple idea I came up with today, and I think it may work well. While '2009' will be pretty self explanatory one the 1st January. I have some new things i wish to try out, I hope they work.

Love Love xx

My new blog

http://1willdo.blogspot.com/

have a look

its not much

A Parade Of Visions

I've been satisfactorily bored all day. i didnt get out of me pj's til 4pm, i spent most of the day playing 'The Movies' on my computer and i have ate stuff.

Yesterday i watched alot of TV. I've been watching a lot of Sex and the City these holidays. hhmm

I saw the Season 4 Finale of One Tree Hill yesterday, that was pretty emotional, and then i flipped the channel, and put on Scrubs, and it was another season finale, and that was also quite emotional, well in the last few minutes. So within the space of 10 minutes are had watched 2 very gripping peices of TV. haha

I dont have much i feel like talking about, odd thoughts have came in and out of my head over the past 36 hours.

Its only 5 more sleeps till Christmas, WOO. I am excited.

My sister is still using the word 'retarded', and i am still telling her off about it. Damn brat.

i shall refined some on my points that i wish to mention on here, for a later date.

Love love xx

Thats A Huge Fly, Sitting On The Mesh

So this time next week, Christmas day will have come and gone. Ah, what a shame, i do love Christmas.
I have had the worst build up to Christmas ever this year. I didn't get to help decorate the tree, my parents had some huge rant at us because we went searching for our presents and found them, and just generally the mood around my house has been quite shit hole. But ah well.
Still doesn't change the fact that on Christmas morning, all what shall be forgotten, and for an hour or so, it will simply just be the watchings of our joyous faces, as we open our presents. yay.

Anyways.

i just looked at a lovely selection of pictures, of my sister, on her myspace. SIDE POUTS. she has moved on from the classic, whoreish move of just pouting, now she is doing the side pout, made famous by my dear hatred counterpart, Kelly, uregh. (i use too many commas)
I love me sister, but i continuously get scared by the numbers of stereotypically bimbo-esk pictures that she puts on her Myspace. She is only 12 years old, but she just screams 'FUTURE WHORE' all throughout her Myspace profile and pictures.
Ah, it saddens me to think, of all those bitchy little people, that lurk others myspaces, that will gaze over her Myspace, and just assume she is nothing more than a common garden variety Skank. :'(

:O, there was no Heroes on last night, man i was spewing, LOL. i know whats going to happen, but i would like to witness it myself. i hate channel 7, SO much. do we really need 2 episodes of Bones a week, when Heroes is pushed back to a 10 30 timeslot. whats with channels hating the shows i love. Dont get me started on what they did to Veronica Mars, effing shnitzel.

i spent an oddly large amount of my time, from going to bed, to getting to sleep, last night, thinking about death. A morbid topic, but i couldnt get it out of my head. i occasionally open my mind up to the queasey subject, the majority of times by complete accident. The thought just washes over me, that no matter what, one day, i shall be dead. That one day, i will know what happens once you die, and i have heard many people explain how they dont find it that bad of a subject to think about, but its just kind of one of those undefined certainties of life, and it just kind of opens up alot of other thoughts into my head.
i concluded many different things, including that i thought that there must be something more to us than just organs and liquids. i mean, if you think about it, where do atoms form opinions, where do chemical reactions generate creations, you know. its just so daunting. honestly i cant imagine just, stopping, forever. I am yet to feel confident in the idea, that after we die, we go to some special place like heaven, or for the rest of us, hell.
i have previously had many different ideas on what happens once we pass, but i know, that i will only know the answer, once i am dead. i just hope that this isnt all there is, that we live one life and then are stopped forever. i would wonder where my thoughts would go, and my memories and opinions and everything i had thought, where would that go. i am getting into a talk of saying that we have souls and that our bodies are just a solid host for our spirits. which i would feel comfortable in knowing, but feel it is flaw in some ways.
Ah k, well honestly i have no idea, and its all just basically to help my own fears of whats to come.

I love having a dessert before dinner.

i realised something to other day. all the connection i make with life and stuff, i can always seem to find an example from what i have watched on TV. that is truely because i watch way too much tv, lol. but yes, i make the connections all the time.

well

love love xx

My Myspace Blogs

Were not for you people. infact the point of them, was firstly, to clean up my myspace profile page, and secondly, to put forth to the people who cant even pretend that they know me, and give the idea that i can be smart and display things in a way, that does need more thinking for. It wasn't meant to be overly intellectual, i knew all the words i used before i looked them up, it was just making the choice to try out different words.

You don't know me well enough to make the decision that i cant be intelligent. i know its not what i am known for, my intelligence, but that's because i have never displayed my full extent, but whatever. i shall go back down to a level that makes people feel more comfortable, or to a level that shows what my usual way is, and just hold back on what i could give.

I may not be the greatest genius on this plant, but i sure wish i was.

Thesaurus

'I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.' - Albert Einstein


My exploration into the 'thesaurus' was merely an exercise to learn some more of what i don't know. An experiment in the art of sounding smarter.
I did not expect so many people to get so aggravated by me trying to improve myself, to enhance what i hold dear.

And to comment on my quoted blog section. I haven't felt like i have met anyone who i personally feel intellectually inferior to. I'm not saying i feel intellectually superior to anyone, its just i haven't met anyone, who has baffled me with the basic intellect. take that as you will.

i treat people as intellectual equals, unless they do anything strikingly dumb, otherwise, i leave myself comfortable in my own knowledge.

i don't expect to have fortified my points successfully but i'm not one to take anything lying down

love love xx

It Makes Sence, It Is Perfect English.

Amphibological Suppositions, Consequently, Perplexing Aftermath.


Amaurotic Paroxysm, Motivates Baffling Conglomerations Of Pandemonium.


The Prospective Is Austere And Dubiously Conjectural.


Adieu And I Love You.

I Hate Time

If we did not live in a society that believed time was a thing in life that we cant live without, then things would be better. If we did not have it pushed into us all the time, that time is something that we must live around, and deal with, then we would be better off.
We are all lead to believe that time is one of those certainties in life that we cant get around, and so no one tries. but if we were to, if we were to just let time slip away, and not take any notice of what time it is, or how much time things is taking, or planning stuff at certain times, then we would be free.

Until we can escape the grips of time, no one can truly say they are free.

I hate time, because it is so easy to just believe that there is no way of getting around it, and that it is impossible to get away from it. the tragedy is that we were born with the ideal of time itself. for there are indigenous tribes out there in the world that live as they are, and don't stress for any undefined meaning.
This also brings up the thing, of how the curiosity of the human race has steadily destroyed us as a society. our desire to know all there is, has left us in a rut of chaos and misery, and has made us so much more dependent on time.
A peaceful place, full of beauty and tranquility, away from curiosity and time.
That what i aspire for.

love love xx

(All thoughts in this post were collaborated by the discussion in the circle hole on the beach last night)

Simplicity Distorted

Dear One's Promise.
You Are My Longevity. You Are Aggregate To What I Hanker To Occur. You Are My Prospects, Envisages And Objectives. I Canonize You. I Idolize Your Bloom, Your Disposition And Your Luminosity. When I Gawk Your Cast, Abruptly Hansom Ashen Fowls Barrel In The Vicinity, A Prodigious Brass Troupe Foundations Enacting Its Pittances And Cartouches Detonate Omnipresently. I Would Peregrinate To The Terminals Of The Macrocosm, Merely To Bonanza You Your Monopoly Of Nonpareils And Predilections That You Solicit For. With Per Capita Exhalation I Accommodate, I Shall Cleave You Nigh To Me And Foster Your Intonation Repercussioning In My Tympanum. The Crepuscular Evenings Empyrean, And Its Polished Starlight Children, Nourish My Reveries Of Having You Each Original Diurnal Course I Subsist.I Prize You And Elect Your Gracious Matter Accompanying Me. I Treasure You, Nevermore Obliterate That. I Love You.
Sam xx

A Look At Life

An untarnishedly resplendent weekend, fordone by the 2 most impractically autocratic, bantam acquiescent and complaisantly/pregnantly hypocritical and perceptively unjust members of my family.

Inevitably proving every point i have concluded about my demeaning relatives and there tragically self apostatizing understanding of family.

The tasteful requital of a little girl scorned by her own forth comings, turns against the single person who outstandingly aided her, through the foray of her blindly cogent procreator's.

Therefore consorting the wrath of a cacophonous sire and his delusive endeavors to eradicate one sons drive, inviting it upon me.

This weekend was scintillating, exalting and notably unforgettable, I'd aspire to retain its essence imperishably, but it was dolefully dilapidated by the lamentable juncture of the attenuate reestablishment to my deteriorated shanty.

I exhibit disorientation in my intrinsic habitation, i am overwrought with the method of humanity encompassing me and I shall, in one term, surmise to affirm these kin erroneous.

Adulation Relish xx

I Am Clara Unfinished Prologue

Ok. i so i typed out all this, in one sitting, i have not edited any of it since i wrote it, and this is certainly not a final copy, so yeh. i just thought i would let you people have a read of it, see if any of you understand the story.

This section takes place, before all the rest, its kind of the setting of hte idea of how Clara came into this world, and under what pretences, and such

She had brilliant, dark brown hair. Her eyes were a sharp blue and her skin was smooth and flawless, almost perfect. When she laughed, rooms stopped. Everyone knew her and loved her. She was kind, gentle and always had time for everyone. Formally, she was Joanne Danielle Veronica South, but those who know her just called her Jo, or the really close, Jojo.

Jo was a confident high school student, successfully passing all subjects at an above average standard. She was a well balanced popular student, with a busy social life and the most brilliant boyfriend she could ever have, Cody Shaw.

Cody was your typical perfect guy. He was handsom, gallant and constantly charming. Everyday he would make Jo feel like she had died and gone to heaven

'I could lose myself in those eyes' he would say, 'they just take my breath away.' Jo being a softy for the cheesey, would swoon at his words.

Jo and Cody were going steady for coming on 8 months, when they came to a stump. The cheesey had become chliches, the gallant had become expected and what made Cody handsom had just become features. They needed something more. Both Cody and Jo had made the decision that sex will not come about, through boredom, that it must be a special thing. For both of them were still virgins. So they needed something else, something new.

It was while Cody was scrumaging through his brothers belongings, that the answer came to them.
"You want us to try heroin"
"Sure, why not"
"Why not! Why not! because its dangerous, we dont know what might happen, and we could become addicted."
"Oh nah, dont be such a baby Jo, we need something new to keep this alive"
"Yeh, but i didnt mean heroin."
"Oh come on, whats the worst that could happen."

As if irony had answered the call, the worst did happen. Shortly after experimenting with the elicit drug, one of the 2 did get addicted. Even way after Cody and Jo parted ways, and school was over, Jo would still go searching down dark alleyways in search of another fix. In the end, due to her over powering dependancy to heroin, she lost all her credibility at her high school, she lost out on finishing school successful, and eventually just became someone else. Her hair was no longer brilliant, her eyes were a dull, pale blue and her skin was taught and rough. She no longer laughed, and was rarely kind or gentle, and now had no time for anyone, except for the dealers.

Years after finishing school, and living off whatever money the government would give her, she found herself tralling through the back streets of a prominantly black district, still searching for more of what she needed.

She had a friend, Rortisha, who she was trying to find. She wandered in to a club, music bumping, everyone dancing. She was so delirious she didnt even notice as a hoard of Neo Nazi White Supremacists came storming in, and shot up the place. She was hit over the head and knocked out.

She woke up. An undistiguishable face just infront of her veiw. She could feel the motions, as this unidentified man was having sex with her. She began to flail her arms and tried to scream. A gag across her mouth stopped her from making anymore than a steady groaing sound.
"I saved your life" the man announced. Jo groaned some more.
"Stop that," the man said, anger stitched amongst his voice,"if i hadnt said i would do this, they would have killed you, for being in the negro's club." A look of anguish came across his face, trying to plead to Jo, how necessary it was that it was happening.
"Stay quiet, i will be finished soon, I am truely sorry. Its just, you looked so peacefully beautiful, and i couldn't let you die." The man was still trusting into Jo, she could feel ever movement, as the sudden realisation, that this was how she lost her virginity. A tear travelled down her face, and the man wiped it away. He smiled.
"Its ok now, i've finished, you can go now." He let her go, with one final gasp. He put his finger to his lips, and gestured for her to be quiet. Seeing as the deed had been done, and the man in front of her was quite well built, she decided to follow his commands. Once he had removed the gag, he pointed to a doorway.
"You can leave out there. Dont bother trying to come back, because next time, you will be killed." He handed her a envelope with a letter inside, "Its so that you can get in contact with me, I'd love to see you again." He awkwardly smiled, and left out another door.

She quickly left out the gestured exit. She looked around at the out side, it was still night. It all just looked like an average street. She walked to where she thought the traffic would be. Looking down at the letter, she opened it. Inside was a small peice of paper, with 4 simple words. 'I Am Colin Farmer'.

It took her 7 weeks to discover she was pregnant.

atm it is at its basics, i just wanted to get down the story, and then i can work around it from there. so yeh
tell me what you think

I Am Clara

This is another one i made, tell me what you think

i got til sunday

i got in some hugeish fight with my dad, and he has given me til sunday to find a new place to stay

woot

i would explain the story, but i really dont feel in the mood for reminising

love love xx

Getting Rid OF My Block

Ok, so to get me in the writing mood, i have designed 2 front cover thingos for my story 'I Am Clara'

People, tell me which one you like the best

thank you

love love xx

Unhappy, but comforatble

i got all c's except one d for my report

i aint happy with it, but i am comfortable since i passed

yeh

:S

BTW, everyone

Eventyr is finnish or norwegian for adventure

yep

just thought i would let yous know

love love xx

Floating Dreams & Satelitte Pictures

i cant wait for the future, cos it will bring things better than what i have right now

by that, i mean what i have right now, all the shitty crappy dam fucked off emotions

all the shitty-ness of having a fight with the family

and gah

so mmm

love love xx

Pine Tree Parade

I Love Christmas

i am feeling rather sick, i may not be getting enough fluids, how sad

mmm

i felt the need to blog, and so here i am, as always, just typing away until an idea of someform pops into my head, or i bring up the necessary amount of knowledge and poignancy (lol) to start talking about anything that is getting to me

like the fact that when decorating our christmas tree, i decided to swear at my sister, because she was explaining to me how to place some beads, woot woot, shit house

i sing in the shower, like, all the time.

i've watched about 16 episodes of scrubs today, woo for me

i love drew barrymore, never been kissed, what a sweet movie, and i love drew barrymore

aw

ah, channel ten and there random movie showings, hhhhmmmmm, so much jerry mcguire and back to the future

buts, i loves me a good drew barrymore

lol

my computer is being rather shitty, as i speak it is signing me out of msn and stopping me from just moving back to the home page on myspace. this computer is so fucking shit, gah

aahh, and so it eventually decides to do something good with itself, hoorah

anyways

i am tired, and i honestly cant think of anything to talk about. well i could, but i dont really feel like it, i duno, mmm.

love love xx

I Feel ...

Better.

Like a strange unnecessary weight, that was not needed to be taken, has in undoubtedly been lifted.

i duno.

i know that a select few people, should be able to know what i am talking about, seeing as it was such an eye openingly significant moment, and that they should feel overly privileged that i felt comfortable enough, and that i felt confident enough in our friendships to share those delicate pieces of life.

i did not feel like it was a necessity to have explain such intimate details of me, and i didn't feel this burning and gut wrenching confusion going on in my head all the time as to how and when i was ever going to say anything of the such, it was just one of those things. the conversation went in certain directions and i thought it was an appropriate time to just develop a little more.

i feel better, knowing that after letting go of some inside information, that i was neither shunned nor pitied, but rather a sense of deep and honorable respect was sent my way. which makes me feel overly proud of myself and the people i hold closest.

it is a such a genuine relief , and i am so happy and generally feel a lot better in my self.

love love xx

Plain And Simple

I Am Feeling Lost.

I Feel Like All People Have To Say About Me, Is That I Am A Bad Person.

I Feel Like Everytime I Try To Be Better, The Moment I Do Anything, People Shall Judge Me.

I Feel Trapped In My Own Decisions.

I Feel Like People Have Not Cared Enough To Try To Look Further Into My Words, Than Its First Impression.

I Feel That People Ignore What Kinda Of Person I Am, And Try And Tell Me, I Am Something I Am Not.

This Is How I Feel.

If You have Wanted To Know, Then Here It Is. As Basic And As Un-Cryptically Said, As I Can Muster.

I Love You All.

But I Don't Feel Like People Care Enough, To Know What They Are Loving.

(If You Want To Find Out More, Explain To Me, What You Do And Don't Understand, And I Will Fill In The Blanks)